Sex

When I first got divorced, I wasn’t even thinking about dating, per se. I was off in La-La Land (Los Angeles for you newbies in the class… get with the program) trying to stop flopping around as a single person, when the first interesting guy came along. He turned out to be a guy who’d cheated on girlfriends on multiple occasions, but that didn’t stop me, no. I WAS HOOKED. It wasn’t necessarily HIM I was hooked on. We weren’t in a relationship for goddsakes.

I was hooked on the feeling, baby! He just happened to be the first person who came along, was a willing participant, and put the bounce back into my step (or the spark into my -um- spark plug?)….

I often confused that tingly feeling with feeling special or being treated special. And heck, that tingly feeling is pretty FREAKING special. Can you blame me?

By the time I rose up from the ashes of those post-divorce “sparks” and realized it hadn’t been a lover whispering sweet nothings, but my hormones trying to scream at me…well… I’d met far too many losers.

But really, ladies, ADMIT IT. You do this too. You make the mistake of falling for the same bad guy over and over again, because not only does it feel good when we get a little action, but… well…here’s a hint: THE BAD GUYS WORK HARD TO WOO US. (Plus, most women love the challenge of taming the wild beast more than we like to admit. TRUE STORY).

And for our part, we’re putty in their hands. They’re the carpet baggers and we are handing them our prized possessions, because dammit that tingly feeling feels GOOD! You could hook me up to an i.v. NOW. I wouldn’t say no.

So when the folks at DatingMetrics.com showed me a study with statistics around this phenomenon, I knew I needed to explore further. Granted… these are people writing blog posts like “Talking to Girls Like 007” and “Picking Up Women in the Wild: 9 Lessons from the Animal Kingdom” but I was intrigued, nonetheless.

So, I conducted a scientific evaluation of my own and am hand-delivering my findings to you, here and now.

Read on, learn, and NEVER, EVER fall for a loser again (and by loser, I do not mean a hot, gorgeous, edgy guy… those guys aren’t bad, right?):

Who ARE you people at Dating Metrics, and WHY did you do this study?

Think of us as mad scientists who measure the do’s and don’ts of dating in a secret laboratory. We did this study to wrap up the bad boy vs. nice guy debate once and for all because there’s been a lot of talk recently that nice guys are the 21st century choice and we wanted to cry BULL SH*T!

There’s been a lot of talk that nice guys are the choice for the 21st century, and we wanted to cry BULL SH*T!

But to shout from the rooftops we needed proof…so we found it in the TV characters that get women addicted to shows like The Vampire Diaries, Mad Men and True Blood.

After rounding up 53 of the “sexiest TV character” lists ONLY written by women and counting 444 votes we slam dunk proved it: 86% of women’s favorite TV characters are – you guessed it – bad to the bone. Bad boys aren’t just winning…they’re cleaning up.

86% of women’s favorite TV characters are bad to the bone. Bad boys aren’t just winning… they’re cleaning up.

What was the most shocking thing you found?

Get this: 40% of women’s votes didn’t just go to any old bad boy. They went to cold blooded MURDERERS like Dexter Morgan, Damon Salvatore and Jesse Pinkman.

Most shocking: 40% of women’s votes went to cold-blooded MURDERERS.

This quote from a Dexter fan kinda says it all: “I’m starting to get alarmed about how many murderers I would justify getting with, but Dexter only kills other killers so it’s like he’s not even a killer at all. He’s basically Batman. Beautiful, ginger Batman.”

Sure, this was all about fantasy boyfriends (serial killers wouldn’t be ideal in real life), but despite this data being very tongue in cheek, it speaks VOLUMES about the type of man that makes women…you know…go WILD.

Tell me, oh gurus…why do you think we women DO THIS STUFF?

Women do it because oh…it feels so GOOOOOD! Bad boys allow women to unleash their most primal, sexual urges. They deliver a roller coaster ride of passion, danger, adventure and animalistic lust. Here’s a quote from a Don Draper fan that sums this up perfectly:

“Don Draper is sex. Don Draper is beauty. Don Draper is the kind of guy who will leave you at the side of the road, and have angry sex with you while making Kraft dinner.”

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Like I said people…. Hooked on a feeling.

I mean, feelings are good, but come on. Get over it. Take a trip to the sex toy shop if you must, or find a better feeling. You deserve it!

