Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood

My Zany Years Spent Working in Tinsel Town

Single Women

Dirty Little Secrets

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Ms. Cheevious Note: This week, we’re participating in a virtual book tour for the popular Sex, Life & Hannah fictional series by author Dorota Skrzypek.  The third book in Dorota’s jaw-dropping, frank, and relatable book series Sex, Life, & Hannah, Summer Season, is due this July. The book release party will be held at Book Soup in Los Angeles on Friday, July 20th at 7PM (link below). Follow the rest of Dorota’s virtual book tour for an opportunity to win all three of her books here!

Below is an excerpt from chapter 19.  Read it. Then, whether you love it, are incensed by it, or thrilled — TALK about it!  “Share” and Tweet your comments my lovelies. Let’s show Dorota what Ms. Cheevious people can do.

xoxo

Ms. Cheevious
, Editor in (Mis) Chief

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Dirty Little Secrets

I’m working on smoky eyes in front of my mirror, to match my long-sleeved black-cuffed mauve blouse and tight black leather shorts outfit. Butterflies in my stomach.

Three years ago, maybe even to the day, my relationship with Christian turned into an affair. I didn’t plan it that way; it just happened.

I suppose the circumstances were right. Even though The Ex and I were working on working things out, deep down inside I hated him for putting me through everything he had. It was our roughest year yet, and I was quite sure The Ex was fucking whomever he wanted to as well. For the most part, we were just keeping up appearances for our family, because they were convinced that they would still get their wedding.

I do have regret for the way I handled the situation. I know I should have dealt with it like a mature adult, whatever that means. All I can say is, I never intended on having an affair; but sometimes when you’re in a relationship, you meet someone else who fills voids that your existing relationship just doesn’t fill. Or maybe you meet someone who brings escape from the problems of your existing relationship. Or maybe you just meet someone who throws you for a loop, blows your socks off, and intrigues you like you never expected.

If at first Christian’s undivulge-able absences made my palms sweat, they soon turned into a type of foreplay, which only made my fascination for him grow. He would write me these e-mails…about what he was doing, and what he wanted to do with me—even to me sometimes—and it was all very provocative. And when he was here, I would escape to his house for a long game of chess over a bottle of wine, giving him a place to rest his head and me a moment to find……whatever it was that I was looking for.

I loved The Ex, but we’d had a dysfunctional relationship from the very beginning. One day we would be madly in love; the next day we would be screaming at each other. Our brief engagement was just another piece of evidence that we probably didn’t have what it took to make things work long-term.

Christian and I didn’t have those problems. Of course, Christian and I also didn’t see each other on a regular basis, so we never had to face the daily grind of a real courtship. It was more idealistic—an unfair comparison, I know, to my in-the-trenches life with The Ex. But at the time, Christian was…my peace in times of war. He made me feel good when The Ex made me feel smaller than a speck of dirt. Christian put a smile on my face when I didn’t think I could smile again. Christian Knight became the knight in shining armor that I’d always thought The Ex should be.

I fantasized that one day, when he returned from one of his covert missions, Christian would show up on my doorstep and tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever, giving me the reason I needed to break up with The Ex for good. He would take me away from everything that made me despair, whisk me away to his kingdom that I knew so little about—except that it was far, far away—and we would live happily ever after. But that never happened. My relationship with Christian was as much a fantasy in my mind as it was in reality. He was an enigma, and I feared our association would forever keep itself in this one dimension. So after a year, I put an end to it.

It was an end though, without an official ending. I just stopped responding to his phone calls and e-mails, and he eventually stopped calling and writing. But every now and then I would catch myself thinking about Christian Knight, still wishing he would rescue me.

-Sex, Life, & Hannah, chapter 19

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Dorota Skrzypek Photo

ABOUT DOROTA SKRZYPEK

Dorota Skrzypek was born in Poland, grew-up in Canada, and moved to Southern California in 1997. After many years of flying airplanes, designing airports, and dating a swarm of eligible bachelors, she decided to focus on writing fiction. Sex, Life, & Hannah is Dorota’s juicy woman-on-top book series chronicling the exploits of Hannah, a female professional trying desperately to make sense of the L.A. single life. Through broken hearts, broken dreams, and nearly-broken bed frames (yes—there is a lot of sex), Hannah grapples with the modern late-twenty-something’s conundrum: Does the fairytale life exist, and is it worth having? You can find all three books in the Sex, Life, & Hannah series on Amazon (www.amazon.com) and atwww.sexlifeandhannah.com.

The Book Release Party for Sex, Life and Hannah, Summer Season will be held at Book Soup in Los Angeles on Friday, July 20th at 7PM (http://www.sexlifeandhannah.com/summer-season-book-launch/).

