Sheila and I were talking about friendship. We are pretty lucky for ours. Especially in Los Angeles. People are flaky here. Okay – not to diss the people in LA. People are flaky everywhere. Real, true friendship is so rare and such a hot commodity, though, it’s something to talk about.
Our friend Glasgow (named as such for his Scottish heritage and accent) insists that all people in Los Angeles are flaky. He’s so bloody negative about it. You can’t really blame him, when you hear his story though! One New Year’s Eve after he’d just moved here, he had no plans. He was chatting with some friends who told him of and invited him enthusiastically to a party. They said they’d pick him up at a certain time and place, and planned to make a night of it. Glasgow got himself ready, was at the appointed place, on time, only to be stood up. It gets worse. His “friends” never returned his calls. Ever. He NEVER heard from them again. What is THAT all about? That’s just plain RUDE, isn’t it?
Do you think they died? HA HA. That IS the natural reaction among NORMAL, kind, caring and thinking people, isn’t it?
Hey, I’ve been victim myself here in LA. It dates all the way back to when I was only twenty years old. I was a single mom, living in Denver, when I decided to take a much needed vacation out to Los Angeles over the Fourth of July. I called up a childhood friend, Roseanne, who was my partner in crime growing up, when I came out to Southern California for the summers. We were both (presumably) excited about my coming out for the weekend. Roseanne even invited me to stay at her place, offering to pick me up at the airport.
On the flight over, being the amicable, friendly sort that I am, I made friends with a couple of guys on the plane. They were super sweet, super cute and gave me their phone numbers. They said to give them a call if my friends and I wanted to meet up in San Diego – their destination.
I arrived at LAX and waited FOUR hours, (having left repeated messages on an answering machine – hey – it was the early 80’s) before I finally had to call my brother who lived in Valencia county to come and pick me up. He was kind and gracious and offered for me to hang with he and his wife and kids for the weekend, (just what a single mom who’s free for the weekend wants to do) but I would have none of it. I called the two boys I’d met, and they drove all the way up to Valencia to pick me up. We drove down to San Diego in a cool convertible and partied all weekend with a big group of fun people.
That was one FLAKY situation that worked out to my BENEFIT! HA! Thanks Roseanne! Boy was THAT fun!
Oh – and there was another time flakiness worked in my favor. Not too long ago, all but two people I’d invited to a dinner party flaked. Because of that, I was able to go (with one of my guests) to the Santa Monica Pier, see Fallout Boy perform a surprise concert, and get into the Victoria’s Secret Pink Party. If my friends hadn’t flaked I may have never met Fred the Wonder Chicken, seen Fallout Boy at such a cool venue, or gotten free drinks at a Victoria’s Secret party! Now THAT was cool.
Hey! I have pretty good luck when people flake!
If you are new here, welcome! I am so glad you chose to stop by! We have fun in here, so watch out!
What do you think it is though, that makes people flake? Do you think they are just mushy and can’t be honest, or maybe they don’t know how to be honest, so they just lie about their plans in the first place, never intending to follow through? Maybe.
Listen to me. I know this to be true: LA is FULL of good, solid, quality people. It’s true! I know each of them. Ha ha! I’m just kidding. There are loads, and I am continually thoroughly pleased to meet them.
But I do have another theory. (Are you surprised?!)
Be afraid, people. Be very afraid. In the next few paragraphs, you may actually begin to think you have traveled or transported to some other blog. Don’t let the intelligent writing and sharp analysis of human behavior fool you. It is still me, Ms. Cheevious. I have learned over the years not to ignore, but to go with my feelings. Today I’m feeling REALLY INTELLECTUAL. Okay?
So, I think flakiness is more about the world we live in. We are spoiled. We have so many ways to connect with people, we can’t keep up! It’s really gotten pretty ridiculous over recent years, if you think about it!
In the beginning things were simpler. A man’s word was his word. If he said he’d be somewhere, he was there. That was back when people wouldn’t do business with you if you flaked. It was also when they used smoke signals to send messages.
After smoke signals, came the town crier, the stage coach, the US Postal Service, the telegraph and finally, the mother of all inventions in communications, the telephone. Ah, that long lost original mainstay of modern communication. Yes – these devices are still around and available today. I swear! I hear one ring from my kitchen wall every once in a while.
Since then we’ve become much more sophisticated in communications with conveniences like FedEx, and – of course – the Internet. Why, the Internet has alleviated our need to ever even leave our homes! People work from home, and surf the Internet ad nauseam. The networking sites like Myspace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Friendster are just a tiny microcosm of the thousands of connection sites out there! Imeen, Itunes and Napster (just to name a few) are there for sharing music, and Flicker, Kodak, PhotoBucket – or whatever – I don’t even know all the names of sites for sharing photos. Then you have dating sites like Match.com, EHarmony.com, J-Date, Fitness Singles, you name it. If you want to get connected, you can go to the Internet and get lost in a sea of virtual connections – which sometimes turn into like, real, actual, physical connections.
