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Resolution-Based Date Ideas for 2013

December 28, 2012 by MsCheevious

This is going to be brief (not). We are far too busy during the holidays to sit around reading random posts by aspiring writers (even if they’ve just published a book on Amazon for Kindle – oh yeah… uh huh…). But I wanted to get this off to you quickly… before the Hanukkah and Christmas decorations were yanked off the walls and the New Year’s Eve celebrations and the endless professions of New Year’s Resolutions began.

You know, I’m not much on making resolutions. I’ve got enough lists of things to do, one of which is my list of lifelong and short-term goals. I am so damn goal-oriented, I get overwhelmed looking at how long my list of goals has become.

That said, I’m not living under a rock, and I see your tweets and Facebook posts. I see what you share with me in your circles. I realize everyone is thinking in these last few days of the year about New Year’s Resolutions.

So I’m going to provide you my giant list of Goals or Resolutions for the coming year (there are two), and I’m double-timing the list. It will also serve as a list of great date ideas for you and any significant other you choose, or happen to be with, in 2013. I love killing two birds with one stone. So instead of hitting the Hot or Not or Tinder app you single wild-things, try THIS. And this first one might feel a little harsh, but that’s what resolutions are for.

1. CLEANSE THE CRAP AWAY.

My Resolution: This past year I went through a TON of crap, surgically, physically, mentally, emotionally… you name it. I also have deep emotions about food and booze. I’m in love with both of them. It’s a sordid love triangle. If I need to feel the love, I allow myself more indulgence than is generally necessary. So, come January, (after the New Year’s holiday travel), I’ll be lean, and dry, eating organically as much as possible, and drinking all non-alcoholic beverages. I plan to do this for at least a month. Stay tuned on that.

Your Date: Similar to me, many of you have experienced your own share of CRAP. Only yours may have been with the opposite sex. If that is the case, do a cleansing ritual of your own (perhaps burn their names on little tiny pieces of paper and send their ashes down the toilet). Then do us all a favor (yourself mostly) and vow to have a closed door policy on your life, would you? At least in regard to Mr. or Ms. Charming. Unless he or she does what they should to be granted admittance, don’t let that door creak open. Trust me. You’ll be surprised and delighted. Once you are surprised and delighted, let them in, and you can continue the cleansing as follows:

Take a BATH together baby. You and your date should seek out a cool bath house, a hot springs spa, outdoor pools, or simply fill the backyard (or indoor) Jacuzzi! Then jump in and enjoy. Bring the strawberries and wine or champagne. Just because I am abstaining from alcohol, doesn’t mean you must.

2. EXERCISE FREQUENTLY.

My Resolution: For the same reasons listed above, my daily workout regimen has suffered greatly. I’m feeling more these days like a bobble-body than a svelte, lean, mean fighting machine (which I vehemently prefer). Play time is OVER. Time to get back to it, and at LEAST 3 times per week, at that. This starts the same time as the cleansing. Yes. It’s on. (And yes, I will probably be doing my yoga practice which is in my new book on Amazon — yeeeeee!!!!)

Your Date: We could figuratively go to a wide array of places with this one… have sex frequently (I love that one), go to the gym together… But how about you go out for a long walk or hike? Next time, ride bikes. Don’t own one? Take a drive to the nearest bike-friendly location and rent them for the day. If bikes aren’t your thing, there are any number of alternatives: roller skating, blading, skateboarding, exercise your mind playing chess in the park. Pick an exercise and do it together!

That’s all I got for ya‘. I told you it would be brief. Now, if you are so inclined, I’d love for you to find my books on Amazon for the Kindle, Kindle Fire and Kindle Fire HD. Don’t have a Kindle? It’s okay! Amazon has a free Kindle Reader for your computer. Click here to see my books, and if you choose to purchase one for a buck, ninety-nine, there should be an option to download Kindle for PC or Mac.

Have a beautiful, fun, safe New Year’s Eve celebration lovely ladies and gentlemen! I’ll be in touch very soon!