MORE WAYS TO FIND DOROTA

Website: www.sexlifeandhannah.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/sexlifehannah @sexlifehannah

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexLifeandHannah

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman… and You Should be Too

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Ms. Cheevious Note: This week, I’m thrilled to welcome Marrie Lobel as one of our guest-contributors.  Her blog, Dirty in Public, happens to be one of my personal favorites. Her provocative, articulate posts range from true-life stories and the lessons learned, to tips for how to behave (or not) in “special” situations. She’s our Bomb-a-licious contributor (she is, after all, The BOMB). Here, she’s graced us with her take on all the wonderful things that make women, well, fabulously female.

You all know what to do: Read, enjoy, “Share” (hit the share button and post it everywhere) and Tweet to your heart’s content about this little piece. Let’s show her some love.

xoxo

Ms. Cheevious
, Editor in (Mis) Chief

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Why I’m Glad I’m a Woman… and you should be too

I’m so glad I’m a woman. By saying this I am not bashing all you fabulous men. I’m fairly confident I could write an equally flattering post on how wonderful it is to be a man; however I’m not one. With all the drama, back-stabbing, cackling, and gossiping associated with the female of our species there are still some pretty marvelous things about being a chick. Rather than dwelling on all the negatives, I thought it would be fun to take note and celebrate all the glorious reasons why I’m glad to be a woman…and why other women should be too.

I Have Boobs: They’re fabulous, fun, and breathtaking. I can prop them up or dress them down but no matter what, they’re always a lovely accessory. Size doesn’t even particular matter…men are just pleased as punch to have the opportunity to be face-to-face with these mystical feminine lumps.

I Can Procreate: I admit that having children can be a pain in the…well…neck; however, I’m still in awe at the experience of having grown a child inside of me. It’s common but no less incredible. The bond I felt while nurturing my daughter has to be one of the most extraordinary experience I have had or ever will have. I know some women feel it to be a curse but for me it’s the best part of being a woman; labor and all.

I Get to Be Emotional: I am free to cry and have insecurities. I get to experience and enjoy my moods unabashedly. I get to indulge my weakness and celebrate my strengths in full glory for all to see. Women are known as emotional creatures…and that’s fine by me!

I Get to Wear Make-Up: Nature isn’t always kind, that’s why I thank my maker and Lancome for make-up! Got a blemish? No, worries, I have concealer. Looking pale? Bronzer to the rescue. Putting my best face forward and dolling myself up makes me feel confident on the inside because I know I look good on the outside. As superficial as it may sound, sometimes it’s the little things like pretty lipgloss that can get you through the day with a smile on your face.

I Don’t Have a Penis: Elaine from Seinfeld said it best, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.” TRUE DAT! Shrinkage, spontaneous erections, and constant shifting…my god, it’s a virtual circus in their pants at all times. No wonder men are known for thinking with their unit, so much of men’s metal energy is devoted to his penis’ well-being their mind might as well stay there!

I Get to Have a Job I Enjoy: Yeah, I know, women make less for the same jobs and her odds of promotion depend on how well connected her male counterparts may be. But hey, let’s face it; women are happier with their career choices and experience less pressure to uphold the family name or bring in the big bucks as many men feel. Women also have more job security {women have weathered the recession better than men} and keep their positions longer. For me enjoying what I do is more important than how much money is in the bank. Because I’m a woman, I’m free to pursue my interests independent of expectations.

I Have Feminine Charm: Just as the size of your boobs doesn’t really matter for most, neither does your dress size. Women have a power all their own; if a woman feels sexy and owns her sexuality her body shape is of little importance. I love that through the power of desire, I can bring the strongest man to his knees if I put my mind to it {for good reason}. I love owning my sexuality and empowered by the energy of my sensuality. Women may be the fairer sex, but that doesn’t mean we are all Snow White!

I Have Female Intuition: Personal experience has taught me that I have an instinctive understanding about life, love, and the dynamics of personal relationships. I tend to be the glue that holds my family together and the rock that supports in times of great need or sorrow. Like many women, I can hear what is not being said and understand why. Women are shrewd family negotiators and insightful mediators to friends. Women are intuitive about the complexities of personal situations and respond, well, tactfully.

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ABOUT MARRIE LOBEL

Marrie is a Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating, sex & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants. You can read more on her personal blog, Dirty In Public and on Singles Warehouse where she is an #SWEXPERT contributor.

MORE WAYS TO FIND MARRIE

Website: www.DirtyInPublic.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/DirtyInPublic @DirtyInPublic

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DirtyInPublic

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Half-Naked Dance Party

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Boys and girls, Ms. Cheevious will be off galavanting around the world for the next several weeks. I’m sorry, I just don’t have time for the blog right now. It happens.  But I’ll be sure to post some fabulous pics from the road. To top it off, while I am  jet setting to Paris and Athens, my alter-ego Lisa Jey Davis is stuck at home in Southern California, but she is under the gun to actually FINISH the book she’s been laboring over.

