Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

women

The bamboozle is strong in that one

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#DailyMischief

#TheFunny

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Hmmm… never heard “The bamboozle is strong in that one” mentioned on a Starwars movie or show? Well, that’s interesting. Perhaps you’ve heard of me making up phrases that have been ripped off from pop-culture? I know I’m off by a word… It should be “The bamboozle is strong WITH that one.” But sheesh, that is a long ass title.

In other news (and the above will make sense in a minute), I have an announcement to make, and THIS, my friends, is MAJOR.

After about seven years of fun and frolicking, M.C. Nugget and I have decided it’s time to tie the knot and continue the fun and frolicking, officially (if that’s even possible).

Though I am technically going off the market my lovey doves, this does not mean I will discontinue to reveal my secrets from the dating world. Pfff! Married people still go on dates. So, this does NOT mean things in Ms. Cheevious-land will come to a screeching halt. And considering Nuggie and I have been living together for about five years, and I’ve still been able to maintain some semblance of humor about dating, fun, life and it’s crazy moments… well there you go. I’ve bamboozled you this whole time (insert evil laugh).

This leads me to a little conversation Nuggie and I had last week. I was complaining once again about chicks (not the baby chicken variety, but CHICKS, people. WOMEN. GIRLS.). I was complaining because chicks are such high maintenance. (yes… you can tweet that if you must). It’s probably why I don’t have many female friends. They come into my life, and then seem to promptly exit when the shit gets real. I simply don’t have time for Flaky McFlakelsteins, or Neurotic McNeurotic-al-Stiltskins… and I definitely don’t have the patience for anyone who doesn’t work to change or improve their lives (and stop being loony). Plus, there is that whole “how can you soar with eagles, when you’re surrounded by turkeys” thing I like to keep in mind.

I don’t always get it, but women constantly show me just how neurotic and touchy they can be. You can’t ALWAYS blame hormones ladies! Come ON.

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It’s like it’s hardwired into them to short circuit regularly. They’re just so FREAKING touchy. I am ONE OF THEM, and even I can’t figure them out! Poor GUYS! (you can tweet that one too)

So, I’d been through some sort of nonsensical dramatic discussion with a gal pal, and was whining about it (the female irony doesn’t escape me here… me, neurotically complaining about chicks and their weird neuroses), when I said, exasperated, “CHICKS!”

To which Nuggie replied, “You’re preaching to the choir here.”

The rest of our little exchange went something like this (and yes… we rip off Star Wars whenever we can):

Nugget: But you aren’t like other chicks, baby! That’s why we’re doing this WEDDING thing. You Bamboozled me!

Me: No… I bamboozled you for the KEY… (I was the first female to ever have a key to Nuggie’s apartment)

Nugget: Heyyyy… you’re right. Your bamboozle is strong…

Me: You mean, “The bamboozle is strong in that one?”

Nugget: Yes… but it’s “The Bamboozle is strong with that one.”

Yes, even Yoda would be proud. And now… a wedding. And yes… pigs do fly.

(insert evil laugh)

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Blog content copyright 2015, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms.Cheevious.

Don’t ever stop trying

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Don’t ever stop trying   

#DailyMischief

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I have been a single mom for much of my mothering lifetime (aside from the 12 years I was married and living with my ex, of course, but I was single mommy before marriage, and obviously afterward again). I was the mommy, the daddy, coach, tutor, confidant, cop, friend and anyone or thing else my sons ever needed. If my kids needed a guy to tell goofy, silly potty-humor jokes to, well I was their guy… to a certain extent.

Because I can relate to the struggles all single moms face, I am sympathetic to them. So, I have a soft spot in my heart for struggling single mommies.

“So what,” you say, “Single moms are pretty much the majority these days, right? And there are tons of people supporting and helping single moms.”

You know, you’re right.

But you see, most people help single moms with advice on parenting, or paying the bills or finishing their college degree. All very worthy areas of need for these mommies. And I like to help out where I can in those areas on occasion as well.

But I don’t know anyone offering the kind of help I think is crucial for single moms.

HOW TO ENJOY BEING SINGLE AS A SINGLE MOM

Single moms must never forget that they are SINGLE. I want them to understand that just because their responsibilities at home quadrupled when they got a divorce, or their kid’s daddy left, or maybe even right when they gave birth, it does not mean they stopped being a red-blooded female with all the wants, desires and needs that go with the territory!

In the interest of helping a sistah out, I found and am sharing this check list I compiled before apps or the internet were readily available. Every single mom should have something like this at her fingertips, to ensure that one of the most under-served parts of her body (otherwise known as her libido) gets some attention, and STAT.

I’ve filled in the blanks, where you would normally keep your own information, but you can see, it’s not about having an actual check list, it’s about being organized, having essential information at your fingertips and always being ready with the supplies you need should the occasion arise.

Hot Moms Check List

These days, single mommy ladies gotta’ be friggin’ BOY SCOUTS if they ever want to get lucky and/or have an adult life. As they say, you’ve got to BE PREPARED.

Get those resources together… all of the people you can think of that will help you in your time of “need,” and that includes hot men (even if they’re just friends, because we all know hot men beget hot girls, which in turn attracts MORE HOT MEN). My personal fave from the check list? Jean Paul (tres Francais) the cute soccer coach.

Come on girls. Even if you have daughters, they’ve got coaches and friends with daddies who are single don’t they?! Be on the lookout!

Remember ladies: Every single one of you is HOT. We humans are all hot in one way or another. So embrace your hotness, and get busy getting lucky! You’ll be glad you did it for yourself, but believe it or not, your kids will benefit as well!

HAPPY UN-FRUSTRATED MOMMY = HAPPY, WELL-ADJUSTED KIDS.

