Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

MsCheevious

I’m a GREAT mom. I SWEAR.

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#DailyMischief

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I’ve said this before… that my other boyfriend has 27 inches. It’s true. M.C. Nugget is TOTALLY in over his head… . And it’s not just because of the size. I become entranced when I’m with my other guy. I only have eyes for him. Everyone around me just disappears. And all things considered, Nuggie is actually pretty great with all this, even though I don’t even know if he’s in the same room when I’m with my 27 inch-er…

I guess you could say Nuggie and I have an “open relationship” when it comes to this.

If you’re new, I’m sorry. You think I’m a total sleaze. Well… Pfff! I probably am… but don’t get your g-string in a bunch (if that’s even possible). The other boyfriend I’m talking about is my Big Screen (otherwise known as my 27″ iMac computer).

I’m about to go around the block to get next door with a little story here, but if you want the short version, scroll down past the TOTALLY interesting story just below.. you won’t miss a THING. Swear.To.God.

I’ve always had a love affair with technology, dating back to listening to my transistor radio by the neighborhood pool when I was six. And  I’m pretty good at all things “techno.” Have you seen my “Techno-Babe Moments” videos? When I first married my ex-husband, I was 23. He took me to his family’s cabin in the woods (and by cabin, I mean a luxury home with a full-sized washer, dryer, two bathrooms, satellite TV and telephone service inside). Though it had all the luxuries of home, the place was secluded in a breathtaking mountain valley known as Pearl Lakes, CO, Upon arrival I learned their satellite TV was broken. It was an old-fashioned satellite, straight out of the 80’s… A giant dish sat outside their living room window, and it required dish owners to “subscribe” to various services that had satellites floating up in space. Many of them were free, some were not. They had names like Galaxy19, Telstar and so on. My ex’s family hadn’t been able to watch TV since just after the guy installed it and someone in the family tried to change the position of the satellite to watch something. All they saw was snow. So, my first day there, against warnings that I would light the thing on fire by the end of the day, I sat, undeterred, communing with the piece of equipment. I had it working within about an hour and I’d never used one of those things in my life.

I’m just sayin’…

So, the other day, I was thinking about my son Graden, when he was about six or seven and we lived in our condo in Los Angeles. He was (and still is) brilliant and resourceful, and he quickly found ways to reach me through the deep, magnetic pull of my computer screen (though back then it was probably only about 12 inches). Poor kid was forced to be resourceful if he wanted to eat (it was all a part my plan to train him for the apocalypse).

One of the first ways he did this went something like this:

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

…..

…..

“LISA!!!”

 

I immediately heard him, snapped out of it, felt guilty and ran to his side.

This reaction greatly pleased Graden. The heavens opened up and the angels did sing on that day.

But that was IT. My life of peaceful communion with my computer was over. Graden started getting creative with things like yelling, or singing made up songs with my name in it, even grabbing my sleeve with his construction clamp-y toy.

This did not bode well for either of us.

Pull me away from “work” accidentally? Okay. But start devising ways to pull me away from my work to say “hi,” “what are you doing?” or any other random statement… uh… NO.

At the same time, I’m not a horrible person.

No, really.

I actually understood my little guy’s need for mommy time and attention, even if I was working (yes… yes… I actually did work from home then).

So, we came up with a system.

I sat down with him on his bed, snuggled him, looked him sweetly and deeply in the eyes and explained that mommies need to have other people and things in their lives too. That my computer was a way for me to provide a roof over his head. That if he continued to interrupt in such a way, we would be sleeping on the street in a cardboard box very soon, and did he want that to happen? No, of course he didn’t. I also let him know that he had no reason to be jealous… just because the computer obeyed me every single time and made my life easier, it wasn’t his fault… and he had no reason to feel threatened, or afraid. It really was HIM that I loved.

I Really DO Love My Son More Than My Computer

You can tweet something like that above, by clicking HERE.

So, I pulled out a white sheet of paper, and I told him that if he ever REALLY NEEDED to pull me away from my work… from my ability to keep us from living on the street, he could QUIETLY slip that baby in front of the computer screen.

I further educated him on situations when this interruption was appropriate:

a fire

an accident involving my vodka

a flood

an earthquake.