In light of this, all my split personalities and I have asked a few select, and talented bloggers/writers we know to step in and write some guest posts.

First up: A lovely, talented dating and relationship blogger we love, According to Jewels. Sit back and ENJOY people!

xoxo Ms. Cheevious

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Anyone who follows me on Twitter (@According2Jewls) has no doubt seen my weekend tweets about my half-naked dance parties.

Half-Naked Dance Party

This is not mere titillation meant to gain more followers, though if it happens, I’m fine with that.

I actually enjoy a half-naked solo dance party on a regular basis. Think I’m crazy?  I beg to differ.  It is a ton of fun.

It is exactly what it sounds like. I strip down to my bra and panties (sexy, lacy ones of course) and pump up the music. This is typically accompanied by a glass of wine or two and a lot of laughing. My “Dance Party” playlist goes on shuffle and then it’s fun-and-games time. Those people who dance in their car while singing at the top of their lungs… yeah, I’m one of them. They (like me) don’t mind if someone sees them being silly. They know you can see them. They just don’t care.

Well, my dance party is a more private version of this.

There are times when this is my main event of the night: There’s no going out, and no real reason for said party, other than wanting to let lose. Those nights I may even slip into some sexy sleepwear and write between dance breaks. I’m typically writing posts for my adult blog during this time, and that side of Jewels loves her sexy time. What better way to get in the mood for writing about “adult topics” than to turn on some sultry tunes and slink my way around the room working my hips like a want to be Shakira? You write sexy when you feel sexy and I love doing both of those things.

Then there are times where my Half-Naked Dance Party (HNDP) is just the warm up for a night out. That is when I get a little crazy and do my ‘pump-up-the-volume’ or ‘pre-game’ rally to get ready for the night. Imagine me, glass of wine in hand, music turned up, throwing items around my closet, and searching through a mountain of shoes for the missing mate to my favorite pair of ‘goes with everything, super comfy’ heals. I will be singing along to “It Takes Two” by the infamous Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock while I apply eye shadow, liner, and mascara… finishing off with a shiny nude gloss. I promise that at some point the urge to truly dance (again) will overcome me and I’ll do that annoying “OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS SONG,” drop my mascara wand and dance madly in my room alone. Yes, totally alone (I’m known to both talk to myself and dance totally alone).

The nights when my HNDP is that warm-up before going out, I always arrive at my destination feeling sexier and on top of the world. I just carry myself differently. I am fun, flirty, and a more fabulous version of myself.

On the nights when I simply stay in and write after a HNDP, you can believe I produce some seriously steamy, sexually driven, confident, powerful pieces those nights.

The important part is that I’m singing, dancing, smiling and happy the whole time. I’m enjoying myself and more importantly I’m enjoying being in my body. As somebody who hasn’t always been comfortable in my own skin, this is huge for me. When you haven’t always loved your body it’s amazing to embrace it, flaws and all, and feel sexy doing so. Half-Naked Dance Parties started out as a practice in learning to love my body, but now, well now they are just a crap ton of fun! 😉

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About our Guest: According to Jewels
According to Jewels is a writer/blogger who tackles topics ranging from relationships, sex, and dating, to being brutally honest in life and raising the bar on people’s behavior. Drawing from her own life experience and profiting from the dating/relationship drama of friends, she calls women/men out on their ridiculous behavior, sheds light on love/sex misconceptions, and entertains in the process. Read her two blogs at AccordingToJewels.com and Naughty-Nothings.net (an adult blog).  She can be reached at AccordingtoJewels@yahoo.com.

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Get on down here to post your questions and comments people! Let’s show Ms. Jewels your Ms. Cheevious support!

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious


10 Things Girls Secretly Wish About Guys

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I received some interesting comments in response to my article “10 Things Guys Secretly Wish About Women” here on my site, on Facebook and via personal emails.

It was a fun post to write. I really wanted to explore the subject because I feel as though women tend to believe (and promote) ridiculous notions about themselves. It is tiring and embarrassing being held accountable by men for ideas floating around (which sound good initially, but end up falling flat) like ‘women should “become” successful or fashionable or fit, because that is what a man wants’, or even worse, that certain behaviors are okay because we are – well, female – for goddsakes. Not true. Clinginess or nagging is unattractive no matter what sex organs you possess. Yes, there are certain things we can do to rock our partner’s world. The article definitely addressed some of those things (like supporting their passions, even if it involves watching, listening or sacrificing our date night to sports almost every day of the week). Reminder. It wasn’t a list of MUSTS – just what guys secretly wish. Likewise, this is not a MUST-DO list for guys. Guys can take it or leave it with no judgment whatsoever. They may never get lucky again, but hey – it’s their prerogative.

