Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

M.C. Nugget

I’m a GREAT mom. I SWEAR.

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#DailyMischief

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I’ve said this before… that my other boyfriend has 27 inches. It’s true. M.C. Nugget is TOTALLY in over his head… . And it’s not just because of the size. I become entranced when I’m with my other guy. I only have eyes for him. Everyone around me just disappears. And all things considered, Nuggie is actually pretty great with all this, even though I don’t even know if he’s in the same room when I’m with my 27 inch-er…

I guess you could say Nuggie and I have an “open relationship” when it comes to this.

If you’re new, I’m sorry. You think I’m a total sleaze. Well… Pfff! I probably am… but don’t get your g-string in a bunch (if that’s even possible). The other boyfriend I’m talking about is my Big Screen (otherwise known as my 27″ iMac computer).

I’m about to go around the block to get next door with a little story here, but if you want the short version, scroll down past the TOTALLY interesting story just below.. you won’t miss a THING. Swear.To.God.

I’ve always had a love affair with technology, dating back to listening to my transistor radio by the neighborhood pool when I was six. And  I’m pretty good at all things “techno.” Have you seen my “Techno-Babe Moments” videos? When I first married my ex-husband, I was 23. He took me to his family’s cabin in the woods (and by cabin, I mean a luxury home with a full-sized washer, dryer, two bathrooms, satellite TV and telephone service inside). Though it had all the luxuries of home, the place was secluded in a breathtaking mountain valley known as Pearl Lakes, CO, Upon arrival I learned their satellite TV was broken. It was an old-fashioned satellite, straight out of the 80’s… A giant dish sat outside their living room window, and it required dish owners to “subscribe” to various services that had satellites floating up in space. Many of them were free, some were not. They had names like Galaxy19, Telstar and so on. My ex’s family hadn’t been able to watch TV since just after the guy installed it and someone in the family tried to change the position of the satellite to watch something. All they saw was snow. So, my first day there, against warnings that I would light the thing on fire by the end of the day, I sat, undeterred, communing with the piece of equipment. I had it working within about an hour and I’d never used one of those things in my life.

I’m just sayin’…

So, the other day, I was thinking about my son Graden, when he was about six or seven and we lived in our condo in Los Angeles. He was (and still is) brilliant and resourceful, and he quickly found ways to reach me through the deep, magnetic pull of my computer screen (though back then it was probably only about 12 inches). Poor kid was forced to be resourceful if he wanted to eat (it was all a part my plan to train him for the apocalypse).

One of the first ways he did this went something like this:

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

“Mom!”

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

….. (pause… )

…..

…..

“LISA!!!”

 

I immediately heard him, snapped out of it, felt guilty and ran to his side.

This reaction greatly pleased Graden. The heavens opened up and the angels did sing on that day.

But that was IT. My life of peaceful communion with my computer was over. Graden started getting creative with things like yelling, or singing made up songs with my name in it, even grabbing my sleeve with his construction clamp-y toy.

This did not bode well for either of us.

Pull me away from “work” accidentally? Okay. But start devising ways to pull me away from my work to say “hi,” “what are you doing?” or any other random statement… uh… NO.

At the same time, I’m not a horrible person.

No, really.

I actually understood my little guy’s need for mommy time and attention, even if I was working (yes… yes… I actually did work from home then).

So, we came up with a system.

I sat down with him on his bed, snuggled him, looked him sweetly and deeply in the eyes and explained that mommies need to have other people and things in their lives too. That my computer was a way for me to provide a roof over his head. That if he continued to interrupt in such a way, we would be sleeping on the street in a cardboard box very soon, and did he want that to happen? No, of course he didn’t. I also let him know that he had no reason to be jealous… just because the computer obeyed me every single time and made my life easier, it wasn’t his fault… and he had no reason to feel threatened, or afraid. It really was HIM that I loved.

I Really DO Love My Son More Than My Computer

You can tweet something like that above, by clicking HERE.

So, I pulled out a white sheet of paper, and I told him that if he ever REALLY NEEDED to pull me away from my work… from my ability to keep us from living on the street, he could QUIETLY slip that baby in front of the computer screen.

I further educated him on situations when this interruption was appropriate:

a fire

an accident involving my vodka

a flood

an earthquake.

This actually worked pretty well. Poor little Graden. He still does this to this day.

He’s 20.

JUST KIDDING! I’m a GREAT mom!

But when I remembered this the other day, I immediately texted him. These are fond memories for me. So our text went something like this:

 

Kids say the darndest things

Kids say the damnedest things, don’t they?! You see?? I’m not such a horrible mom. Look how long it took HIM to respond!!!!

 

I know, I know. The cliche’s don’t escape me (they never do): The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, You reap what you sow, etc. etc. etc.

Until next time, people!

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

 

 

 

The bamboozle is strong in that one

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#DailyMischief

#TheFunny

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Hmmm… never heard “The bamboozle is strong in that one” mentioned on a Starwars movie or show? Well, that’s interesting. Perhaps you’ve heard of me making up phrases that have been ripped off from pop-culture? I know I’m off by a word… It should be “The bamboozle is strong WITH that one.” But sheesh, that is a long ass title.

In other news (and the above will make sense in a minute), I have an announcement to make, and THIS, my friends, is MAJOR.

After about seven years of fun and frolicking, M.C. Nugget and I have decided it’s time to tie the knot and continue the fun and frolicking, officially (if that’s even possible).

Though I am technically going off the market my lovey doves, this does not mean I will discontinue to reveal my secrets from the dating world. Pfff! Married people still go on dates. So, this does NOT mean things in Ms. Cheevious-land will come to a screeching halt. And considering Nuggie and I have been living together for about five years, and I’ve still been able to maintain some semblance of humor about dating, fun, life and it’s crazy moments… well there you go. I’ve bamboozled you this whole time (insert evil laugh).

This leads me to a little conversation Nuggie and I had last week. I was complaining once again about chicks (not the baby chicken variety, but CHICKS, people. WOMEN. GIRLS.). I was complaining because chicks are such high maintenance. (yes… you can tweet that if you must). It’s probably why I don’t have many female friends. They come into my life, and then seem to promptly exit when the shit gets real. I simply don’t have time for Flaky McFlakelsteins, or Neurotic McNeurotic-al-Stiltskins… and I definitely don’t have the patience for anyone who doesn’t work to change or improve their lives (and stop being loony). Plus, there is that whole “how can you soar with eagles, when you’re surrounded by turkeys” thing I like to keep in mind.

I don’t always get it, but women constantly show me just how neurotic and touchy they can be. You can’t ALWAYS blame hormones ladies! Come ON.

click to tweet

It’s like it’s hardwired into them to short circuit regularly. They’re just so FREAKING touchy. I am ONE OF THEM, and even I can’t figure them out! Poor GUYS! (you can tweet that one too)

So, I’d been through some sort of nonsensical dramatic discussion with a gal pal, and was whining about it (the female irony doesn’t escape me here… me, neurotically complaining about chicks and their weird neuroses), when I said, exasperated, “CHICKS!”

To which Nuggie replied, “You’re preaching to the choir here.”

The rest of our little exchange went something like this (and yes… we rip off Star Wars whenever we can):

Nugget: But you aren’t like other chicks, baby! That’s why we’re doing this WEDDING thing. You Bamboozled me!

Me: No… I bamboozled you for the KEY… (I was the first female to ever have a key to Nuggie’s apartment)

Nugget: Heyyyy… you’re right. Your bamboozle is strong…

Me: You mean, “The bamboozle is strong in that one?”

Nugget: Yes… but it’s “The Bamboozle is strong with that one.”

Yes, even Yoda would be proud. And now… a wedding. And yes… pigs do fly.

(insert evil laugh)

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result (a minimum $3.99 value). Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post on MsCheevious.com, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

Techno Babe Moments – Mother’s Day: A Piper Giveaway

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There’s an interesting phenomena that happens when M.C. Nugget leaves town for any period of time. I’m told by those who spend time with us that the overarching impressions are both of how much fun we have together, and of our extreme individuality. We love each other and we crack each other up, to the point of tears. I’ve almost spit my cocktail across the table in some very fancy restaurants on more than one occasion… but we each have our own taste and personalities. This, you guys, is what they say is healthy.

But when Nuggie goes out of town, you’d think we’d never been out of each other’s sight. He gets all clingy and cuddly and cutesy and stuff.

Ew.

It’s a problem.

I need my space (do I really need to say “insert sarcasm” here?).

Fast forward to now (this morning he flew off to Florida to do his acting thing, and I’m here on my own, sniff sniff). It’s close to Mother’s Day, and the folks at Piper approached me to take a look at their product. They think their little device (which they allow you to name… I named ours Peeper) makes life simpler and less worrisome for moms. I agree. And I think it’s especially cool for SINGLE MOMS, because Piper allows them to keep tabs on what’s happening at home (whether the kids are chasing each other with kitchen knives or sitting quietly like little darlings, studying), right from their cell phones. This is why I’m super excited the Piper People (had to do that) graciously sent me a second unit to give away to one of YOU lucky people! (Only in the US this time… Sorry!)

CAN YOU SAY “FREAKIN’ AWESOME GIVEAWAY”!!?

My first thought for Nuggie and I, and our use for Piper was… PFFF! Now Nuggie doesn’t need to be so dang clingy… .

With Piper, M.C. Nugget can get a piece of me from 3,000 miles away.

And yeah… there’s always that vice versa thing.

It wasn’t until we installed it, and I was using it on my phone, we realized that his phone wouldn’t also connect to the device. At least not in the few seconds we tried to do that.

But here is the run down on Piper:

Piper in the BoxPiper on the Shelf

  1. It’s a home security and home safety device that you connect to with your smart phone via the Piper Mobile app.
  2. It has three security modes: Stay Mode, Away Mode and Vacation Mode.
  3. It has a panic button so you can get help right away.
  4. It has a live viewing button, so you can see what’s happening in its viewer’s range at any time.
  5. For each mode, you have settings to choose from, in the event motion, a loud sound, or a change in temperature is detected: They are:
    1. Record a Video
    2. Notify Me
    3. Notify Trusted Circle
    4. Sound Siren
  6. You only have to add batteries to the unit and you’re ready to go. It’s a very simple and easy set up.
  7. Possible uses: Checking on your slightly grown kids, spying on your lover (did I just say that??? NOOOO…), observing a new babysitter in action, monitoring your house while away… so, so many uses!
  8. And, it works like a charm!

I tested Piper while Nuggie was here in town, and it was eery just how much sound and visual it picked up. I also tested it this morning on myself. It was sheer, utter, silliness, and mayhem. With Nuggie gone there is no one to pull in the reigns, you guys. I’m sorry! But you can see the absurdity (and get another entry to win the unit) by watching (and commenting on) the video here.

Here is how to WIN:

You get one entry into the random drawing for commenting here on the blog, and you get one entry for commenting on the video here. Winner will be chosen on Mother’s Day and announced soon after that here on the blog. YOU CAN WIN THIS FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE. Just say so in the comment and have their address handy because, if you win, the unit will ship directly to them.

An EXTRA ENTRY for Single Moms:

If you are a single mom, just say so in either of your comments, and you’ll get an additional entry. Sorry folks! Single moms can use this little guy for free more than most! (If you are trying to win this for a single mom you know and love, you must state that in your comment and her first name. The unit will be shipped to that person, so be ready with their address, in case you win!)

 

Here are some more photos… You know… what comes in the box, as well as some screen shots from the app, itself.

 

Piper on the Window Piper Package

Panic ScreenScreenshot_2015-05-03-20-42-28

Screenshot_2015-05-03-20-43-21Screenshot_2015-05-03-20-44-36Screenshot_2015-05-03-20-43-54

 

Good luck everyone! And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Winner will be chosen on or after 11:59 PM on Sunday, May 10, 2015!

Don’t forget to see the corresponding video review HERE (you get another entry for commenting there)!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A COMMENT & BE ENTERED TO WIN!

 

 

 

I would *NEVER* do that

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I WOULD *NEVER* DO THAT

 

#DailyMischief

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So, I was thinking about all this cyber terrorism going on – the hack on Sony – the hack on ME – yep… my website was hacked and down for three weeks at the hands of muslim extremist hackers. Because we ALL know what a threat I and my 1000 visitors per day are to them. I mean, I don’t blame them, really. I can be f-ing SCARY. In fact, even as I type this – BAM – another terrorist muslim extremist faction drops – BAM – just like that. DROPS LIKE A FLY.

Remember what happened to the Syrian Electronic Army, after I wrote that one article?

Cyber_Attack

Of course you don’t. I’m THAT good.

But Nuggie and I discussed this at length over cocktails recently. It’s not just terrorists, or cyber terrorists. It’s not just muslim extremists either. We now have homegrown terrorism to worry about. Yep. It’s a THING now. The Boston bombers were just one example.

Based on this, I have decided I would actually PREFER the NSA resume eavesdropping tactics. I’d be a little surprised if people didn’t start begging for it, really.

So the NSA has my permission. They should keep up the good work, and not stand for any other countries showing us who the cyber-bosses are.

BUT IT HAS TO BE WITHIN LIMITS.

Because, I could totally see the NSA accidentally coming after me.

We can’t really blame them, can we? Poor NSA. All the signs could potentially point to me being a major threat, right? You know, cuz I always seem to make money appear from out of nowhere n’ stuff.

It could happen…

NSA: We see you were in some debt recently, ma’am. But we also see you’ve made some large deposits into your bank account… And then their was the hack of your website…. which begs the question:

WHY WOULDN’T YOU SELL SECRETS TO NORTH KOREA? DID YOU? AND DID YOU MAKE A DEAL THAT WENT HORRIBLY WRONG? DID THEY HACK YOUR WEBSITE? TELL US!

ME: Wait…. North Korea is buying secrets? What kind of secrets?

NSA: And what kind of code name is this MS. CHEEVIOUS?  And who is this MC NUGGET? Some kind of agent? If so, he’s not a very good agent. He never gets anything done, but he seems to be everywhere.

I’m just saying. We need the NSA’s protection, people. Americans should be NUMERO UNO at cyber war games. This means we can snoop, and pay attention, but we do NOT make stupid mistakes and we do NOT falsely accuse people. We have to KNOW our shit.

I mean, even though I have some really great stories and would probably fold like a cheap suit when asked to sell my juicy secrets… conduct any sort of business with or sell anything to North Korea? Um, NO. I would NEVER do that.

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#MomFactor: Watch what your kids are into online and do NOT let them write threatening articles or poke fun at the Syrian Electronic, or any other cyber army. It just doesn’t pay.

Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get the blissful yoga routine in an eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” by Lisa Jey Davis for FREE as a result (up to a $4.99 value!). Registration is on the right sidebar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

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For your viewing pleasure, here is a screenshot of what my website looked like before my über talented computer guy took my site back:

(you can click the image to see the full size and scare the bujeebies outta you):

hacked site image

 

 

Pulp Fiction Thanksgiving

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PULP FICTION THANKSGIVING

 

#DailyMischief

 

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I don’t know if you know this, but my honey M.C. Nugget and I will be apart during the Thanksgiving Holiday. I know, I know. Boo hop hoo.  But don’t cry for me, beautiful Internet. It was my decision because I just couldn’t take the time off work to make the trip. Plus, I’ll be here with one of my sons and some very good friends, and IT’S ONLY A FEW DAYS, people.

So, looking back to this past weekend, it was really serendipitous more than anything else that I decided on Saturday night to make a mini-Thanksgiving feast for us. I happened upon the free-sample counter at Trader Joe’s on my way home on Friday, and they just so happened to be serving an oven roasted Turkey Breast, Stuffing with chicken sausage, turkey gravy and cranberry relish.

