Relationships

Just Call Me The Relationship Whisperer

June 23, 2013 by MsCheevious

That’s me. The Relationship Whisperer… Well, more like the Relationship “Hit-em-over-the-head” er.

But everyone needs their own personal relationship whisperer, to help stop them from committing the cRaZIeS every now and then.

If you are a single lady, or know any, hang out with me here for a bit, and I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.

Allow me to share a little example of my Relationship Whispering at work, to prove what a STUD I am, before you pass judgement. After said example I’ll share some beautiful jewels of ageless wisdom.

A friend of mine, Glitter Nails, is in the early stages of a “situation” with a guy she actually likes more than her new manicure (the manicure with glitter and little cartoon characters on alternating nails).

We texted about her situation, because she felt her guy “Cutie” was acting “different” or distancing himself the night before. We spoke on the phone at first… but then I was telling M.C. Nugget about it, and he reminded me of some great points… So, here is my text conversation with Glitter Nails below:

Know why she simply replied “Thank you!”? Because I’m right! Damn straight! But keep reading. The inspiration continues … also there is a typo a little ways down… but just keep reading…

Just so you know, the part above that says “totally secure and. Oil okay with that” is suppose to say “totally secure and totally okay with that“. My iPhone and I are at the intersection of Love and Hate right now… It’s a bit of a crossroads where I keep trying to figure out how not to throw it out the window, and it keeps trying to learn not to misspell, but fails constantly.

A sure sign of any “whisperer” of sorts, is when the subject begins to feel empowered and capable of doing what’s necessary. Glitter had the right idea there when she said “Just going to leave it alone.” So, of course I continued…

Her response was simply “Thank you – you are right.”

I rest my case.

Now listen up ladies (and gents, if you happen to know someone to share this with). I’m about to unleash some nuggets that could change your life. I’m not kidding.

To sum up this and a myriad of other dating situations between men and women, here is how you ladies should behave if you want to attract the best friend who is worthy of being in your life:

1) Maintain your awesome, fun, incredible life regardless of how much a guy wants to see you – even at the beginning. If you get sucked into a day and night, constant phone calls and texting situation, it’s okay. Just remember and continue to remind yourself that this is only preliminary and temporary… He WILL move on from this at some point. He ALWAYS does.

2) Until you are actually IN a REAL relationship, and you’ve had the conversation about dating exclusively… well, let’s face it. It’s anything but exclusive, so all bets are off baby. Keep your dating card open and scheduled, even if it’s with guys you don’t necessarily want to date long term. Keep yourself BUSY and distracted. If you do, it will help you with so much more than you can imagine, and if you don’t, you’ll be in danger of pining, thinking, wishing and wondering during your idle time. And for what? Remember… You are AWESOME & INCREDIBLE… which brings me to #3:

3) Keep reminding yourself of your sky high value – your awesomeness – and of the AWESOME-SAUCE life you are building for yourself. Do NOT get stuck in the imagination rut where you picture all the other pretty girls he is probably talking to or dating.

Admit it. Every one of you single ladies, when suddenly not in touch with Mr. Lover Boy, envisions him out sailing on a yacht flanked by hot chicks, drinking and dancing the night away with a slew of other women. That, or at best, you’re taking on his martyrdom, making excuses for and enabling him to be a sad-sap because of a broken home, divorce from five years ago, or whatever… Women are too good at making allowances for a guy’s difficult life… When in reality, if you actually spent all that time and energy working on becoming the finished product you want to be, and reminding yourself of all of the incredible traits that make you beautiful – you wouldn’t have the time or inclination to imagine anything about him. Or better yet, when you do go down the road of imagining his world, you will recognize that bad habit early on, and bring it to a screeching halt.

Now, just for giggles here are some other things that will empower you on the road:

a) Don’t be the first to reach out. When you go a few days without the communication you’re accustomed to, DO NOT be the first to reach out. When he does reach out (and he will), go back to #3 above and remember how awesome you are, and think about your cool, busy, mover-and-shaker life (or of how it will one day be that way, because of the YOU you’re developing now). Then, don’t answer his call right away. LET him leave a voicemail. If he doesn’t leave one, LET IT GO. Don’t call back from a missed call right away. Don’t text him back. Make him wait.