In all fairness, however, women deserve equal time.  I covered things for the guys, so by-god my girls and I get our day in Ms. Cheevious-land too.  Plus, some of you wrote and asked me to do it.

One of the things that crossed my mind when I decided to write about this was “are you friggin’ KIDDING? Women? The list could be endless!”

I admit I think we are a little whacky and our wishes about guys are all over the map.  With men, whittling it down to ten things seemed pretty easy – and I probably covered it pretty thoroughly. They’re pretty simple human beings.  Food, sex, laughs, eye candy and activities they enjoy (reading, athletic, channel surfing – choose the poison) are probably about it for them. Not so for women.  A quick Google search of the things women wish about guys delivered 579 million results.  That’s the actual number people.  One such result was a Facebook page dedicated to the 257 Things a Girl Wished a Guy Knew.  Wow. I wouldn’t want to be a guy.

If you haven’t noticed yet, WE’RE VERY DIFFERENT.

Female_Male_SymbolsThere are some really important differences between men and women (aside from the obvious) that make it truly impossible for me to list ALL the things women wish about men in this article.

EMOTIONS. We women are complex creatures who are not only willing to allow emotions a place of prominence in our decision making processes, we are  hardwired to do so (hormones, cycles, etc). Most men (not all, of course) are simple individuals (see above).  They know what they want and need, and they try to make that happen.  Simple.

BRAINS. Women think differently than men. We access our left and right brains simultaneously. Men use one side at a time. This benefits us often (we’re amazing multi-taskers), but it can backfire as well.  If, for instance, we are compelled by logic (left brain) NOT to text or call the guy — AGAIN — often (at the very same time) the right brain in all its creativity and imagination (fueled by those ooey-gooey, yummy emotions) offers up just as compelling an argument to do so, i.e. ‘but I really like him.. and…[imagining] wouldn’t we make such a cute couple? If I show him how cute I am, he’s bound to see how cute we would be together. I’ll text him this cute picture right now…”

BODIES. Our bodies are different, and have different needs. We possess extremely complex, multi-layered va-jay-jays (and our not-so-complex, but equally tantalizing ta-tas). Men have some pretty basic elements to their physiques – a penis and its – ehem – cohorts.  Once you’ve explored every nook and cranny, there AIN’T much else to discover.  But no one knows or holds the keys to the kingdom when it comes to every undiscovered secret of the great female organ. Not even the woman possessing it. So then, why would anyone expect that from any man (who simply wants food, sex, laughs and enjoyable activities)?

I could go on, but I think you get my point.

Still, in the name of equality, and in an effort to be just as thorough for my girls, I’m diving in.  LORD help me.

1. TREAT ME SPECIAL NO MATTER WHO IS AROUND (DON’T TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY WHEN YOU”RE AROUND YOUR FRIENDS). That’s just weak.  Be good to me.  Period. Not too difficult. Don’t disrespect me. If you need guy time, I get it. Just don’t treat me like one of your locker room buddies when they are around (insults, jabs and wise-cracks about bodily functions included) and expect me to crawl all over you later that evening.

2. DON’T BE A JEALOUS  OR POSSESSIVE NANCY. That’s even weaker.  Be confident in yourself and in our relationship, no matter how gorgeous you think I am (and thank you, by the way, but it’s not a threat to you), or how scandalous and untrustworthy other guys may be.

3. DON’T BE A SLOBBOVIAN WHEN YOU GROOM YOURSELF. You did NOT just clip your nose hairs and leave it in the sink, did you?  Puh-leeez.  I am not your maid, or your mom.  I love seeing you when you’re well groomed (translation: when you look and smell clean and are the HOT guy I am attracted to).  I don’t want to know (or see or smell) how it happened, especially when it’s etched into the grout.

4. IF YOU ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WE WILL LOVE YOU MORE. You might even get a little extra somethin’ somethin’. This one requires no further explanation. Just ask, for goddsakes.

5. SUPPORT MY PASSIONS. Just as I watch and try to enjoy – or fake it  –  your sports, your dune buggies, motorcycles, model airplanes, etc… at least on occasion, I want you to do the same for my shows, my occasional trip to the mall, antiquing…. even daisy picking.    Yep…once more… with feeling.  The “Real Housewives,” “The Bachelor,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Revenge,” are all now part of the deal. And those daisies won’t pick themselves. But seriously men, if we agree to extend each other a hall pass for such activities, well, at least smile and act excited for us as we head out the door to our next chick flick.  When we see you next, maybe even ask about it, and try to act interested.  Don’t let your eyes glaze over.  Hopefully in return we’ll do the same while you’re on your way to hang out with the guys at the Sports Bar all day on a Sunday, or when you launch into a ten minute diatribe on the NFL draft and the doom of the first-round draft pick’s career.