They caught me while I was hungry.

I bought the entire package of goods they were selling, as well a very nice bottle of white wine.

SUCKER OVER HERE.

But on Saturday as we were planning our evening, I decided to invite a gal-pal who lives in Los Angeles by herself, without any family, and she happily agreed. She also added to the feast (mashed potatoes, green beans and more wine).

So on Saturday evening, we prepared and ate more than we should, and drank some delicious wine.

THEN THE WIGS CAME OUT.

It started innocently enough. We were talking about taking advantage of the iceskating rink in Santa Monica, which is outdoors and open for a few months each year, even if it’s 80 degrees outside. We planned to go sometime in December and leave our mark on the place.

“We have to wear funky hats or something” our friend (who is a veteran Burning Man patron, and can’t seem to do anything without adding a little glitter) said.

“Hats? I’ve got hats. I’ve got WIGS too.”

So the hats and wigs came out, and THIS is how our Thanksgiving celebration became like Pulp Fiction.

Screen Shot 2014-11-23 at 4.53.27 PM

Stay tuned for the Santa Monica Ice edition.

And have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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#MomFactor: Never throw away those old Halloween costumes. Ya never know when they may come in handy.

Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get the blissful yoga routine in an eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” by Lisa Jey Davis for FREE as a result. Registration is on the right sidebar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

 

 

I was rocking *AND* rolling

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I WAS ROCKING *AND* ROLLING

 

#DailyMischief

 

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So the other night, M.C. Nugget and I went out for some cocktails with my new BFFs Marrie and Suzie. I mentioned here how Marrie and Suzie (fellow bloggers who also dish on dating and relationships) and I have known each other for about six years or something, and yet we just met in person this week. That was a very cool experience.

But on Friday night we brought the SMACK DOWN on nightlife in Santa Monica when the four of us decided to meet for drinks after happy hour, after we’d already had a couple of cocktails.

Sure, it began as a respectable gathering. We grabbed a great table on the outside patio at Areal (our favorite place), and shared funny stories. It felt very civilized. I think… I mean, isn’t THIS what respectable, fun and interesting adults do? I’m just curious.

After a few cocktails and a couple of other stops, we (me) decided it was time to dance. I like to dance, and if I hear good music, I’m done for. Play a song I’m in love with at the moment, and I AM CUTTING A RUG, you guys. It’s a weakness I was born with (it runs in my family, as evidenced by the above photo). If the Pied Piper tried to woo me, that blasted flute thing wouldn’t do. Not unless he played a beat-box track along with it. Then, I’d be toast. And this is true, whether there is alcohol involved or not. Alcohol merely intensives things.

So, there was that.

As the evening at Bar Copa (the closest dance place we could get to) progressed, I decided to busta-move in front of our little table. When I say busta-move, I don’t mean twerking, no. We’re talking deep knee bends… the kind where you squat all the way down to the floor and stand right back up. I can do this… normally. 

I was able to do it a couple of times, but I was a little wobbly, so instead of cutting my losses and moving on, I chose to keep trying. I teetered forward a couple of times, catching myself on the little table in front of me, until I finally over compensated, and rolled backward onto my BUTT.

ON THE FLOOR.

ON MY ASS.

Great way to break out my slick cool moves for my new girlfriends, I know.

Nuggie quickly jumped up, “Okay, dancy, come and sit over here with me.” But there was no controlling me. I just kept rocking AND rolling.

It wasn’t the alcohol, I swear.

It was THESE SHOES.

I rocked AND rolled

I promise, if you try to deep-knee-bend-dance in these shoes, you WILL invent a new dance. It will be called the ROLLY POLLY.

It brings a whole new meaning to the song “Get on up on the dance floor.”

 

#MomFactor: Every mom needs a little fun now and then. That’s all I got. 

 

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get the blissful yoga routine in an eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” by Lisa Jey Davis for FREE as a result. Registration is on the right sidebar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.