Oh – and here’s a nifty infographic you can pin, post, tweet, pluck, whatevs…. Check it out (and don’t forget to comment on this post):

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Don’t ever stop trying

August 7, 2014 by MsCheevious

Don’t ever stop trying

#DailyMischief

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I have been a single mom for much of my mothering lifetime (aside from the 12 years I was married and living with my ex, of course, but I was single mommy before marriage, and obviously afterward again). I was the mommy, the daddy, coach, tutor, confidant, cop, friend and anyone or thing else my sons ever needed. If my kids needed a guy to tell goofy, silly potty-humor jokes to, well I was their guy… to a certain extent.

Because I can relate to the struggles all single moms face, I am sympathetic to them. So, I have a soft spot in my heart for struggling single mommies.

“So what,” you say, “Single moms are pretty much the majority these days, right? And there are tons of people supporting and helping single moms.”

You know, you’re right.

But you see, most people help single moms with advice on parenting, or paying the bills or finishing their college degree. All very worthy areas of need for these mommies. And I like to help out where I can in those areas on occasion as well.

But I don’t know anyone offering the kind of help I think is crucial for single moms.

HOW TO ENJOY BEING SINGLE AS A SINGLE MOM

Single moms must never forget that they are SINGLE. I want them to understand that just because their responsibilities at home quadrupled when they got a divorce, or their kid’s daddy left, or maybe even right when they gave birth, it does not mean they stopped being a red-blooded female with all the wants, desires and needs that go with the territory!

In the interest of helping a sistah out, I found and am sharing this check list I compiled before apps or the internet were readily available. Every single mom should have something like this at her fingertips, to ensure that one of the most under-served parts of her body (otherwise known as her libido) gets some attention, and STAT.

I’ve filled in the blanks, where you would normally keep your own information, but you can see, it’s not about having an actual check list, it’s about being organized, having essential information at your fingertips and always being ready with the supplies you need should the occasion arise.

These days, single mommy ladies gotta’ be friggin’ BOY SCOUTS if they ever want to get lucky and/or have an adult life. As they say, you’ve got to BE PREPARED.

Get those resources together… all of the people you can think of that will help you in your time of “need,” and that includes hot men (even if they’re just friends, because we all know hot men beget hot girls, which in turn attracts MORE HOT MEN). My personal fave from the check list? Jean Paul (tres Francais) the cute soccer coach.

Come on girls. Even if you have daughters, they’ve got coaches and friends with daddies who are single don’t they?! Be on the lookout!

Remember ladies: Every single one of you is HOT. We humans are all hot in one way or another. So embrace your hotness, and get busy getting lucky! You’ll be glad you did it for yourself, but believe it or not, your kids will benefit as well!

HAPPY UN-FRUSTRATED MOMMY = HAPPY, WELL-ADJUSTED KIDS.

I know that there are some days, weeks, months (maybe even whole years – really?) when the kids’ needs are simply too great, and you’re exhausted just trying to keep up.

Just don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop trying.

You heard it here first.

AND INTRODUCING A NEW COMPONENT TO MY POSTS: THE #MOMFACTOR

The Mom Factor will be a brief synopsis of what each post means for single moms (or moms in general). Look for it.

#MomFactor: If your kids grow up to be in your shoes one day (though it’s not always ideal, it could happen), wouldn’t you want them to have a life and get out there and meet people? Teach your kids to value themselves. Teach them to respect themselves.

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10 Things Girls Secretly Wish About Guys

May 16, 2012 by MsCheevious

I received some interesting comments in response to my article “10 Things Guys Secretly Wish About Women” here on my site, on Facebook and via personal emails.

It was a fun post to write. I really wanted to explore the subject because I feel as though women tend to believe (and promote) ridiculous notions about themselves. It is tiring and embarrassing being held accountable by men for ideas floating around (which sound good initially, but end up falling flat) like ‘women should “become” successful or fashionable or fit, because that is what a man wants’, or even worse, that certain behaviors are okay because we are – well, female – for goddsakes. Not true. Clinginess or nagging is unattractive no matter what sex organs you possess. Yes, there are certain things we can do to rock our partner’s world. The article definitely addressed some of those things (like supporting their passions, even if it involves watching, listening or sacrificing our date night to sports almost every day of the week). Reminder. It wasn’t a list of MUSTS – just what guys secretly wish. Likewise, this is not a MUST-DO list for guys. Guys can take it or leave it with no judgment whatsoever. They may never get lucky again, but hey – it’s their prerogative.