This is not a game with him… I SWEAR.TO.GOD he isn’t even thinking about “it.” You can call it a game you have to play with yourself if you want – but it’s really just a new discipline you are practicing for YOU. You’ll need to do this until you learn to respect yourself too much to be willing to JUMP at the slightest hint of attention from Mr. Lover Boy. Don’t respond for at least four hours the first time, and try to work up to a day or two. Even if he called and didn’t leave a message. It was probably a pocket dial anyway. Sorry, I’m merely whispering the truth here.

b) You are a happy, welcome breeze to him. When you do call or text him back, keep it upbeat. No, I don’t mean in the 1950’s outdated, outmoded housewife sense. I mean, don’t be a friggin’ DOWNER. Do NOT use this as an opportunity to express your worry during the time he was out of touch, or to get whiny or weird, or ask him if you can get together. Remember, you’ve been so busy tending to your awesome, incredible life, and changing the world in the process, you really hadn’t even noticed that “Gee!! Has it really been since last Sunday that we spoke? No way!” Plus, you too are seeing his call or email (whatever) as a welcome breeze that came in to distract you away from your crazy empire. DO that for yourself. You’ll actually begin to believe it ladies. I promise. You won’t actually say you’ve been so busy building your empire (or business, or attending countless events, whatever). You don’t want the guy to feel less than you, while you’re learning this new discipline. You might simply say “Hey there! How are you? It’s great to hear from you!” And if in his upbeat and awesome way he says something about how he’s just been too busy to call, etc… Don’t even address it. Move on and say, “So, how’ve things been going?” Maybe follow up on a project or event he shared with you in the past.

c) Do not accept a same-day invitation. Remember: Just because he is busy, and can’t be expected to call you every moment, doesn’t mean that isn’t true for you as well. This is true even if you’ve been hoping/wishing/waiting for that call or invitation. You’ve got “things” to do. You are busy. Even if “busy” means you’re filing your nails, by god, you are BUSY, dammit. He doesn’t need to hear from you that he should plan in advance… A few “no” answers because he keeps inviting you out at the last minute will be all he needs to get a clue. If he doesn’t get it from that, either he simply IS too busy for you, and isn’t the right guy, or he’s too clueless to be worth your time. If you are doing #2 in that section above… remaining distracted while this guy gets a clue, I guarantee you that if Mr. Lover Boy isn’t all he’s cracked up to be, you’ll merely be free to notice someone who is.

You’ve just been *whispered* to people. Don’t miss the gems when they come.

Enjoy your week you gorgeous people!

Love you people!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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Happy Cinco de Nuggie aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones

May 5, 2013 by MsCheevious

Happy Cinco de Nuggie! aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones!

Today M.C. Nugget and I are celebrating his birthday. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. Every May 5th, all those who love Nuggie commune together to rejoice over his birthday… a tradition that has gone back… well…. decades.

So on this day when I’m running around like a chicken (pun intended) with my head cut off to ready the beach palace for a morning toast with friends, I’d like to remind you of a little something everyone should know about Cinco de Nuggie:

Contrary to Cinco de Nuggie’s counterpart Cinco de Mayo (only a counterpart because it is celebrated on the same day) — which commemorates the victory of the Mexican Militia over the French Army at The Battle Of Puebla, in the Franco-Mexican War of 1862… and though many confuse Cinco de Mayo to be Mexico’s Independence Day – it is not (that is on September 16th)… Cinco de Nuggie is a celebration of Independence. It commemorates the great “labor” dispute which took place in a hospital many years ago (not too many, mind you), when M.C. Nugget fought and was victorious in his Battle for In-Utero Independence. For this we all celebrate and are eternally grateful.

All kidding aside, I actually celebrate (the case could be made that I monumentalize) the birthdays… or any special days in my loved ones lives. These days in their lives are the few occasions that can stop time in my world. All work is shoved to the back burner, other commitments delayed or postponed. It’s because I love them TONS certainly, but the special days also provide me a vital creative outlet… and I mean vital as in “you better not try to take my ceremony or festive concoction away from me… I’ll cut you” vital. I think I’ve established in the first few paragraphs here just how “creative” I can be. My poor kids… think of their pain.

All that aside, Nuggie and I have a full, fun day of his design planned, actually. We’ll be toasting with friends, walking to brunch on Main Street in Santa Monica, and then carousing among the drunken strangers celebrating his rival holiday, Cinco de Mayo. He’s a team player however, so he’s donning a sombrero.