I know that there are some days, weeks, months (maybe even whole years – really?) when the kids’ needs are simply too great, and you’re exhausted just trying to keep up.

Just don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop trying.

You heard it here first.

AND INTRODUCING A NEW COMPONENT TO MY POSTS: THE #MOMFACTOR

The Mom Factor will be a brief synopsis of what each post means for single moms (or moms in general). Look for it.

#MomFactor: If your kids grow up to be in your shoes one day (though it’s not always ideal, it could happen), wouldn’t you want them to have a life and get out there and meet people? Teach your kids to value themselves. Teach them to respect themselves.

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Register to receive these posts once a week by email and get my eBook “Ahhhhh…Haaaaaa Moments with Ms. Cheevious” for FREE as a result. Registration is on the right side bar of every blog post, or on our Facebook page. See you next time.

Blog content copyright 2014, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious.

 

Future you is so mean

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FUTURE YOU IS SO MEAN

 

#DailyMischief

 

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Have you ever heard a guy cry out in pure exasperation “Chicks!”?

They do that – especially when we girls aren’t around. It’s because we females stupefy, dumbfound, confound, and baffle men (you can tweet that).

The only reason I know this is because M.C. Nugget and I say it ourselves about other chicks all the time. You can’t blame us (or – er – them – or – er – men).  Women come up with some of the quirkiest, zaniest things, most of the time for no good reason at all.

Nuggie doesn’t ever say it about me, though. The guy’s got it pretty good. He’s had hardly any chicky situations to deal with from me. I’ve probably got more testosterone than the average woman, which sort of makes me not quite understand “chicky” behavior either. Nuggie and I see eye to eye on this issue. This is where we are compadres.

But today was different.

It was as if the Big Guy upstairs needed a laugh and the heavens opened up so He could thwack me on the head with His magic wand (full of female juju). (That or it could have a little to do with another thing that’s going on in my body chemistry right now… I’ve alluded to this phenomena otherwise known as hormones (or lack thereof) in too many posts to count, but my most recent funny (or slightly scary) rant can be found here).

Nuggie and I were pleasantly going about our day. He was in the living room surrounded by and opening his mail, I was in the kitchen (about four strides away) making my lunch. It was a pleasant ordinary day until Nuggie said what I heard as either a slightly frustrated, or it could have been a somewhat satisfied sigh and “Paid the bills!”

I replied “How was it?” (because aren’t all bills painful? I wanted to be sure he was okay) and the rest went like this:

Nuggie: I don’t know.

Me: Huh?

Nuggie (slightly frustrated): I haven’t finished yet.

Me: What do you mean? What’d you say?

Nuggie (thoroughly confused now) and more loudly: I SAID I’M “PAYING THE BILLS!”

Me: OMG! I just heard “Paid the bills!”  *Laughing*

That’s scary!  If we’re THIS bad now, we’re in trouble! It’s gonna’ be like “EHHH? Sonny boy? What’s that? Pay for some thrills?” 

We both chuckled about that for a minute.

The fact that THIS is where our conversations go during the day while we’re supposed to be working has me a little more than concerned, but it didn’t end there.

As I thought about our future conversation and compared it to what just happened (with Nuggie getting slightly peeved) and I imagined the same thing with a crotchety Nuggie, I got my feelings hurt.

Yes… I, Ms. Cheevious, the one with far more testosterone than the average female who is unable to understand “chicky” nonsense, took our future conversation to the only possible conclusion – that of old geezer Nuggie grumbling and growling at me because CONFOUND IT, YOU SHOULD TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID!

old man grumbling ...

…and I GOT MY FEELINGS HURT.

 

I finally said out loud, “Honey! Future you is SO mean!!!“

 

You heard it here first. I went chicky. Just this once.

 

All together now:

“CHICKS!”

 

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Photo Credit:

Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike License  | Dietmar Temps / Flickr

 

When retrograde would really suck

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WHEN RETROGRADE WOULD REALLY SUCK

 

#DailyMischief

 

M.C. Nugget and I were driving to dinner the other day. It was a happy day because Nuggie booked a major role in a film (yay Nuggie), and we were going to dinner at one of my favorite Italian restaurants to celebrate. As we drove, I chatted with him about my day. It had been one of those days from a parallel universe.You know… when the coffee just finished brewing but tastes cold; or when every file you purposefully save with a certain name and in a certain place so you could find it easily later, somehow disappears? Or in this case, where the women everywhere in your life start to go “off” — getting upset or overly sensitive about things or jumping to conclusions and making rash decisions (rash, as in cutting of your hand because it’s itching, rash).

I’d already been experiencing weird paranormal events with my electronics earlier this month and questioned on Twitter whether it was time for Mercury’s Retrograde. It was.

So as I mused over this with Nuggie, I said “It wouldn’t be Mercury… but…

is there a planet whose retrograde causes women to go batshit crazy?”

The Eyes Have It

Nuggie laughed. He thought that was the BOMB. We wondered if Venus’ retrograde would do that. Does Venus have a retrograde? All I can say is if any kind of retrograde can cause chicks to go batshit crazy (more than usual, that is), that is when retrograde would really suck.

Those blasted parts that enable us to give birth

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I got my Ms. Cheevious “teal” charm bracelet today! I’m SUPER excited too because it will help to save lives (in its own little way). I was so excited I made THIS VIDEO below. Watching said video will enable you to “get” the my post title, but I will say this: #SaveTheOvaries #SaveTheWomen #SaveTheHumanRace

I’m happy that the video is TOTALLY fun, and encouraging… even though I am NOT very cool. Just watch and tell me what you think. I’ll owe you a piece of chocolate cake at least. Watching it is worth a piece of cake for sure.

The link you can click to get your own cool bracelet? 

http://www.cafepress.com/mscheevious.941206051