In all fairness, however, women deserve equal time. I covered things for the guys, so by-god my girls and I get our day in Ms. Cheevious-land too. Plus, some of you wrote and asked me to do it.

One of the things that crossed my mind when I decided to write about this was “are you friggin’ KIDDING? Women? The list could be endless!”

I admit I think we are a little whacky and our wishes about guys are all over the map. With men, whittling it down to ten things seemed pretty easy – and I probably covered it pretty thoroughly. They’re pretty simple human beings. Food, sex, laughs, eye candy and activities they enjoy (reading, athletic, channel surfing – choose the poison) are probably about it for them. Not so for women. A quick Google search of the things women wish about guys delivered 579 million results. That’s the actual number people. One such result was a Facebook page dedicated to the 257 Things a Girl Wished a Guy Knew. Wow. I wouldn’t want to be a guy.

If you haven’t noticed yet, WE’RE VERY DIFFERENT.

There are some really important differences between men and women (aside from the obvious) that make it truly impossible for me to list ALL the things women wish about men in this article.

EMOTIONS. We women are complex creatures who are not only willing to allow emotions a place of prominence in our decision making processes, we are hardwired to do so (hormones, cycles, etc). Most men (not all, of course) are simple individuals (see above). They know what they want and need, and they try to make that happen. Simple.

BRAINS. Women think differently than men. We access our left and right brains simultaneously. Men use one side at a time. This benefits us often (we’re amazing multi-taskers), but it can backfire as well. If, for instance, we are compelled by logic (left brain) NOT to text or call the guy — AGAIN — often (at the very same time) the right brain in all its creativity and imagination (fueled by those ooey-gooey, yummy emotions) offers up just as compelling an argument to do so, i.e. ‘but I really like him.. and…[imagining] wouldn’t we make such a cute couple? If I show him how cute I am, he’s bound to see how cute we would be together. I’ll text him this cute picture right now…”

BODIES. Our bodies are different, and have different needs. We possess extremely complex, multi-layered va-jay-jays (and our not-so-complex, but equally tantalizing ta-tas). Men have some pretty basic elements to their physiques – a penis and its – ehem – cohorts. Once you’ve explored every nook and cranny, there AIN’T much else to discover. But no one knows or holds the keys to the kingdom when it comes to every undiscovered secret of the great female organ. Not even the woman possessing it. So then, why would anyone expect that from any man (who simply wants food, sex, laughs and enjoyable activities)?

I could go on, but I think you get my point.

Still, in the name of equality, and in an effort to be just as thorough for my girls, I’m diving in. LORD help me.

1. TREAT ME SPECIAL NO MATTER WHO IS AROUND (DON’T TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY WHEN YOU”RE AROUND YOUR FRIENDS). That’s just weak. Be good to me. Period. Not too difficult. Don’t disrespect me. If you need guy time, I get it. Just don’t treat me like one of your locker room buddies when they are around (insults, jabs and wise-cracks about bodily functions included) and expect me to crawl all over you later that evening.

2. DON’T BE A JEALOUS OR POSSESSIVE NANCY. That’s even weaker. Be confident in yourself and in our relationship, no matter how gorgeous you think I am (and thank you, by the way, but it’s not a threat to you), or how scandalous and untrustworthy other guys may be.

3. DON’T BE A SLOBBOVIAN WHEN YOU GROOM YOURSELF. You did NOT just clip your nose hairs and leave it in the sink, did you? Puh-leeez. I am not your maid, or your mom. I love seeing you when you’re well groomed (translation: when you look and smell clean and are the HOT guy I am attracted to). I don’t want to know (or see or smell) how it happened, especially when it’s etched into the grout.

4. IF YOU ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WE WILL LOVE YOU MORE. You might even get a little extra somethin’ somethin’. This one requires no further explanation. Just ask, for goddsakes.

