DON’T UNDERESTIMATE MY NEED
Today I realized I may not be getting enough estrogen.
That’s a hormone. A very important female hormone.
I’ll spare you the story again, because you’ve probably heard me piss and moan about it many times over, but basically my body doesn’t make female hormones anymore. Damn body. So, I have to take whatever combo my doc comes up with, and we tweak as we go to make sure I’m a happy girl.
I realized I’m probably due for a “tweak” this morning after two things happened that caused my hair to stand on end, poking passers by with poison, and my voice became increasingly shrieky and annoyingly whiny any time M.C. Nugget tried to engage in conversation.
I’m not immune to the fact that these things almost always start with me.
I collect stressful situations like the Kardashians collect shopping bags full of shoes at Bergdorf Goodman.
It’s a gift.
I collected two such stressful situations just this morning, and the worst part was I KNEW they were coming. I was just ill-prepared. That’s another thing I’ve noticed about my low hormone levels. I’m less prepared. Like ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Here’s a little insight into me: I’m normally OVER prepared in most situations. I could be a friggin’ BOY SCOUT if only I had a penis (we’d be talking about different hormones then, but I’m game).
When it finally occurred to me that a) Life is just – pffff – stupid… who made this shit up anyway… b) every damn website has gone to hell and doesn’t work like it’s supposed to, c) my apartment is messy and my face products are in three different places around the city… and d) dammit why am I so forgetful and unorganized all of the sudden, and that e) yes it’s true, they really did end the season of The Following with the serial killer still alive (why? because they’re FREAKIN’ IDIOTS). When I realized ALL OF THAT, I decided to make the call.
I called my doctor to inform her that the most recent incarnation of estrogen/progesterone tinctures she’d cooked up were not doing the trick. When I also told her that I may drive over to her home, slice her tires and carry away her first born child, she understood that perhaps I needed more.
MORE ESTROGEN PEOPLE.
And do not – I repeat – DO NOT underestimate my need.
Ummmmm…someone get the girl a chill pill! LOL!
Right????!! Lol! Now hand me that cupcake if you know what’s good for you! BAHAHAHA!!!!
OMG woman, get a cupcake or two! So glad I don’t have to deal with hormones, or maybe I am not affected like that. HUGS N KISSES
You are ONE lucky lady Judy! HAHA! That or I am just very, very honest, and more so than what is probably prudent. HA!
Actually, I wish I were there to buy you a cupcake. Just went online to see if anyone delivered cupcakes this afternoon, but there isn’t … Dang it!
CURSES. FOILED AGAIN!
I love all your stresses, I must, I keep them or some like them, around me all the time. And add to them having a dementia ridden lifetime partner who thinks today (Tuesday, May 13) is Mother’s Day (we went to a big party for the same Sunday), and that Christmas is next month, and puts the take-out food from the Chinese Restaurant in the microwave instead of the refrigerator and swears we never brought any home because she can’t find it, etc. Then there’s my estrogen. Since prostate cancer is spread by the growth of prostate cells, stemming this growth stems the cancer. What stimulates prostate growth? – testosterone. What counteracts testosterone? – estrogen. What hormone do I get injected into my tush semi-annually? – estrogen. My boobs haven’t started to grow, but I do get hot flashes as a documented side effect. Viagra doesn’t come in big enough bottles. Since old women have a greater risk of osteoporosis and I am being chemically driven into aged femininity I also get a thrice annually Prolia shot to counteract that side effect. But if that’s what it takes to postpone prostate cancer death, I gotta love it. My urologist says if it kills me when I’m 103 I will have won. In any, case, keep your estrogen up and head off any prostate cancer of your own. No one told me about cupcakes – do they work?
Ms. Cheevious says
Oh EAEME! You crack me up! But what else can I say? I’m glad you’re on top of your healthcare? LOL!!! Well, prostate cancer is a big risk for all men as they age, so there ya go. Take care of it. If you grow boobs I’m sure I’ve got some braziers you can have. LOL!!!! I’ll be over here eating my cupcakes…. and yes… they do work. LOL