Shopping is done

6. CELEBRATE MY SUCCESSES WITH ME. Don’t be threatened, even if you are out of work. My good fortune is your good fortune.  We’re a team.  If that means you are on Windex or Pledge duty, well, I’ll cheer you on too.  I’ll be that support you need, but don’t ruin things by handling my good fortune badly.

 

7. CUDDLE AND TOUCH ME MORE. I’m not saying it has to be all the time.  But geez, how about once in a while?  Maybe after a hard day, while we watch TV, anytime the time is right… caress my cheek… stroke my hair… squeeze my arm gently… hug me…  put your hand on my leg when we sit next to each other…  Once in a while will do.  Just do it.

 

8. MS. VA-JAY-JAY LIKES “SPECIAL” ATTENTION AS MUCH OR MORE THAN MR. WINKY. Because I am built so that you can please me in a multiplicity of ways, I don’t complain when I don’t get that specific attention.  Just don’t make it rare or never.  NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not only that, sometimes we actually want, or NEED to have that full-throttle orgasm that just won’t happen by the traditional means.  You may have to get creative yourself Mister.

9. SURPRISE ME. Let me know you are thinking of me when I’m not around. Buy me some flowers or do something as a token of your affection… at work or at home… in a restaurant — For no apparent reason.

Whistle While You Mop

10. BE MY MAN. And all that entails.  Chivalry is not dead, and contrary to popular belief – I still like it. I am strong, intelligent, independent and an incredible success story in my own right. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armor, necessarily, but if you want to walk on the street side of the sidewalk, and open the door for me, I won’t mind.  I would also greatly appreciate and probably become your love slave, should you find occasion to defend my honor, and do so.  I’m just sayin’.  I don’t need a man to rescue me, but I do appreciate him showing that he can, that he cares  and that he is willing, should he see the opportunity.

So there you have it. I did say there was no way on EARTH to cover everything, didn’t I?

Check in next time for something frivolous and delicious.  I’ll be over here conjuring it up…

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

WATCH the related video: http://youtu.be/V_eCt04xKak

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Don’t Be Shy! Leave A Reply!

Register to receive my blog posts via email on the Ms. Cheevious Home page. Be sure to confirm when you receive your verification email!

BECOME ONE OF MY MANY FOLLOWERS (MWAH HA HA HA) IN ALL OF THESE GREAT PLACES:

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You can also follow my man M.C. Nugget on Twitter, and NOW on his Facebook Page!

All Blog content copyright 2012, LISA JEY DAVIS aka Ms. Cheevious

Silly Fights, Independence and a Damn Sandwich

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Liz writes for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site and dating advice blog.

Hang out with them on Twitter, Facebook or Google+!

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My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight at Subway the other day. Just writing that sentence annoys me on so many different levels. 1) I don’t even like Subway and we just stopped in because he was getting hungry and 2) I don’t want to be a couple who fights (in public!) about a damn sandwich. Like literally-this isn’t a deep metaphor here people-we were sharing a footlong and he wanted cheese, I didn’t…quite the controversy that resulted in me crying in the car on the way home.

Not my brightest moment.

Because I over analyze everything like it’s my job, I kept thinking about World War Subway well after we had kissed, boned and made-up. While some fights are just silly and insignificant, and aren’t worth a second thought, I had a stinking suspicion that there was more to the story than a piece of cheese. I was right.

I am madly in love with my boyfriend. I won’t bore you, but he’s fucking fantastic. I knew he was the one the moment I laid eyes on him on our first online date, and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve traveled the world together and are in the process of buying our first home. We’re a team…a unit. If we were super lame, we’d have a “couple” name, ala “Bennifer.” You can’t have one without the other, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve always been fiercely independent though. Growing up as a twin, I had to fight everyday to set myself apart from my (fabulous) sister. I didn’t like being bound together, identity wise, with someone else. I wanted to stand on my own two feet and be my own person. That fighting spirit, and fear of losing my identity has stayed with me into adulthood.

Being in a long term, serious relationship has shifted my identity and admittedly, I was having a difficult time shifting my mindset along with it. In the days and weeks leading up to the fight, I knew I was feeling like I was losing myself, just a bit, and a part of me was hanging on tight, kicking and screaming to my independence. So as silly as it is, when my boyfriend ordered one sandwich for us to share, I freaked out.

“What about MY needs and wants?”
“What if I want my OWN?”
“What if for once, I just don’t want to share?”

Crickets…I told you it wasn’t my brightest moment. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend thought he was being Punk’d.