Have a beautiful day and week you lovely men and women. Remember: CELEBRATE your loved ones with fervor. They are what make our lives worth every single moment.

Love you people!!!! Mmmmmmpppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

aka Lisa Jey Davis

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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I’m Your Bridge (Over Troubled Water) Baby

March 11, 2013 by Marrie Lobel

Guest Post By Marrie Lobel

Drama, trouble, pain, heartache, stress, disappointment, and fear; the seven dwarf bastards that swoop in like thieves in the night hijacking your smiles and turning calm seas into troubled waters. Recently, my home was invaded by several of these brazen bandits.

Though I am directly involved in the commotion; the heaviest blows were levied on my man, Dr. A. After the initial shock of the chaos wore off, I observed Dr. A cope with his emotions. His mind was consumed and our home in disarray by the turmoil of events that were completely out of our control. This was the most beaten I had seen him. My knight in shining armor, my pillar of strength, my Superman had just been buried in a pile of kryptonite. I wanted to leap into action like Wonder Woman, slaying all his foes and healing him with my Amazonian powers; however, I stood frozen. I knew that the best way to be there for him was to stop, survey the damage, and take my next steps with care. I appreciated that he didn’t need to be rescued, what he needed was support in order to see his own way through. I couldn’t save him, stop the pain or even eliminate his enemies…only he could do that. I was there to hold the candle of hope in case his light grew dim. Dr. A didn’t need a super hero but rather a friend, much like a Sherpa who can help him through the perilous territory in case he began to lose his way. I am his partner, his equal, his comrade in life…not his savior. Dr. A was a man who in his own time of need, taught me a valuable lesson about how to support a loved one when they need it the most.

Shut Up & Listen

I let Dr. A vent his feelings without commenting on even the most irrational thoughts. I know him to be a reasonable, intelligent man but his pain consumed him and his raw emotions took over. He had the right to express himself freely, without fear of retribution or shame. I had to shut the hell up, swallow my 2 cents, and hear with compassion. Dr. A deserved the freedom to slay his own anguish; with strong words and intense visions.

Not the time for ‘I told you so”

There were times he spoke word-for-word predictions I had shared in previous conversations; but what purpose would serving him cold humble pie on a silver platter prove? To what end? Slurping my ego back into my throat; I swallowed the desire to be right. Dr. A’s pain was not the goal of sharing my predictions initially; only an attempt to prepare him from possible end games. End games I prayed I had predicted incorrectly.

Offer advice…ONLY WHEN ASKED

The shameless dwarfs of heartache, stress, pain, and drama eventually loosened their grasp. Dr. A began to stand taller, speak more objectively and strategize on how to deal with the problem. I listened with an open heart and an open mind. I kept my 2 cents buried. It wasn’t until Dr. A invited me in and openly asked for advice that I coughed up my opinions. Keeping my mouth shut allowed me to hear ALL that Dr. A had to say. He shared his feelings, perspectives, and hopeful outcomes. With all of this information I was better prepared to help guide him; understanding better where he wanted to go!

Don’t fight his battle

More than anything I wanted to kick some ass. I wanted to fight all the wrong-doers who caused Dr. A unjustified misery with my mythical girl powers. Not that he couldn’t defeat them on his own…I was pissed; not just peeved but mad cow, full blown, bat-shit-cRaZy furious. I had to continually remind myself that my words and deeds could make a bad situation worse. I also had to keep in mind that Dr. A wanted to fight his own battle and didn’t need me poking my bitch stick at the hornets’ nest. He could take care of himself and my temper would need to be kept on ice.

Offer perspective

Distressing events have a way of making problems appear larger. There were moments shortly after the ambush where Dr. A’s hurt began to invade and corrupt his perception of otherwise unaffected aspects of his life. At first I listened but if his vision continued to be skewed, I helped to remove the goggles and gently pointed to the view as it was.

Understand the emotions come in waves

After a couple of weeks, Dr. A’s flash of anger and frustration were less frequent and intense. However, even though time has a way of healing all wounds; the scars remain. I understood that although life went on, our house began to settle, and Dr. A appeared back to his old self; the side-effects would be long lasting. There were moments where I saw him lost in thought realizing that a wave of retrospection and twinge of hurt had risen to the surface. And that’s OK. I asked if he needed to talk and if he said ‘yes’ I listened…otherwise I dropped it.

