American Idol

No, “ET” is not the extra terrestrial from the movie E.T., though he was cute and all.  Entertainment Tonight is what I’m talkin’ bout.  And I’m gonna’ be on it – TONIGHT!  That’s right you read it right. The reason for my slightly erratic posts of late (my move made me a Delinquent Ms. Cheevious last week, and I didn’t even bother to send it out to my peeps), and even today’s post, (as I normally write this column for Thursdays) is being posted because I am going to be on the show TONIGHT, Wednesday, May 21, 2008.  That is, unless I get preempted by Angelina’s water breaking or something. 

Speaking of preempting.  How sad is it when the story of my now infamous meeting with one of the blogosphere’s own, Random Esquire, is once again preempted by my appearance on Entertainment Tonight?  I guess sometimes life just happens and ya gotta go with what is RIGHT NOW, ya know? The Random Esquire story is great, in and of itself, but it’s nothing (sorry R!) compared to the serendipitous happenings of the past week! I’ve not forgotten the story.  Hopefully I’ll be able to tell it some day.  That is, if I’m not overwhelmed by phone calls from producers and agents after my appearance on national t.v. tonight.  Ha ha!  If so, you know I’ll have to write about it, and bounce all my other stories once again.  But think about it!  I could seriously be bogged down suddenly with all sorts of industry folks clamoring for my attention! 

I know, I know.  I’m just yankin’ your chains.  But sometimes I like to let these types of fantasies run amok in my head. Sometimes that is what makes good things really happen in life.  That’s right. You heard it here first. Fantasy is good.

If only this appearance on t.v. – and I have to say it is NOT anything that will promote me, my friends or any of that fabulous-ness – if only it could promote me and my book, and provide me with some positive publicity!  I’d get my book published in a heart beat. 

Okay.  I have to tell you what really went down and how this all happened: 

I got to Los Angeles last Monday.  I was here little more than a day, and was shopping for a few supplies at Costco, when I gave my girlfriend Sheila a ring. 

“Your ears must be ringing.  Did you know I was just writing about you in a email?”

“What were you writing about me for?” I asked, my curiosity peaked.

“Well, one of the producers from Entertainment Tonight called and they’re wanting to do a segment with lots of drama.  You know, bandages all over, like for a face lift or something.”

Okay, I have to interject here: my girlfriend Sheila works for a prominent cosmetic surgeon in Beverly Hills.  She is basically the COO for all things in that office and all the doctor’s endeavors. 

But once she said that, I thought ‘Uh oh.  Not again. I’ve been down that road, and it’s not pretty.”  It happened the last time I’d just moved to Los Angeles.  A friend of mine (another Beverly Hills surgeon) asked if I wanted free Botox in exchange for being photographed for some news papers. Little ole me thought, “why not?”  I’d had Botox once before, and I knew it was harmless – but could be costly, so I eagerly agreed.  Unbeknown to me, that little “photographer” my EX doctor-friend mentioned (just kidding Paul!) worked for the Associated Press and the “news papers” meant that any old publication could pick the story up, thus my before and after pictures appeared on the cover of the LA Times, the New York Post and so many others.  Regis and Kathy Lee held up my FROWNING MUG on national television.  I was so embarrassed by the whole episode, and it has never gone away.  Anyone can look up my name and BOTOX on the internet and see those frowning pictures easily.  The worst part is I had my first experience with being misquoted by the media.  I told the slug who photographed me that I worked in television production – which I did.  He wrote down “producer.” So, when Kathy Lee told the country that “Television producer, Lisa J. Davis had Botox” and held up my pictures for all the world to see, my phone started ringing. “So, when did you start producing, Lisa?” some of my acquaintances in the business prodded.  I had to do some fancy footwork to get out of that one, even though technically, I had actually produced.  They just didn’t know about it, and no one had seen what I’d produced.  Doesn’t that just bite?  

Still, hopeful Sheila was not thinking I needed a face lift, I asked “So what does this have to do with me?”

“Well, she wants all this drama, right?  And we don’t have anything on the books, so I am trying to pitch our Fraxel Laser treatment to her, but I need help with the pitch.”

“So, what have you got?” I asked, relieved, and now thinking she just wanted me for my editing prowess.

“Well, I’ve basically explained how right after the Fraxel, the patient has to wear this cooling mask, and it’s kind of dramatic because it looks sort of like ‘Jason’ or some other character out of a horror flick.  When I did the treatment I loved the cooling mask so much and wanted to drive home with it but the office wouldn’t let me do it.  They said I’d get pulled over looking that scarry,” she explained, laughing. “But now I am trying to pitch you.”

“Me?” I asked laughing.  “Why do need to pitch me?”

“Just listen to this, okay?” and she went on to read her initial email:

My girlfriend has just returned to Los Angeles after living in Colorado for the past four years and she is looking really old. 

I stopped her immediately, laughing hysterically (maybe from fear it might be true), “WHAT?! That’s awful!  That’s not true!  Does my skin look that bad?”

She laughed, “Listen!  I had to make it dramatic, but – yeah it’s pretty bad” she laughed again, with her huge, invasive British laugh (okay it’s not really big or invasive, but I had to exact revenge somehow).

In that mili-second, I quickly glanced down the road of where this was going, and decided I needed to ignore what my friend was saying for the moment, and put on the hat she needed.  I needed to help her EDIT THAT EMAIL and FAST.

“No, no.  If you are really wanting to pitch this, you need to paint the picture. What you say is, the frigid, dry Colorado air has taken its toll on her skin.” 

She bought it and sent the email. 

A few minutes later she called me back, ecstatic.  “They loved the idea! They want to do it this week!”  I quickly reminded my best friend that I had movers and handymen and cable men and all manner of men coming to my place THIS week, and if the “men” didn’t say enough (just kidding honey – it’s for the audience, I promise), the fact that I was MOVING should.  I was booked.

“Oh please!  I told them your movers were coming on Thursday, and they want to do it Friday! Can you make it happen?”  I agreed that, should all go according to plan, I could come in for the laser treatment. 

But I wasn’t actually sold on this laser thing. She had to reassure me that the treatment would not scar or cause me to swell up like a balloon.  I listened to all the details an all the worst case scenarios that could occur with the treatment. I won’t go into details, as you’ll have to watch the segment to see what really happens – but I decided it was safe to go for it!

So, there you have it!  My first appearance on national television, and I’m going to look like JASON.  How’s that for a serendipitous occurrence?  As one friend put it, “You’ve got a world of opportunity opening up to you there, and you’ve only been there a day.”

So be sure to tune in tonight!  You will have to check your local listings, but you can go to the Entertainment Tonight website and click on the bottom left navigation “Local Show Finder” as well.  If you read this post too late to tune in, not to worry my little darlings, I will get a copy of the tape and post it later. 

Well, I am off now.  I have to go peruse my wardrobe and get ready for my eventful day.  I may go to the American Idol after-party or something.  Who knows? 

Tah Tah for now.  xoxo

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Blog content copyright 2008, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious