I received some interesting comments in response to my article “10 Things Guys Secretly Wish About Women” here on my site, on Facebook and via personal emails.
It was a fun post to write. I really wanted to explore the subject because I feel as though women tend to believe (and promote) ridiculous notions about themselves. It is tiring and embarrassing being held accountable by men for ideas floating around (which sound good initially, but end up falling flat) like ‘women should “become” successful or fashionable or fit, because that is what a man wants’, or even worse, that certain behaviors are okay because we are – well, female – for goddsakes. Not true. Clinginess or nagging is unattractive no matter what sex organs you possess. Yes, there are certain things we can do to rock our partner’s world. The article definitely addressed some of those things (like supporting their passions, even if it involves watching, listening or sacrificing our date night to sports almost every day of the week). Reminder. It wasn’t a list of MUSTS – just what guys secretly wish. Likewise, this is not a MUST-DO list for guys. Guys can take it or leave it with no judgment whatsoever. They may never get lucky again, but hey – it’s their prerogative.
In all fairness, however, women deserve equal time. I covered things for the guys, so by-god my girls and I get our day in Ms. Cheevious-land too. Plus, some of you wrote and asked me to do it.
One of the things that crossed my mind when I decided to write about this was “are you friggin’ KIDDING? Women? The list could be endless!”
I admit I think we are a little whacky and our wishes about guys are all over the map. With men, whittling it down to ten things seemed pretty easy – and I probably covered it pretty thoroughly. They’re pretty simple human beings. Food, sex, laughs, eye candy and activities they enjoy (reading, athletic, channel surfing – choose the poison) are probably about it for them. Not so for women. A quick Google search of the things women wish about guys delivered 579 million results. That’s the actual number people. One such result was a Facebook page dedicated to the 257 Things a Girl Wished a Guy Knew. Wow. I wouldn’t want to be a guy.
If you haven’t noticed yet, WE’RE VERY DIFFERENT.
There are some really important differences between men and women (aside from the obvious) that make it truly impossible for me to list ALL the things women wish about men in this article.
EMOTIONS. We women are complex creatures who are not only willing to allow emotions a place of prominence in our decision making processes, we are hardwired to do so (hormones, cycles, etc). Most men (not all, of course) are simple individuals (see above). They know what they want and need, and they try to make that happen. Simple.
BRAINS. Women think differently than men. We access our left and right brains simultaneously. Men use one side at a time. This benefits us often (we’re amazing multi-taskers), but it can backfire as well. If, for instance, we are compelled by logic (left brain) NOT to text or call the guy — AGAIN — often (at the very same time) the right brain in all its creativity and imagination (fueled by those ooey-gooey, yummy emotions) offers up just as compelling an argument to do so, i.e. ‘but I really like him.. and…[imagining] wouldn’t we make such a cute couple? If I show him how cute I am, he’s bound to see how cute we would be together. I’ll text him this cute picture right now…”
BODIES. Our bodies are different, and have different needs. We possess extremely complex, multi-layered va-jay-jays (and our not-so-complex, but equally tantalizing ta-tas). Men have some pretty basic elements to their physiques – a penis and its – ehem – cohorts. Once you’ve explored every nook and cranny, there AIN’T much else to discover. But no one knows or holds the keys to the kingdom when it comes to every undiscovered secret of the great female organ. Not even the woman possessing it. So then, why would anyone expect that from any man (who simply wants food, sex, laughs and enjoyable activities)?
I could go on, but I think you get my point.
Still, in the name of equality, and in an effort to be just as thorough for my girls, I’m diving in. LORD help me.
1. TREAT ME SPECIAL NO MATTER WHO IS AROUND (DON’T TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY WHEN YOU”RE AROUND YOUR FRIENDS). That’s just weak. Be good to me. Period. Not too difficult. Don’t disrespect me. If you need guy time, I get it. Just don’t treat me like one of your locker room buddies when they are around (insults, jabs and wise-cracks about bodily functions included) and expect me to crawl all over you later that evening.
2. DON’T BE A JEALOUS OR POSSESSIVE NANCY. That’s even weaker. Be confident in yourself and in our relationship, no matter how gorgeous you think I am (and thank you, by the way, but it’s not a threat to you), or how scandalous and untrustworthy other guys may be.
3. DON’T BE A SLOBBOVIAN WHEN YOU GROOM YOURSELF. You did NOT just clip your nose hairs and leave it in the sink, did you? Puh-leeez. I am not your maid, or your mom. I love seeing you when you’re well groomed (translation: when you look and smell clean and are the HOT guy I am attracted to). I don’t want to know (or see or smell) how it happened, especially when it’s etched into the grout.
4. IF YOU ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WE WILL LOVE YOU MORE. You might even get a little extra somethin’ somethin’. This one requires no further explanation. Just ask, for goddsakes.
5. SUPPORT MY PASSIONS. Just as I watch and try to enjoy – or fake it – your sports, your dune buggies, motorcycles, model airplanes, etc… at least on occasion, I want you to do the same for my shows, my occasional trip to the mall, antiquing…. even daisy picking. Yep…once more… with feeling. The “Real Housewives,” “The Bachelor,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Revenge,” are all now part of the deal. And those daisies won’t pick themselves. But seriously men, if we agree to extend each other a hall pass for such activities, well, at least smile and act excited for us as we head out the door to our next chick flick. When we see you next, maybe even ask about it, and try to act interested. Don’t let your eyes glaze over. Hopefully in return we’ll do the same while you’re on your way to hang out with the guys at the Sports Bar all day on a Sunday, or when you launch into a ten minute diatribe on the NFL draft and the doom of the first-round draft pick’s career.
6. CELEBRATE MY SUCCESSES WITH ME. Don’t be threatened, even if you are out of work. My good fortune is your good fortune. We’re a team. If that means you are on Windex or Pledge duty, well, I’ll cheer you on too. I’ll be that support you need, but don’t ruin things by handling my good fortune badly.
7. CUDDLE AND TOUCH ME MORE. I’m not saying it has to be all the time. But geez, how about once in a while? Maybe after a hard day, while we watch TV, anytime the time is right… caress my cheek… stroke my hair… squeeze my arm gently… hug me… put your hand on my leg when we sit next to each other… Once in a while will do. Just do it.
8. MS. VA-JAY-JAY LIKES “SPECIAL” ATTENTION AS MUCH OR MORE THAN MR. WINKY. Because I am built so that you can please me in a multiplicity of ways, I don’t complain when I don’t get that specific attention. Just don’t make it rare or never. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not only that, sometimes we actually want, or NEED to have that full-throttle orgasm that just won’t happen by the traditional means. You may have to get creative yourself Mister.
9. SURPRISE ME. Let me know you are thinking of me when I’m not around. Buy me some flowers or do something as a token of your affection… at work or at home… in a restaurant — For no apparent reason.
10. BE MY MAN. And all that entails. Chivalry is not dead, and contrary to popular belief – I still like it. I am strong, intelligent, independent and an incredible success story in my own right. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armor, necessarily, but if you want to walk on the street side of the sidewalk, and open the door for me, I won’t mind. I would also greatly appreciate and probably become your love slave, should you find occasion to defend my honor, and do so. I’m just sayin’. I don’t need a man to rescue me, but I do appreciate him showing that he can, that he cares and that he is willing, should he see the opportunity.
So there you have it. I did say there was no way on EARTH to cover everything, didn’t I?
Check in next time for something frivolous and delicious. I’ll be over here conjuring it up…
Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!
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