This actually worked pretty well. Poor little Graden. He still does this to this day.

He’s 20.

JUST KIDDING! I’m a GREAT mom!

But when I remembered this the other day, I immediately texted him. These are fond memories for me. So our text went something like this:

 

Kids say the darndest things

Kids say the damnedest things, don’t they?! You see?? I’m not such a horrible mom. Look how long it took HIM to respond!!!!

 

I know, I know. The cliche’s don’t escape me (they never do): The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, You reap what you sow, etc. etc. etc.

Until next time, people!

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

 

 

 

London’s HOT TICKET: Elf

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If you’re in the US, and happen to be jet-setting off to London this week, or you just so happen to be across the pond presently… The hot ticket to have in your hot little hands, is for the Elf (the Musical Gala) benefitting the Alzheimer’s Society this Thursday evening, November 5, 2015.

I love that.

Get it?

Alzheimer’s Society? November 5th?

“Remember, remember the 5th of November?”

If you don’t know the reference, look it up kids, then report back to me. It’s a good one, but it’s the “remembering” thing that kills me!

But seriously, there is a reason this is especially poignant right now: Because November is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month.

NOVEMBER IS ALZHEIMER’S AWARENESS MONTH

The evening starts with red carpet arrivals at the Dominion Theater in London’s West End, and of course the play, which recently opened to rave reviews (produced by Michael Rose and U-Live, and directed by Morgan Young).  Catch the trailer here. Following that, a star-studded red carpet and gala celebration at Hamley’s Toy Store on Regent Street, where I’m told Buddy the Elf (Ben Forster) and Jovie (Kimberly Walsh of Girls Aloud) will arrive on a sleigh pulled by reindeer (police escort and all).

A SLEIGH PULLED BY REINDEER.

WITH A POLICE ESCORT, PEOPLE.

YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS THIS, IF AT ALL HUMANLY POSSIBLE

Why?

Because it’s a feel good story that is sure to exceed your expectations, and this evening’s cause is a great one. We’ve got to take care of our elders people. Don’t ever forget that, because as I get older, I may forget it!  I NEED YOU. YOU NEED ME. We all need each other!

It’s that whole “you reap what you sow,” thing.

I know you understand.

If you’re not going to be in London but you have friends or family who might:

Please use the share links below!

Elf the Musical - London 2015

Celebrities expected include: Ben Forster (Elf the Musical), Kimberly Walsh (Elf the Musical, Girls Aloud), Melanie C (formerly of Spice Girls), Chris Moyles, Liz Robertson (Phanton of the Opera), Wendi Peters (Coronation Street), Gemma Oaten (Emmerdale), Aled Jones (Weekend), Dr. Christian Jessen (Supersize vs. Superskinny, Embarrassing Bodies), Jim Davidson (Big Brother, Comedian), Paul O’Grady (For the Love of Dogs, Animal Orphans), Matthew Kelly, Christopher Biggins (Mongrels, Celebrity MasterChef, Catchphrase),  Matt Cardle (X-Factor), David Kernan, Carole Ashby (‘Allo ‘Allo!, Bond girl), Pasha Kovalev (Strictly Come Dancing), Rachel Riley (Strictly Come Dancing), Oti Mabuse (Strictly Come Dancing), Anthony Ogoggo (Strictly Come Dancing), Chad Beguelin (Elf the Musical), Matthew Sklar (Elf the Musical), Thomas Meehan (Elf the Musical), Robert Martin (Elf the Musical)

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The Great Swag Bag Giveaway

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To be clear, this is the Great Swag Bag Giveaway… on INSTAGRAM. I’ve been around Hollywood, people. And it seems that everywhere you go here in Tinsel Town, they give cool shit to the guests in the form of gift bags. I can’t possibly keep all this stuff, even if I lived in a huge house! And since M.C. Nugget and I live in a little tiny beach palace… well, I’m unloading all the goods right here and right now.

Yep. A TON of the cool things from Hollywood Award shows and gifting suites are HERE in ONE BAG. And they’re going to one lucky winner!