The thing is though, had the fight not happened, I’d be typing this blog post from an entirely different place. I’d probably still be clinging to my independence in the wrong ways, and building up resentment towards a guy who has made it his life’s mission to make me happy. Instead, because it was so unlike me to fly off the handle like that, I’ve been able to do a bit of self reflection and am now able to nurture those independent parts of me that make me, me. I’ve been able to put my big girl pants on and communicate to my boyfriend how I feel like my own personal spark is being a bit stifled, and together, we are working on finding ways to light it back up again.

Yes. Together. Because at the end of the day, subway freak-outs or not, I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t need anyone. I don’t want to be so married to my independence that I won’t let someone share my life. Or my sandwich.

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That’s it my lovelies!  Do us all a favor would you?  Welcome Ms. Liz to the fold, and post lots and lots of comments telling her how wonderful she is!  Stay tuned next week for a post about something very juicy (that burger image made me hungry – rawrrr).

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmmphhhhuuuhhhh!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

10 Things Guys Secretly Wish About Women

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Awww.  Men.  Try as they may to figure out the feminine psyche, they just can’t seem to pull it together.

But hey, women are no Einsteins when it comes to figuring men out either.  That’s why books of the Mars and Venus persuasion are such top sellers.  We spend millions trying to get inside the minds and hearts of the opposite sex.

Women especially do some serious spending on the subject.  But you’re in luck ladies.  You can stop spending those millions right now because I’ve spelled out for you below what guys really think – and what they wish about women. (I’ll get to what women secretly wish about guys soon, don’t you men worry).

Remember, these below are what I believe most guys truly think – if they’re being honest.  My thoughts on each are included, as well as how I interpret the “guy’s perspective.” Also- many of you will note, these are not such “SECRET” wishes. Yes, guys have been verbal about most of these things for eons.  Some of this is pretty damn deep, and may actually cause you to question your own intentions in your life and relationships, but that’s what I’m here for. Dr. Ms. Cheevious. Now, let’s dive in.

1. DON’T BE A CLING-MEISTER.

Women who are clingy should get a life.  Confidence, intelligence, and spending time with friends – apart from a significant other  – is just plain sexy, and those traits make people more interesting anyway. If you want to lose a guy – and fast – sit around moping until he comes home, let him know how much you missed him while he was gone for an hour, and beg to come with him each time he wants to go out with the guys for a beer (be sure to whine and let your eyes well up).

2. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.

Ladies, tell your guy what you think!  Especially if he hurt your feelings, or did something to upset you! And not a distilled, filtered, purified version that you “believe” he can handle. None of us are experts on what he or anyone else can handle from us… And well – DUH – he is not a mind reader, for goddsakes. Be transparent, authentic and REAL. Misrepresenting your true self and feelings, or expecting him to figure it out will DEFINITELY backfire.

3. JEALOUS WOMEN ARE NUT JOBS.

Jealousy

“Jealous?  Me? No. Those hot women fawning over him are awesome.  They remind me of how hot he is, and he’s all mine. Uh – huh.  Awesome.” Basically, if you are not secure in your own beauty (inward and outward), and in how he truly feels for you, then what are you doing with the guy? Clarification: I am not condoning smarmy, flirtatious behavior on the part of your guy that is either an obvious ploy to *create* jealousy in you, or just proves how ridiculously ICKY he is (in which case, what are you doing with the guy)?  No, this is all about the fact that being with a man who is attractive to women, but knows to put respect for you first, and to put the attention from other hotties in its place, should be something to be proud of. Enough said.

4. FEMALE SPORTS LOVERS ROCK. (in most cases, for many men)

Image from: http://lineaday.blogspot.com/2011/05/when-you-grow-up-fantasizing-about-pro.html

Example: this football (golf, soccer, fill-in-the-blank) thing on Sundays, Mondays, Thursdays (or any day, really) is so much fun!  Did someone say football pool?  Seriously, not all men actually want their woman around for every Monday Night Football, or (insert any other sport). Guys like to hang out with the guys sometimes as well.  The point is, some men (I’ll admit, not all are sports fanatics) wish women were supportive of their need for sports (or whatever their passion), even if sometimes their “need” seems to extend into many other areas of life.  If it’s a passion of theirs, they want freedom to pursue it, watch it and enjoy it.  If you’re happy to join in sometimes, all the better.  If it is getting in the way of your happiness, then you either need to take a look at whether your demands for attention are balanced, or perhaps you should look for a guy who likes to read books or something (not that there is anything wrong with that).

