I apologize in advance, but this is not a review of the popular television show The X Factor starring Simon Cowell. You will not find any content about singers or performers here. No, my little devlish ones, this post is about the OFFICIAL X-Factor, and stars one Ms. Nawty Norski, but the only singing going on in this post, well – there is none. You can hum along to “Oh Sweet Mystery of Life” if you’d like (look it up you rug-rats that don’t know what I’m talking about, sheesh! Look specifically for clips of the late Madeline Kahn belting out a few bars of it in the classic favorite, and hilarious film “Young Frankenstein”).
Over the recent Valentine’s Day holiday, a gal pal of mine, Ms. Nawty Norski, posed the following question, which is the essence of this post – The OFFICIAL X-Factor:
Can women successfully rekindle the flames of love and passion, or more importantly, have healthy relationships with X-boyfriends?
It came about because an X of Nawty’s got back in touch suddenly, for no apparent reason. He is an X from years ago, who was far too immature to give her what she desired from a relationship back in the day. That’s why it ended in the first place.
In his most recent communications, X-Man seemed interested to pick things up from their most intimate of stopping points, professing a newfound maturity that was obviously amiss in years past.
She remained a bit ambivalent about the matter, but was willing to consider the merits of the situation, should Mr. X deliver the goods he was promising (those “goods,” aside from his newfound maturity, well they’re a bit x-rated. You see, Ms. Norski sent around a Nawty-Note for Valentine’s Day about how women are only interested in men who possess some very – ehem – specific qualities. Not all physical, mind you. One of those qualities was fiduciary. Well, Mr. X, who’d already been trying to “reconnect,” as it were, responded in the affirmative to her Nawtiness). Being the adventurous, mscheevious, inquisitive, fun-loving gal that Nawty is, she spent the evening at his home on Valentines Day. Nothing serious happenend, but she was not convinced. She asked me to pose it to you – my lovely readers. What do you think?
(Above image “borrowed” from http://furniturestoretoronto.blog.com/ex-boyfriend-quotes/)
Can we women overlook the hurt, pain, confusion and/or frustration (even disinterest) of the past with an X-boyfriend, husband or otherwise, and hope to engage in a fulfilling, fun, adventurous, positive relationship experience today?
Tell us what you think you wise, razor-sharp boys and girls. I am waiting with bated breath. And Ms. Norski? She’s holding hers. So hurry it up. The clock’s ticking. And you don’t have to join any email list to comment below, so you have no excuse. Feel free to advise Ms. Nawty Norski in your comment.
I’m going to post the most creative, fun, interesting, random or weird comment in my blog next time, so get to it, and use that wicked-smart wit and brain-power you’ve been given.
That’s all for today, but I’m in Mammoth Mountain ski resort as I type this, so you’ll be seeing another couple of videos from me very soon. Sorry. The nuttiness WILL forge on.
Love you people! Mmmmmppphhhuuuuhhhh!!!!
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Nawty should do what she wants. have fun, and don’t expect too much. If she wants a relationship, she needs to be careful
Agreed Marissa! Thanks for the comment! xo
Yoyoyo! What you didn’t like might still be there, or visa versa, but what if X wants to fast forward to desert… Don’t gals deserve to be wooed regardless of giving it up in the ancient past? X should be working TWICE as hard to impress on a continual basis, as he didn’t get it right the first time around…especially if he wants to eat his cake and have it too.
well Ms. JL you are so right. He definitely should be working at LEAST TWICE as hard, schmoozing, wooing, courting, whatever you want to call it!
Well, MsCheevious, as always your blog post is extremely timely. Struggling with this very issue myself somewhat. Your friend Nawtiness doesn’t say how the X’s past immaturity exhibited itself – did he just not meet her needs or was it something more. I find most Xs are Xs for a reason – breach of trust, something that causes loss of respect for them, something was missing, etc. But what about the ones who drifted away, ran away or got pushed away because of timing – nothing more – just two people who connected but were at different stages of their lives to stick? Or is he someone who got away and she’s interested in what he has to say/offer out of some sense of vindication that he finally realized she was too good to let go? She knows what motivates her and as much advice as she seeks, she is going to do what she is going to do no matter what we say. Does his smile trump Mr. Too Nice Guy’s? Does he really want to pick up at their most intimate of stopping points? That’s okay as long as he is honest about it and she can live with those terms. Or is he willing to put some time in to reignite intimacy and take it to a higher level? Ultimately, the heart wants what the heart wants and, if her heart is engaged, no point trying to reason with it so she should just be prepared for the wild ride! NSAS with an X is risky business and not for the faint at heart.
B – Thanks for the thoughtful post! I’m not even sure what the X’s past sins were, but suffice it to say, and you summed it up nicely, that he is an X for a reason… I think it was commitment phobia and general immature behavior. So, I think this may be part of the reason she questions if the years, and his aging has changed – or matured him. But based on their first get together (or reuniting), I would say not. The fact that she is still questioning it all is a huge red flag in my book! We have these internal hesitations and such for a reason, and in this case, if she has evaluated her own motives and found them centered and healthy, and those warnings are still going off inside, well, I tend to say “don’t go there.”
M.C. Nugg says
Well…………. In my experience people don’t really change. They do, however, grow up. So if indeed, “youth” and maturity was was the problem, there’s a chance. But be observant and careful. And know exactly what you want.
Yes – growing up is not the same as change. Thanks Nuggie. Well put.
I personally have never had any luck reuniting with X’s – all the shit that was wrong before was still there the 2nd (and 3rd) time. But, I have known a few couples who almost got divorced, but then pulled it out and are still together today.
I think the difference between my experience and their experience is that when they separated, the two really worked on their own shit separately and when they got back together again, they weren’t trying to ‘just pick up where they left off’ – they took a few steps back – took things slow, earned the trust again.
I will also add that exes are great for a quick romp – if that is all you are looking for – but you have to be clear in your head before you do.
Your articles are very entertaining. Thank you!
@Kelly – Thank you so much for your input. I have had married friends almost get divorced and pull it out at the eleventh hour as well. And their story echoes your friends’ stories. But we agree. A little romp doesn’t hurt if there aren’t some hidden unspoken wishes for more…
@Janine – Thanks for stopping by! Always glad to have you!
I come from the school of thought that they are an X for a reason! I don’t think that the outcome of a wash, rinse, repeat relationship will be worth the investment of time, energy and emotions.
That being said…if she goes into it without much expectation than there may be no harm, no foul. Just an enjoyable ride down memory lane 🙂
BettyLou Nelson says
Thank you for sharing this story…..I am sure many of us have been in her shoes and wondered what to do….at first. Then after giving him the benefit of the doubt, spent a lunch or dinner with him and found out he was the same as before only with an agenda of his own that didn’t include her….or she was pleasantly surprised and found he was indeed changed and considered starting over…but if she was smart…slowly and carefully as she should with anyone.
I agree with Kelly, I have not had too much luck and the one time I thought I was having luck I found out my boyfriend was living with another girl who was also his girlfriend… ummm yeah, that just happened. But I do think it is possible and especially if each person has made meaningful changes in their own lives. But ultimately she must chose what feels right for her. It may not be meant for them to get married and have babies, but there may be something else she can learn, experience or grow from with reuniting.
Thanks so much @Marrie. Agreed… he’s called X for a reason…. That’s a tough one to get over…
@BettyLou: Thanks for your insight… definitely – proceeding with caution should be the drill.
@Angie: I’m hearing a common thread here… try to discover if the person has made meaningful changes, etc… watch and learn and proceed with caution.
Awesome advice ladies! xo