#MomFactor: If you’re a single mom, all of the above applies to you. And I MEAN THAT. Get out there and date, lady! If you aren’t single, get out there with your significant other and DATE lady!

10 Things Girls Secretly Wish About Guys

May 16, 2012 by MsCheevious

I received some interesting comments in response to my article “10 Things Guys Secretly Wish About Women” here on my site, on Facebook and via personal emails.

It was a fun post to write. I really wanted to explore the subject because I feel as though women tend to believe (and promote) ridiculous notions about themselves. It is tiring and embarrassing being held accountable by men for ideas floating around (which sound good initially, but end up falling flat) like ‘women should “become” successful or fashionable or fit, because that is what a man wants’, or even worse, that certain behaviors are okay because we are – well, female – for goddsakes. Not true. Clinginess or nagging is unattractive no matter what sex organs you possess. Yes, there are certain things we can do to rock our partner’s world. The article definitely addressed some of those things (like supporting their passions, even if it involves watching, listening or sacrificing our date night to sports almost every day of the week). Reminder. It wasn’t a list of MUSTS – just what guys secretly wish. Likewise, this is not a MUST-DO list for guys. Guys can take it or leave it with no judgment whatsoever. They may never get lucky again, but hey – it’s their prerogative.

In all fairness, however, women deserve equal time. I covered things for the guys, so by-god my girls and I get our day in Ms. Cheevious-land too. Plus, some of you wrote and asked me to do it.

One of the things that crossed my mind when I decided to write about this was “are you friggin’ KIDDING? Women? The list could be endless!”

I admit I think we are a little whacky and our wishes about guys are all over the map. With men, whittling it down to ten things seemed pretty easy – and I probably covered it pretty thoroughly. They’re pretty simple human beings. Food, sex, laughs, eye candy and activities they enjoy (reading, athletic, channel surfing – choose the poison) are probably about it for them. Not so for women. A quick Google search of the things women wish about guys delivered 579 million results. That’s the actual number people. One such result was a Facebook page dedicated to the 257 Things a Girl Wished a Guy Knew. Wow. I wouldn’t want to be a guy.

If you haven’t noticed yet, WE’RE VERY DIFFERENT.

There are some really important differences between men and women (aside from the obvious) that make it truly impossible for me to list ALL the things women wish about men in this article.

EMOTIONS. We women are complex creatures who are not only willing to allow emotions a place of prominence in our decision making processes, we are hardwired to do so (hormones, cycles, etc). Most men (not all, of course) are simple individuals (see above). They know what they want and need, and they try to make that happen. Simple.

BRAINS. Women think differently than men. We access our left and right brains simultaneously. Men use one side at a time. This benefits us often (we’re amazing multi-taskers), but it can backfire as well. If, for instance, we are compelled by logic (left brain) NOT to text or call the guy — AGAIN — often (at the very same time) the right brain in all its creativity and imagination (fueled by those ooey-gooey, yummy emotions) offers up just as compelling an argument to do so, i.e. ‘but I really like him.. and…[imagining] wouldn’t we make such a cute couple? If I show him how cute I am, he’s bound to see how cute we would be together. I’ll text him this cute picture right now…”

BODIES. Our bodies are different, and have different needs. We possess extremely complex, multi-layered va-jay-jays (and our not-so-complex, but equally tantalizing ta-tas). Men have some pretty basic elements to their physiques – a penis and its – ehem – cohorts. Once you’ve explored every nook and cranny, there AIN’T much else to discover. But no one knows or holds the keys to the kingdom when it comes to every undiscovered secret of the great female organ. Not even the woman possessing it. So then, why would anyone expect that from any man (who simply wants food, sex, laughs and enjoyable activities)?

I could go on, but I think you get my point.

Still, in the name of equality, and in an effort to be just as thorough for my girls, I’m diving in. LORD help me.