And yes… there are really awesome things (like a custom designed Pandora Charm Bracelet (I designed it on the spot at a Golden Globes party), a Crow Watch, some Rembrandt Whitening strips, some great scarves, more jewelry, lingerie, and more…

And this contest is running for a solid month, finishing up on August 4, 2015, to give everyone time to rack up the points! It involves INSTAGRAM, so if you’re not on Instagram, there is no time like the present, folks. Get to it! But you can certainly earn points in other ways! Check it out!

(PS. If you don’t see the contest below, but instead only see the title, then just “refresh” your browser. That should make it display properly!)

The Great Swag Bag Giveaway #GreatSwagBag
The Great Ms. Cheevious SWAG BAG Give Away

The bamboozle is strong in that one

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#DailyMischief

#TheFunny

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Hmmm… never heard “The bamboozle is strong in that one” mentioned on a Starwars movie or show? Well, that’s interesting. Perhaps you’ve heard of me making up phrases that have been ripped off from pop-culture? I know I’m off by a word… It should be “The bamboozle is strong WITH that one.” But sheesh, that is a long ass title.

In other news (and the above will make sense in a minute), I have an announcement to make, and THIS, my friends, is MAJOR.

After about seven years of fun and frolicking, M.C. Nugget and I have decided it’s time to tie the knot and continue the fun and frolicking, officially (if that’s even possible).

Though I am technically going off the market my lovey doves, this does not mean I will discontinue to reveal my secrets from the dating world. Pfff! Married people still go on dates. So, this does NOT mean things in Ms. Cheevious-land will come to a screeching halt. And considering Nuggie and I have been living together for about five years, and I’ve still been able to maintain some semblance of humor about dating, fun, life and it’s crazy moments… well there you go. I’ve bamboozled you this whole time (insert evil laugh).

This leads me to a little conversation Nuggie and I had last week. I was complaining once again about chicks (not the baby chicken variety, but CHICKS, people. WOMEN. GIRLS.). I was complaining because chicks are such high maintenance. (yes… you can tweet that if you must). It’s probably why I don’t have many female friends. They come into my life, and then seem to promptly exit when the shit gets real. I simply don’t have time for Flaky McFlakelsteins, or Neurotic McNeurotic-al-Stiltskins… and I definitely don’t have the patience for anyone who doesn’t work to change or improve their lives (and stop being loony). Plus, there is that whole “how can you soar with eagles, when you’re surrounded by turkeys” thing I like to keep in mind.

I don’t always get it, but women constantly show me just how neurotic and touchy they can be. You can’t ALWAYS blame hormones ladies! Come ON.

click to tweet

It’s like it’s hardwired into them to short circuit regularly. They’re just so FREAKING touchy. I am ONE OF THEM, and even I can’t figure them out! Poor GUYS! (you can tweet that one too)

So, I’d been through some sort of nonsensical dramatic discussion with a gal pal, and was whining about it (the female irony doesn’t escape me here… me, neurotically complaining about chicks and their weird neuroses), when I said, exasperated, “CHICKS!”

To which Nuggie replied, “You’re preaching to the choir here.”

The rest of our little exchange went something like this (and yes… we rip off Star Wars whenever we can):

Nugget: But you aren’t like other chicks, baby! That’s why we’re doing this WEDDING thing. You Bamboozled me!

Me: No… I bamboozled you for the KEY… (I was the first female to ever have a key to Nuggie’s apartment)

Nugget: Heyyyy… you’re right. Your bamboozle is strong…

Me: You mean, “The bamboozle is strong in that one?”

Nugget: Yes… but it’s “The Bamboozle is strong with that one.”

Yes, even Yoda would be proud. And now… a wedding. And yes… pigs do fly.

(insert evil laugh)

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Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

My Own Personal Retrograde

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#DailyMischief #TheFunny

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The other day, as M.C. Nugget and I sauntered over to our local watering hole, I relayed a conversation I’d had with Brit (you may remember her from the book “Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood”).

She noticed her emotions were wacky, and attributed it to Mercury being in retrograde. I laughed at this.

 

SIDE NOTE: I always thought Mercury’s retrograde and the mayhem it causes only pertained to electronics. I wrote about that here. And I blogged once that I wondered whether Venus has its own retrograde, because when women go bat shit crazy, we can’t place the blame on Mercury, willy nilly.