Being there to support my man wasn’t always easy. The feelings of pain, anger, and frustration spilled on me like wine on a party dress but keeping my feelings, thoughts, and actions in check allowed me to support someone I care for in his most vulnerable moments. Despite the attack from the bold dwarf bastards, we survived the battle with a stronger relationship. We are better prepared for whatever storms await us as we sail through life. The seas won’t always be calm but at least Dr. A and I know that we will never have to navigate rough seas alone; providing guidance and loving support every step of the way.

This post was originally published on Marrie’s website Dirty In Public.

Special thanks to Marrie for allowing us to share one of my all time favorite of her articles here on Ms. Cheevious! Please share this article on Facebook & Twitter, and comment on this to show how much you agree — if you have time, you Rock Star, you.

Tune in next time for a post dishing on a city in the Pacific Northwest and some “little celebs that could…”

Love you people! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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ABOUT MARRIE LOBEL

Marrie is a Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating, sex & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants. You can read more on her personal blog, Dirty In Public and on Singles Warehouse where she is a #SWEXPERT contributor.

MORE WAYS TO FIND MARRIE

Website: www.DirtyInPublic.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/DirtyInPublic @DirtyInPublic

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DirtyInPublic

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Resolution-Based Date Ideas for 2013

December 28, 2012 by MsCheevious

This is going to be brief (not). We are far too busy during the holidays to sit around reading random posts by aspiring writers (even if they’ve just published a book on Amazon for Kindle – oh yeah… uh huh…). But I wanted to get this off to you quickly… before the Hanukkah and Christmas decorations were yanked off the walls and the New Year’s Eve celebrations and the endless professions of New Year’s Resolutions began.

You know, I’m not much on making resolutions. I’ve got enough lists of things to do, one of which is my list of lifelong and short-term goals. I am so damn goal-oriented, I get overwhelmed looking at how long my list of goals has become.

That said, I’m not living under a rock, and I see your tweets and Facebook posts. I see what you share with me in your circles. I realize everyone is thinking in these last few days of the year about New Year’s Resolutions.

So I’m going to provide you my giant list of Goals or Resolutions for the coming year (there are two), and I’m double-timing the list. It will also serve as a list of great date ideas for you and any significant other you choose, or happen to be with, in 2013. I love killing two birds with one stone. So instead of hitting the Hot or Not or Tinder app you single wild-things, try THIS. And this first one might feel a little harsh, but that’s what resolutions are for.

1. CLEANSE THE CRAP AWAY.

My Resolution: This past year I went through a TON of crap, surgically, physically, mentally, emotionally… you name it. I also have deep emotions about food and booze. I’m in love with both of them. It’s a sordid love triangle. If I need to feel the love, I allow myself more indulgence than is generally necessary. So, come January, (after the New Year’s holiday travel), I’ll be lean, and dry, eating organically as much as possible, and drinking all non-alcoholic beverages. I plan to do this for at least a month. Stay tuned on that.

Your Date: Similar to me, many of you have experienced your own share of CRAP. Only yours may have been with the opposite sex. If that is the case, do a cleansing ritual of your own (perhaps burn their names on little tiny pieces of paper and send their ashes down the toilet). Then do us all a favor (yourself mostly) and vow to have a closed door policy on your life, would you? At least in regard to Mr. or Ms. Charming. Unless he or she does what they should to be granted admittance, don’t let that door creak open. Trust me. You’ll be surprised and delighted. Once you are surprised and delighted, let them in, and you can continue the cleansing as follows:

Take a BATH together baby. You and your date should seek out a cool bath house, a hot springs spa, outdoor pools, or simply fill the backyard (or indoor) Jacuzzi! Then jump in and enjoy. Bring the strawberries and wine or champagne. Just because I am abstaining from alcohol, doesn’t mean you must.

2. EXERCISE FREQUENTLY.

My Resolution: For the same reasons listed above, my daily workout regimen has suffered greatly. I’m feeling more these days like a bobble-body than a svelte, lean, mean fighting machine (which I vehemently prefer). Play time is OVER. Time to get back to it, and at LEAST 3 times per week, at that. This starts the same time as the cleansing. Yes. It’s on. (And yes, I will probably be doing my yoga practice which is in my new book on Amazon — yeeeeee!!!!)

Your Date: We could figuratively go to a wide array of places with this one… have sex frequently (I love that one), go to the gym together… But how about you go out for a long walk or hike? Next time, ride bikes. Don’t own one? Take a drive to the nearest bike-friendly location and rent them for the day. If bikes aren’t your thing, there are any number of alternatives: roller skating, blading, skateboarding, exercise your mind playing chess in the park. Pick an exercise and do it together!

That’s all I got for ya‘. I told you it would be brief. Now, if you are so inclined, I’d love for you to find my books on Amazon for the Kindle, Kindle Fire and Kindle Fire HD. Don’t have a Kindle? It’s okay! Amazon has a free Kindle Reader for your computer. Click here to see my books, and if you choose to purchase one for a buck, ninety-nine, there should be an option to download Kindle for PC or Mac.

Have a beautiful, fun, safe New Year’s Eve celebration lovely ladies and gentlemen! I’ll be in touch very soon!

#MomFactor: If you’re a single mom, all of the above applies to you. And I MEAN THAT. Get out there and date, lady! If you aren’t single, get out there with your significant other and DATE lady!

My Man, A Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and Replacement Refs

November 5, 2012 by MsCheevious

Admit it. The title grabbed you, didn’t it? My Man, a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader and Replacement Refs? And I’d wager a bet it was the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader that made you click. I prefer to think it was mention of my man that made ya’ click, but since, for all you know, my guy is a big yellow chicken named M.C. Nugget, I’m guessing the latter was the draw. It certainly wasn’t the replacement refs. And what the heck was that about anyway? Replacement refs? That was an exercise in futility if there ever was one.

Speaking of which, did anyone see the “Replacements” with Keanu Reeves? He’s a cutie isn’t he? That movie has absolutely nothing to do with replacement refs, but hey, they could make a film called “The Replacement Refs.” If they cast Keanu I’d watch it. I really would.

Yeah, there’s nothing like good, strong references to sexy pro football cheerleaders, Keanu Reeves and replacement refs to attract both the men and the women to the blog! But let’s get to it, shall we?

The other night, Nuggie and I went to a Halloween party. No, it wasn’t the party at the Playboy Mansion that I talked about in another (shhh) blog. It was a party thrown by some friends at DirtyandThirty.com. We had a great time at this party. There were plenty of gorgeous Hollywood types, as usual. The party was held at the new Redbury Hotel, which we’d wanted to check out ever since it opened. It was refreshing this year to attend a party not totally about sexy, slutty costumes. I’m sure there was crying in the men’s rooms that night as a result, but on the outside, M.C. and all the other guys put on their game faces, patronizing me (and all the other women) by agreeing they were very impressed with the costume creativity of the guests.

Some would say the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader costume is a sexy costume, and granted, this particular cheerleader looked great! But we’ve seen less coverage, and I must admit, though I am all for the eye candy that results from sexy nurses, pirates, belly dancers, etc. it was… NICE! It felt as if we’d stepped into a Hollywood venue full of creative types or something… Oh wait.

But one of the greatest costumes (at least I thought) were two girls who dressed as the Replacement Refs. I wish I’d thought of it. They were perfect too. They had a copy of “Football for Dummies” with them, and were making all kinds of mistake “calls” all night. It was pretty priceless.

We had fun, we rocked the place, and we got out.

Then we went out for a late night breakfast at another place we love in Hollywood called Kitchen 24. If you don’t live in LA and plan to visit, make a stop there. It’s one of the best late-night dining spots around.

So we played, drank and ate bad food late at night… we truly enjoyed a good ole’ fashioned late night out in Hollywood. Ahhhhh, just the way I like it.

But now I’m tired. Just remembering the night makes me want to curl up on my feather bed. What has become of me?

Tune in next time for a special guest post from Ms. Marrie Lobel. You remember her. She wrote the fabulous piece about being glad she is a woman, which ROCKED.

Love you people! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

Editor in [Mis]Chief

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Protected: Dirty Little Secrets

July 14, 2012 by Dorota Skrzypek

Just Call Me The Relationship Whisperer

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Happy Cinco de Nuggie aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones

Happy Cinco de Nuggie! aka Celebrate Your Loved Ones!

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