1. TREAT ME SPECIAL NO MATTER WHO IS AROUND (DON’T TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY WHEN YOU”RE AROUND YOUR FRIENDS). That’s just weak. Be good to me. Period. Not too difficult. Don’t disrespect me. If you need guy time, I get it. Just don’t treat me like one of your locker room buddies when they are around (insults, jabs and wise-cracks about bodily functions included) and expect me to crawl all over you later that evening.

2. DON’T BE A JEALOUS OR POSSESSIVE NANCY. That’s even weaker. Be confident in yourself and in our relationship, no matter how gorgeous you think I am (and thank you, by the way, but it’s not a threat to you), or how scandalous and untrustworthy other guys may be.

3. DON’T BE A SLOBBOVIAN WHEN YOU GROOM YOURSELF. You did NOT just clip your nose hairs and leave it in the sink, did you? Puh-leeez. I am not your maid, or your mom. I love seeing you when you’re well groomed (translation: when you look and smell clean and are the HOT guy I am attracted to). I don’t want to know (or see or smell) how it happened, especially when it’s etched into the grout.

4. IF YOU ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WE WILL LOVE YOU MORE. You might even get a little extra somethin’ somethin’. This one requires no further explanation. Just ask, for goddsakes.

5. SUPPORT MY PASSIONS. Just as I watch and try to enjoy – or fake it – your sports, your dune buggies, motorcycles, model airplanes, etc… at least on occasion, I want you to do the same for my shows, my occasional trip to the mall, antiquing…. even daisy picking. Yep…once more… with feeling. The “Real Housewives,” “The Bachelor,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Revenge,” are all now part of the deal. And those daisies won’t pick themselves. But seriously men, if we agree to extend each other a hall pass for such activities, well, at least smile and act excited for us as we head out the door to our next chick flick. When we see you next, maybe even ask about it, and try to act interested. Don’t let your eyes glaze over. Hopefully in return we’ll do the same while you’re on your way to hang out with the guys at the Sports Bar all day on a Sunday, or when you launch into a ten minute diatribe on the NFL draft and the doom of the first-round draft pick’s career.

6. CELEBRATE MY SUCCESSES WITH ME. Don’t be threatened, even if you are out of work. My good fortune is your good fortune. We’re a team. If that means you are on Windex or Pledge duty, well, I’ll cheer you on too. I’ll be that support you need, but don’t ruin things by handling my good fortune badly.

7. CUDDLE AND TOUCH ME MORE. I’m not saying it has to be all the time. But geez, how about once in a while? Maybe after a hard day, while we watch TV, anytime the time is right… caress my cheek… stroke my hair… squeeze my arm gently… hug me… put your hand on my leg when we sit next to each other… Once in a while will do. Just do it.

8. MS. VA-JAY-JAY LIKES “SPECIAL” ATTENTION AS MUCH OR MORE THAN MR. WINKY. Because I am built so that you can please me in a multiplicity of ways, I don’t complain when I don’t get that specific attention. Just don’t make it rare or never. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not only that, sometimes we actually want, or NEED to have that full-throttle orgasm that just won’t happen by the traditional means. You may have to get creative yourself Mister.

9. SURPRISE ME. Let me know you are thinking of me when I’m not around. Buy me some flowers or do something as a token of your affection… at work or at home… in a restaurant — For no apparent reason.

10. BE MY MAN. And all that entails. Chivalry is not dead, and contrary to popular belief – I still like it. I am strong, intelligent, independent and an incredible success story in my own right. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armor, necessarily, but if you want to walk on the street side of the sidewalk, and open the door for me, I won’t mind. I would also greatly appreciate and probably become your love slave, should you find occasion to defend my honor, and do so. I’m just sayin’. I don’t need a man to rescue me, but I do appreciate him showing that he can, that he cares and that he is willing, should he see the opportunity.

So there you have it. I did say there was no way on EARTH to cover everything, didn’t I?