5. SUPPORT MY PASSIONS. Just as I watch and try to enjoy – or fake it – your sports, your dune buggies, motorcycles, model airplanes, etc… at least on occasion, I want you to do the same for my shows, my occasional trip to the mall, antiquing…. even daisy picking. Yep…once more… with feeling. The “Real Housewives,” “The Bachelor,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Revenge,” are all now part of the deal. And those daisies won’t pick themselves. But seriously men, if we agree to extend each other a hall pass for such activities, well, at least smile and act excited for us as we head out the door to our next chick flick. When we see you next, maybe even ask about it, and try to act interested. Don’t let your eyes glaze over. Hopefully in return we’ll do the same while you’re on your way to hang out with the guys at the Sports Bar all day on a Sunday, or when you launch into a ten minute diatribe on the NFL draft and the doom of the first-round draft pick’s career.

6. CELEBRATE MY SUCCESSES WITH ME. Don’t be threatened, even if you are out of work. My good fortune is your good fortune. We’re a team. If that means you are on Windex or Pledge duty, well, I’ll cheer you on too. I’ll be that support you need, but don’t ruin things by handling my good fortune badly.

7. CUDDLE AND TOUCH ME MORE. I’m not saying it has to be all the time. But geez, how about once in a while? Maybe after a hard day, while we watch TV, anytime the time is right… caress my cheek… stroke my hair… squeeze my arm gently… hug me… put your hand on my leg when we sit next to each other… Once in a while will do. Just do it.

8. MS. VA-JAY-JAY LIKES “SPECIAL” ATTENTION AS MUCH OR MORE THAN MR. WINKY. Because I am built so that you can please me in a multiplicity of ways, I don’t complain when I don’t get that specific attention. Just don’t make it rare or never. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not only that, sometimes we actually want, or NEED to have that full-throttle orgasm that just won’t happen by the traditional means. You may have to get creative yourself Mister.

9. SURPRISE ME. Let me know you are thinking of me when I’m not around. Buy me some flowers or do something as a token of your affection… at work or at home… in a restaurant — For no apparent reason.

10. BE MY MAN. And all that entails. Chivalry is not dead, and contrary to popular belief – I still like it. I am strong, intelligent, independent and an incredible success story in my own right. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armor, necessarily, but if you want to walk on the street side of the sidewalk, and open the door for me, I won’t mind. I would also greatly appreciate and probably become your love slave, should you find occasion to defend my honor, and do so. I’m just sayin’. I don’t need a man to rescue me, but I do appreciate him showing that he can, that he cares and that he is willing, should he see the opportunity.

So there you have it. I did say there was no way on EARTH to cover everything, didn’t I?

Check in next time for something frivolous and delicious. I’ll be over here conjuring it up…

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

WATCH the related video: http://youtu.be/V_eCt04xKak

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Hooked on a feeling

HOOKED ON A FEELING

Who ARE you people at Dating Metrics, and WHY did you do this study?

There’s been a lot of talk that nice guys are the choice for the 21st century, and we wanted to cry BULL SHT!*

86% of women’s favorite TV characters are bad to the bone. Bad boys aren’t just winning… they’re cleaning up.

What was the most shocking thing you found?

Most shocking: 40% of women’s votes went to cold-blooded MURDERERS.

Tell me, oh gurus…why do you think we women DO THIS STUFF?

Don’t ever stop trying

Don’t ever stop trying

HOW TO ENJOY BEING SINGLE AS A SINGLE MOM

AND INTRODUCING A NEW COMPONENT TO MY POSTS: THE #MOMFACTOR

The Funny (that’s the blog people)

Get a Free Book

Sex

HOOKED ON A FEELING

Who ARE you people at Dating Metrics, and WHY did you do this study?

There’s been a lot of talk that nice guys are the choice for the 21st century, and we wanted to cry BULL SH*T!

86% of women’s favorite TV characters are bad to the bone. Bad boys aren’t just winning… they’re cleaning up.

What was the most shocking thing you found?

Most shocking: 40% of women’s votes went to cold-blooded MURDERERS.

Tell me, oh gurus…why do you think we women DO THIS STUFF?

Don’t ever stop trying

HOW TO ENJOY BEING SINGLE AS A SINGLE MOM

AND INTRODUCING A NEW COMPONENT TO MY POSTS: THE #MOMFACTOR

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The Funny (that’s the blog people)

Get a Free Book

There’s been a lot of talk that nice guys are the choice for the 21st century, and we wanted to cry BULL SHT!*