I was wrong. But don’t get too excited. We can’t always  blame Mercury. It’s not in retrograde in perpetuity, for goddsakes.

When Brit cried retrograde foul-play, she said she’d read up on it. So, I conducted my own research. I can’t just go with whatever everyone says. Even Brit, though I love her.

BUT SHE WAS RIGHT.

Somewhat.

Mercury’s “retrograde” is actually discounted as ridiculous among scientists. They say, though it appears to be spinning backward, it’s an illusion. But proponents of this phenomena (when we can observe it supposedly spinning backward) say this illusion or reality, whatever the case may be, has an effect on the gravitational pull of the earth, which affects humans in many ways…along the lines of how we process everyday problems, come to conclusions, and produce solutions.

After telling him all of this, Nuggie asked with a little trepidation, “So….. are you experiencing some whacked out emotions?” then… “Is Mercury still in retrograde?“

I laughed, “Pffff! No… Mercury’s retrograde is probably finished by now. But I don’t need no stinkin’ Mercury. I’ve got my own personal retrograde going on here.”

It’s a thing. My own personal retrograde. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

And when we enter into another cycle of Mercury’s retrograde (supposedly around June 15th)… whoa… it could be downright scary.

Poor M.C. Nugget.

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

 

This means war

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This is all about music. Get ready to be schooled on some old, great music, people.

Saturday night M.C. Nugget took me to the Greek to see a few bands… a couple of latin groups, one called Malo, another called Tiera (they were famous for “Together Baby”), Los Lonely Boys and the headliner, a band called War.

Get Me To The Greek and Take Me Back Stage

Our next door neighbor is the road manager for the band War, and he HOOKED US UP. We had hospitality suite passes and some of the best seats EVER.

We were totally clueless as to the first two acts, Malo and Tiera, but if drinking Pina Coladas and lying on a beach somewhere appeals to you, chances are you’d love this music.

So, Nuggie and I and our white bred, blonde haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned selves, were sitting in the BEST.SEATS.EVER, and I struck up a conversation with the guy next to us.

He looked at me, looked at Nuggie, and obviously confused, asked, “So….. who are you hear to listen to?”

I totally understood. Nuggie and I stood out in the crowd. You could probably see our blonde hair from space in that crowd… but I chuckled.

(Besides, if you read my book, you know I’m from New Mexico – where situations like this are the norm. Being the only huera among Latinos happened on a regular basis there, and it’s quite comfortable to me. These are my people, people!).

I explained how we came to hear the band, War, and Los Lonely Boys, but we’d never heard of the other two bands.

We danced and sang to the music of each of these talented musicians, and we had a blast.

The the guy next to us said, “So, what’s your favorite WAR song?”

To which I replied in song… “FIRE! DUH-DUH-DUH!! FIRE!!!”

The guy busted up laughing and said “That is NOT by War! That’s the Ohio Players…”

I laughed, and was a little taken off guard, because I usually know my music, but I’ve confused this song for War in the past. So, I asked, laughing, “Wait!! Then what is one of their famous songs?”

“Uh… CISCO KID?” he laughed.

…..

…..

…..

Ah, that explains it….

FIRE…

CISCO KID…

Tomato, Tomahto.

…..

…..

KIDDING!!!

But listen to these. They could be the same band. SWEAR.TO.GOD.

Here is FIRE (a remix) by The Ohio Players (link in case it’s not displaying below – https://soundcloud.com/thefunkhunters/fire-the-funk-hunters-remix):

 

 

Here is CISCO KID by War, for your listening pleasure (here is their link, in case it’s not displaying https://soundcloud.com/lazylunch/sets/the-cisco-kid-war):

YOU SEEEEE???

 

And now… check out these other bands that opened for War. I bet you never knew who they were. And… YOU’RE WELCOME.

 

HOW FAR IS HEAVEN by Los Lonely Boys (did you know that guy can PLAY the GUITAR???) (link in case it’s not displaying – https://soundcloud.com/user8886233/los-lonely-boys-how-far-is-heaven):

 

 

SUAVECITO by Malo (if it’s not displaying below, click here: https://soundcloud.com/scottrek44/ssuaveci-malo):

 

 

And, TOGETHER by Tiera (if it’s not displaying, check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt0tq-rD38U):

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.