Check in next time for something frivolous and delicious. I’ll be over here conjuring it up…

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmppphhhuuuhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

WATCH the related video: http://youtu.be/V_eCt04xKak

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Sh*t Girls Say — If They’re Ms. Cheevious

March 15, 2012 by MsCheevious

I’ll admit. I had to do it. I cannot watch something like “Shit Girls Say,” which is so hysterically funny without thinking, ‘HOLY CRAP that sounds an awful lot like a sweeter version of me!’ I’m sure that’s what was intended.

But I think I’m pretty funny. Is that bad? I’m pretty harmless in my narcissistic view of my hilariousness. I simply crack myself up. What harm is there in that? I’m sure I turn some heads as I walk past folks in the market or on the street chuckling out loud at something I just said out loud to myself, but who is it hurting? That’s all I wanna’ know. A little nuttiness never hurt anyone. As a matter of fact, my man M.C. Nugget and I make a habit of exhibiting nutty and weird behavior on a regular basis.

Before I get rolling on that whole tangent, let me get to the point of this post. I think you will really laugh (or at the very least, mildly chuckle) at the first clip I have for you – my muse, if you will, when it came to putting together “Shit Girls Say if They’re Ms. Cheevious”… And then you’ll see that very video (and either laugh, cry, or mildly chuckle).

The difference between the two is that the first was professionally produced. It was also scripted and performed by a dude in a chick’s wig, who is very funny, alongside a star – like – um, JULIETTE LEWIS. You’ll know her when you see her.

My clip is REAL SHIT. Things I said without being prompted, which were caught on video.

After you’ve enjoyed both of these short clips, I have a little project we can ALL participate in.

I’d like for you to help me write a new video via the COMMENTS section on this post, which WILL be scripted and performed by a few of my best and hottest gal pals (also actresses). It will be called Shit Ms. Cheevious Girls say. If we get some great phrases here, when it is up on YouTube, I will enable ads on the video, and any proceeds made from those ads we’ll donate to a charity of our choice (we’ll vote on that when the time comes).

Watch, Enjoy, and put your thinking caps on. I’ll throw out some suggestions after the clips to get the ball rolling in your brains.

SHIT GIRLS SAY, EPISODE 1

If you can’t see the above Youtube window in your browser, please click here

SHIT GIRLS SAY – IF THEY’RE MS. CHEEVIOUS

Again, if you can’t view the above video window in your browser, click here

BEFORE YOU COMMENT:

Now, in terms of coming up with comments. This video will be scripted, and I’d like to use my “Girls” as some inspiration. By that I mean the girls in my paintings, which you can see some of them here on my website (left border) or those I will actually use are here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150193003761734.291906.119215056733&type=3.

The “Girls” all have names, and I’d like to give them personalities. If you’re inclined feel free to specify who would “say” your comment. I’ll hand pick some gorgeous girlfriends who are also actresses to represent some of the girls and act these out. Here are some ideas that have been thrown around for Shit Ms. Cheevious Girls Say, and remember: You MUST think Ms. Cheevious-ly. And think about all areas of life – health, fitness, medical, career, leisure, entertainment. Whatever! And remember: Ms. Cheevious girls are EMPOWERED, INDEPENDENT, LOVING, FUN girls. So here are just a couple to get you started!

1. Does this dress make me look too skinny?

2. Do you remember that thingy that I wanted to BLOG about?

3. O.M.G. Girlfriend!!!!

4. AAAAAAAHHHHHH (screaming & jumping up and down because they find JAMESON’S or Grey Goose Vodka on sale at the grocery store).

5. Dude your boobs look GOOD in that!

If you want to see more specific phrases that we are USING, I’m compiling them on a private note on Facebook, and can share them upon request. Just ask! Now put your minds into high gear, and let’s all create a really FANTASTIC video, shall we? You will get credit (you’ll be credited as you are listed here on the blog, if we use your quote) in the video credits, so get rolling. Put those ultra witty, razor sharp, naughty, nice, sweet, funny thoughts down below! I can’t wait!