5. WE HATE NAGGIE-STILTSKINS.

Image from: http://joanne-helpinghands.blogspot.com/2010/03/confessions-of-nagging-wife.html

I so agree with this, ladies.  My take?  If I asked him once… let’s say, to take out the trash (to be stereotypical), or… not to park on the left side of the driveway… and he didn’t (or did) do it, there must be an excellent reason. Don’t nag – COMMUNICATE.  Find a unique and non-threatening way to broach the subject, but do not — REPEAT:  DO NOT bring it up AS. IT. IS. OCCURING… or while you are upset about it. HOLD (AND BITE) YOUR TONGUE. Shelve it for a few hours, or days without stewing over it. Make a mental note and think about a good way to approach it.  Ask a good friend or mentor for advice if you must, but be careful to choose someone you know to be impartial and fair. Then, only when you are confident that you can bring it up without stress, talk about it! And, if you happen to be with a lame-duck kinda guy who always forgets that you asked him to not do something (or vice versa), well it may be time to trade up.  Just sayin’.  Do you really LIKE being a nag?

6. DON’T BE A BAT-SHIT CRAZY STALKER.

VLUU L200 / Samsung L200

 

Stalker girlfriends, once discovered, are dumped pretty damn fast. Plus – if you’re resorting to stalking him, there is not only trouble in paradise, my dear, but also in your head. And not to be confused with cling-meister behavior, which is done in the open, or jealousy, which is a feeling based in insecurity, stalking is general done covertly and in secret. Don’t tell him you’re going out with friends only to spy on him in disguise while he’s out with the guys. Don’t go through his drawers or his cell phone. Do NOT hack his email. Just don’t. Not because of what you may find (though you’ll deal with that soon enough – and then some), but because it’s a clear sign you are in need of some psychiatric help, or at minimum, a life. Learn to trust him, yourself… everyone, because I am guessing if you are resorting to these things, there are some serious issues to deal with here.  Get help.

7. BE WHO YOU ARE. DON’T CHANGE FOR ME.

It takes courage! Be who you are. 100%
 

Though he can’t figure out what you’re thinking, most guys get a sixth sense when a woman is faking enthusiasm over his poker night or if she is just trying too hard.  Besides, that act can only last so long before it all falls apart. If you saw “Runaway Bride” with Julia Roberts, you know what I’m talking about. Under the guise of being “open to try new things” her character “tried” things she KNEW she didn’t like, at the sacrifice of her own happiness. BE WHO YOU ARE. Stick to your guns. Guys respect their woman for her tastes and preferences, and for bringing something unique to the table.

This one is explicit – PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

8. BE SEXUALLY CREATIVE.

Image from: http://mootee.typepad.com/innovation_playground/

Missionary position again? Can we please experiment some?  Trust me on this one… it is not only a guy complaint.  But girls – ya gotta be willing to try new things and have some fun with it.  Bring toys (and I don’t mean your favorite stuffed teddy bear from kindergarten, unless you have something kinky going on there), body oils, sexy photos, porn – whatever.  Be the first on occasion to suggest a trip to the local bikini bar to spice things up if that is your thing (note: I didn’t say if that is “his” thing, because if it is not your thing, you’re not BEING WHO YOU ARE #7).  Whatever you do, just change things up now and then. Also, I would be remiss to omit this one, because it is true:  guys wish their gal absolutely loved giving him blow jobs. There. I said what everyone knows, but hates to say out loud. GUYS WANT HEAD – REGULARLY ladies. The KITTEN is now out of the bag. This is a guy’s DREAM COME TRUE. If it’s not your thing, this is the one place I may even go so far as to say “FAKE IT” HA! That, or find a way to enjoy giving them. Chocolate, anyone? Unless, of course you find the one guy who can’t handle blow jobs, then you’re in luck.

9. BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN.

Image from: http://glasshalffuller.blogspot.com/2010/05/what-superbowl-ads.html

One of the biggest turn-ons for most guys is for a woman to walk around in front of them naked and unashamed.  I don’t mean “parading” yourself in front of him (although I’m sure most guys would love that as well). I’m speaking of every-day life here. When you’ve just had sex, don’t grab the blanket to cover you up while you run off to get dressed in private. It may be a cute stunt once, but if you’re hoping for longevity, you’re going to have to progress here. If this is not your thing, you may want to ask yourself “WHY?” What are you ashamed of? What embarrasses you about how you look? Just remember that negative opinions and feelings are contagious.  Be careful what you project to your guy (and others) about yourself. Remember guys are visual, so they will notice and love if you are unencumbered, but definitely if you make this into a big deal.

More important however, is to love yourself AS.YOU.ARE. Focus on the good things.  But if you don’t like your tummy rolls and you can change it – then do. PERIOD. Which leads me to another aspect of being comfortable in your own skin: Guys love a girl who takes care of herself, physically, medically, and aesthetically. You are lovely. So prove it! Then, birthday suit aside, whatever you decide to wear (in the clothing department), choose wisely. Wear what you love – what makes you feel good, and what you love being in. Otherwise, to a guy, why would you be wearing it? Also, this is an addendum to being creative sexually, but maybe it’s time to get to the closest lingerie shop and find something that looks and FEELS FABULOUS? Just remember – back to #1 (and a constant thread throughout) – Confidence is a SEXY trait. A little bit of whimsy doesn’t hurt either.

10. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.

Image from: http://www.mryantaylor.com/2010/10/the-spice-of-life-part-i-loving-more-to-live-more/

Ahhh.  This is a HUGE subject. Oh yes, you have heard it talked about before, but you’re going to hear it here, in Ms. Cheevious-ese (?)…  I’ve not yet addressed what many women consider unspeakable – the issue of boredom, and some of the known ways of combating it (or not) in relationships. We’ve all heard of people trying threesomes, hall-passes, and more to stave off “boredom” with a long-term partner.  Are they necessary?  Do they work?  That’s between you and your man.  I will say this:  Let’s face it.  The idea of waking up to the same person, the same body, the same skin, with all the flaws out there in the open day after day – well it at minimum can be intimidating and daunting. It’s not that your man has to have those threesomes or hall passes, or any of the things you’ve heard of (maybe even practiced). Hell no. Every person, and every relationship is completely different.

But it’s important to talk about how are you defining “boredom.”  I personally believe many men are truly not built for monogamy, and love to explore other “grass,” whether it’s greener over there or not. They’re just hard-wired to need their freedom to explore. I won’t get into that psyche, because it simply cannot be hashed out in a single article (or even a book)!  Plus, whether you choose to accept that in your relationship (the hall passes or threesomes, whatever) is – again – between you and your man. But if you are talking about “boredom” in the sense of “tired of” or “weary” then there are some other things going on there, and sometimes people confuse that for the need for “other” or “greener” grass.

When a man grows weary or tired in a relationship it’s generally because the relationship has become all work and no play – all the time. If he is constantly surrounded by the same-ole, getting-stale you, it may cause him to wonder more about what else might be out there. And wonder breeds wander. I’m not telling you to change who you are or that you are old or stale. I’m saying a guy can handle the same you day in and day out a whole lot easier, if he isn’t expected to endure all of your stresses, depressions, worries, fears, hangups (emotional and physical) without also enjoying the equally yummy (confident, non-clingy, non-naggy, sexually creative, etc..) you he came to know and love. Our guys are there to support us through the stresses (or they should be), but they are also hoping we’ll get through it all and get back to enjoying life.

And this my girls is the GRANDADDY of all philosophies right here, and my own personal mantra: ENJOY EVERY MOMENT.  If life is hard, reach out, get help, work through things, and MOVE THE F*CK ON. We all go through rough patches when we aren’t so pleasant to be around. Just don’t let the rough patches keep you from being beautiful inside AND out for long (clinical depression or similar conditions not included).

Before I finish this point, let me close with saying that none of this is bullet proof protection against a guy (or woman, for that matter) fantasizing about threesomes, or your being treated badly or getting dumped. If you are not going through a rough patch, you both laugh and truly enjoy each other’s company and the sex is phenomenal, yet he still wants the hall pass or otherwise, and you’re not into it – well then that may be a deal breaker and he is probably not the guy for you. Or, if you are in a relationship with a selfish, narcissistic, chauvinistic, rude, mean or abusive person, no amount of “work” or “growth” on your part will make things better, and you should dump his ass and MOVE THE F*CK ON.

Men are not generally visceral beings.  As a matter of fact, I find it rare for a man to emote or use intuition much at all when he experiences something with a brand new love interest.  No.  That’s a female thing.

Do you think most men sit around after a fantastic evening with a beautiful lady they’ve just met (maybe there was some kissing or something sexual), and draw conclusions about what she is thinking, or wonder if she’s going to call?  Do you think he romanticizes having kids with you and shopping for a new home?  Nope.  He enjoyed himself physically… probably visually and socially, but the serious or real emotions take a long while for guys.  They have to be in a situation with someone for a long time before they start allowing those emotions into their life.

And girls – guys’ “long” times are so much longer than ours.  Many females think they know if they want to be in a relationship with a guy after only a few dates.  Be honest. How many times did you take it all the way to the thought of “you” sharing his last name, after only a couple of months?  Most times McDreamy or McSteamy never has the chance to catch up emotionally or intuitively, before women start changing who they are, following him around, trying to lure him away from his sports or other passions, clinging to his every move, thus chasing him away.  Let’s give the good guys a break here and focus the work on ourselves, shall we?

Fini! Done! Moving on!

Stay tuned next week for a guest post extra from a fantastic fellow blogger, Liz at www.welovedates.com!  She’ll be talking about how her independence gets in the way and can cause some silly fights. Until next time my lovelies!

Love you people!!!!!!! Mmmmphhhhuuuhhhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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