I originally covered this subject in a Video log (Vlog) post on YouTube (at *www.youtube.com/lisajeydavis). If you’ve followed along in my blog like an addict and read the post where I first introduced those Vlogs – you’ll know that I don’t like to share the Lisa Jey Davis’ stuff in here. Generally.
There are no cross-overs in Ms. Cheevious-land! She stays in her real-world, and I get to be ME, breaking all the rules, taking no prisoners and living out all my fantasies in peace. But she did “create” me. In fact, she is me. Well, a sweeter, less racy, more “Miss Manners” sort of me. So, here I am pimping her videos instead of mine. But I digress… The point is, this stuff is important, so the information in this video is coming to life right here on the blog.
When you get older — like, way past the 30’s and 40’s for most adults – there is this THING we all go through, and this, they DO tell us about in school. It’s called Menopause.
It’s such an ugly word – menopause. I’ve said it many times (though perhaps here it’s a first): Because Menopause is an ugly word, I’ve renamed it Orchids. We all know from school that everyone goes through “Orchids” when they get older. It’s a right of passage into our senior citizen years, much like Puberty (now called Daisies because Puberty is an awful, ugly word as well) is a right of passage from pre-teen into adulthood.
Let me make something very clear, before going on: I am too young for “Orchids.” The only reason I know anything about this, is because I was medically required to remove most of my female parts (see that post here), which thrust me suddenly and abruptly into Orchids. So, this is not just for senior citizens here, people. You TWENTY-SOMETHINGS should pay attention now, so you can move through life informed of what’s coming. Perhaps then you’ll choose to enjoy every moment while you still can. Seriously though, entering and enduring Orchids does NOT mean the end of the world or quality of life as you know it. Quite the contrary. I’m more comfortable in my own skin and happy with me than I’ve ever been. I’m still LOVING life, and enjoying every single moment. Anyone can.
Also, because I AM in Orchids, I am now an expert. Capiche?
The only real thing about Orchids they warned us about in school is that something hormonal happens which causes women to get bat-shit crazy and all “super-hormonal” up in the faces of everyone they know and love. My only experience with it before now was how my mom’s tone of voice became super shrill and freak-of-nature intense. That’s about it. Oh, and she cut her hair short.
What they don’t tell you about Orchids is that in many ways it’s very similar to Daisies. Here are a few of the take-aways:
1. It’s very similar to Daisies in that your skin changes.
2. Your hair changes (get ready people).
3. You’ll retain water on a daily basis (that is, if you must supplement your body with hormones – or Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)), and no matter what, you WILL gain weight, because your body goes into survival mode if it isn’t producing hormones anymore (for women, Estrogen & Progesterone) and holds onto fat cells, which happen to be the last remaining body component that has hormones in it. Yep. Pull out the fat clothes (at least until you figure it out and get things back to normal).
4. If you opt to do HRT, it can cause the dreaded — drum roll —
Eh… I don’t think I’ll tell you here. You’ll have to watch the following video to get the rest of the scoop on what they don’t tell us in school!! And there are some DOOZIES you’ll want to know about!
Trust me. Though it’s serious subject matter here, I think you’ll enjoy this video. You may even laugh just a little. If you don’t see the video viewer below, here is the link: http://youtu.be/J1B6IZ9f0uE
See? That was pretty painless, wasn’t it? And I am still here. I am not cutting my hair. We’re all okay here. There’s no need to panic.
If you happened to find this video funny, informative or helpful in anyway, feel free to share this post with your friends.
Tune in next time for tips on handling this lovely new information! If you haven’t already watched it in my vlogs, I’ll showcase it here. Soon, I’ll be talking about the Things Guys Secretly Wish About Women.
Love you people!!!!!!! Mmmmphhhhuuuhhhhh!!!
xoxo,
Ms. Cheevious
PS) Please check out and comment on the related vlog on YouTube here if you’d like.
*This channel is not to be confused with the Ms. Cheevious channel. Lisa Jey Davis’ vlogs on her channel regularly.
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I am here to confirm that our Ms. Cheevious is doin’ just fine…… As she was already pretty “bat-shit crazy” you can’t notice any change there 😉 (you know I mean that in a good way). And she doesn’t need “fat clothes” either….. I think this condition does something to your perception of yourself as much as anything else. Trust me though. As the chicken on the front lines of this…. Our girl is rockin’ “Orchids” like a champ……. Just don’t cross her.
HA! Thanks Nuggie! And I have to say for the benefit of those who comment after this, that when I read the comment and said out loud to Nuggie “Thanks honey for posting!” I laughed out loud at “Just don’t cross her…” So, Nuggie said somewhat sheepishly, “Is that an okay comment?” lol – and then “don’t want to cross you!” poor guy.
Ah.. what they don’t tell you in school makes you stronger. Could you imagine? PS You’re a beauty.
awe thanks @Chiara. Right back at ya! I tend to agree with you. I must have not learned much in school, because I’m pretty damn strong. LOL
If they taught you this shit in school we would be even more confused! Remember sex ed?
I would rather take notes on Orchids from you than a freaking, burnt-out PE teacher!
You’re stunning and Orchids never looked so good!
@Marrie – I never thought of it that way – and in that case, you are SO right. Thank you for pointing out what I’ve been saying all along – People need to listen to me. LOL. And you are so kind. Thank you so much!
Interesting. Thanks for sharing. I never thought about my mom going through menopause. It was something she never discussed with me, but I think she should have. I don’t think mothers and daughters talk enough about these types of things. It would have been nice to know what she was going through.
Neely
You’re welcome @Neely. And you’re correct. At least my mom’s generation did not talk about these types of things. And they relied on the school to tell me about puberty, etc. My parents never really had the “birds and the bees” talk with me. Interesting indeed..
I am here to confirm that our Ms. Cheevious is doin’ just fine…… As she was already pretty “bat-shit crazy” you can’t notice any change there (you know I mean that in a good way). And she doesn’t need “fat clothes” either….. I think this condition does something to your perception of yourself as much as anything else. Trust me though. As the chicken on the front lines of this…. Our girl is rockin’ “Orchids” like a champ……. Just don’t cross her.
HA! Thanks Nuggie! And I have to say for the benefit of those who comment after this, that when I read the comment and said out loud to Nuggie “Thanks honey for posting!” I laughed out loud at “Just don’t cross her…” So, Nuggie said somewhat sheepishly, “Is that an okay comment?” lol – and then “don’t want to cross you!” poor guy.