Then, boys and girls, stay tuned next time for something entirely different.

Love you people!!!!! Mmmmmmppppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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A Happy Accident

October 19, 2011 by MsCheevious

I am in favor of living a life “on purpose” & determining to live authentically. I have made a pact with myself to forge ahead despite all obstacles. In doing so, suddenly, happiness is part of the fabric of me… a Happy Accident…

With that in mind, and in true Ms. Cheevious fashion, I’m taking my cues from a cool Buzznet blog I saw recently by @KeltieColleen, who did a post entitled “Things You Need to Know About Life.” I thought, ‘hmmm. love that. but there is so much more to life than merely the warnings, the “take heeds” and things that won’t work in life… so I’m going to post it from the positive and Ms. Cheevious perspective.”

So that is what today’s post is about. Make it so #1. Do these things. BELIEVE these things and make them a part of YOU. Happiness will follow. (Oh. And if you are a MAN, BOY, DUDE… Just insert YOU in the place of “women”. Some of these apply to either sex, but when they say “women” well, it’s because they don’t write these kinds of posts for men. The kind of “inspirational” images I found for men – well, they are for another blog at another time. HA!)

Like NIKE says, “JUST DO IT.” ‘Nuff said.

I admit, I’ve grown a wee bit weary of the hundreds of posts on Facebook that have suddenly crept up on my news feed. Posts just like this with one poignant phrase after another… but reduced to graphically pleasing images. BUT. And of course, there IS a BUT… sometimes there really is a place for quips and sayings. Their is no easier way to remind ourselves of the truth: That we are not as “bad” or “weak” or “frail” or “ignorant” or “unfashionable” as we think. Sometimes our thoughts need a shot in the arm… or a big giant “graphically pleasing” BILLBOARD, blinking and buzzing in front of us… to remind us of who we really are.

Get outta here now and have a HAPPY, FANTASTIC day!

Stay tuned for the story of the WHIPPETS and Ms. Cheevious’ friends. OY.

Love you people!!!

Mmmmmphhhhuuuuhhhh!

xoxo,

Ms. Cheevious

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What’s Your Color Today?

September 27, 2011 by MsCheevious

Mine remains to be seen people! (except perhaps my bloodshot eyes! OY!) Ha!

Will I be blond? Brunette? Red Headed? With me no one can tell. It is entirely dependent on my mood. :).

But, just know that regardless of the “color” Mood YOU are in, whether it be fire engine red and you are rarin’ to go, black as night with no daylight in sight, or sunshine yellow with a bounce in your step – YOU choose your outlook AND your behavior. And hey, I suppose some days we can allow that less than perfect behavior, and moods that just simply – well – suck.

I must admit you do hear about those more than when someone is inexplicably ELATED. And probably with good reason, right? Come on, ADMIT it. Sometimes when you get around one of those Perky Penelopes you just want to secretly stick your foot out, undetected, as they skip on By! Am I right? And when we’ve been elated, how often do we find ourselves feeling GUILTY for expressing it because, well, times are hard, people are suffering, and so on, and so forth.

But I desire and strive for authenticity people! When I am JUBILENT — and — when I am in the dumpster. You know… the one in back of MC Nugget’s apartment? It sometimes feels like a home away from home. LOL

But seriously, you are the ONLY one who can dig deep into your gut and pull out something unexpected. Happy, sad, angry, remorseful, whatever. So this, my lovelies, is your mission, should you choose to accept it. Surprise us all with your choice and we will celebrate YOU in the process!

Let us know what color you choose to be today by posting below. Feeling dark and gray and dreary? Do tell, but be creative in your color and tell us why! Feeling Stinkin FREAKIN JAZZED for some reason, and that color feels like Chartreuse to you? Can’t wait to hear about it.

Love you people!!!
Mmmmpphhuuhhhh!

xoxo,
Ms. Cheevious
via my iPhone

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