I won’t go on and on here, but there are all the other modes of communication consuming us as well, like cell phones, cell phone texts, email, instant messaging. It’s just CRAZY!
Hey – I admit it. When it comes to utilizing modern convenience to get my point across – I’m guilty as charged. I’ll even throw up a smoke signal if I think it’ll get some attention when I need it! As a matter of fact, I am known for my TEXTING capabilities. I’m an expert texter. I can send a text blind-folded, with one arm tied behind my back (ha ha).
But we are talking about flakiness, aren’t we? Well, that’s just my point!
I think all of this CONVENIENCE has made things, well, too convenient for people. They flutter around with little or no accountability, little or no responsibility to anyone or anything, and shun any sort of solid commitment. It’s almost like all that time on-line, virtually connecting and networking with people has caused them to get their wires crossed. Somehow now, even their plans or commitments are virtual. Their promise to meet your for a drink is just as VIRTUAL as the ELEPHANT they threw at someone on FACEBOOK (don’t ask). Why not? It’s CONVENIENT.
That said, is it possible that the convenience of the Internet has created or at the very least enabled an entire generation of flakes? Particularly in large cities like LA, where these networking websites and ways of making ourselves known on-line are the most successful?
Now don’t get your panties in a bunch. I know I took you around the block to get next door, but the truth is, flakiness among people goes way back – probably to the beginning of time. I’m sure Cro-Magnum Man had his share of hot cave chicks flake on him when it came time to let him clunk them on the head with his club and drag them by the hair back to the cave. Hey, whatever happened to that hair pulling, head clunking man, anyway? That’s a MAN’S MAN if there ever was one, but I digress. (hee hee, just kidding. I like to be cherished, I really do. It’s just that well, I like to have fun too, but again, I digress).
I admit. I don’t have the answers to the compelling question of the Flakes in LA, or anywhere else for that matter. But I don’t think about it too much, really. Remember? I have GREAT things happen when people flake! Why do I care? ha ha!
I’ll share with you one of my personal mottos – which I truly do believe: “You never know what’s coming around the corner.” Deep, huh? Well it’s true. People can flake, and open up a world of other possibilities! So just get out their and enjoy every single stinkin’ moment, would you?
Love you people! Mmmmmmphhhuuuhhhh!!
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Blog content copyright 2008, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious
Linda Sherman says
Very interesting post about Los Angeles. I must admit I have had some flake experiences here myself.
I hope we can create an atmosphere in Los Angeles where some genuine and reliable friendships can develop.
I think people really are more flaky in LA for some reason. Not sure why I think that- because I have only been there twice but…
it’s kind of the impression I get, I suppose.
Maureen Veto says
Wow what a great topic of conversation. My thoughts on the subject are somewhat unique since I was actually born and raised here. Most people dream of coming to Hollywood, Or Malibu and Beverly Hills… Those are the people that are always waiting for the next BETTER THING TO DO. I actually had a friend tell me once, “sure, if nothing else better comes up”… (haha and I don’t mean you Lisa!)
Technology has created a distance between us that may never be repaired. Considering that we are a people consumed with emailing, blogging, bluetooth wearing, BUSY people! We don’t leave the opportunity for the random chance meeting because we need never be alone. Just pop on your walk man and away you go. Bored? call or text a friend. Play a video game or better yet watch a dating show on MTV. I am unfortunately hooked to the technology too. After all, I did meet my boyfriend on Match.com… 2 years going strong.
weird world… thanks Lisa
I once had someone stand me up at a CHILI’S – tell me that’s not shameful! I spoke to a friend of mine about this he said… “L.A. is like candyland for men, the women here will do anything and not blink and eye. so you just role on to the next shinny object.” I realized how completely right he was, and remember the distinct feeling that I was going to either burst out crying or throw up… possibly both – god forbid.
There are some really good people here that are from here. The wants that aren’t need to catch them after their fancy with the lights and action have dried up.
Oh my god. What wonderfully incredible comments! Thanks Linda for the high hopes.
Matt – true to form – and thank you so much for coming over, and shining your light on the subject! HA HA
Momo (Maureen) – How very insightful. Will you write my blog for me sometime!? Your beautiful spirit comes through so clearly – so wise, true and real. xoxo
Girl rude is all that it is! Waiting for the next best thing instead of enjoying what is right in front of you, I wonder if they ever realize just what they have missed. I don’t think people have manners anymore, plain and simple. Remember when we were kids, one of the golden rules was ” do what you say you’re going to do” It’s that simple! I have lived all over this great country, people are basically the same, you just need to find and suround yourself with the kind of people with the same value system as yours. Good luck in the pursuit. Miss you,Love you,Laura
Whooee, I agree. It’s just too easy to up and cancel plans these days. heh.
I am pretty darn good about not backing out of plans I’ve made. But I am sorely tempted a lot. This is because I’m a natural loner, I think. I enjoy spending time alone and I sometimes get cranky at a commitment. Weird, huh? It makes me want to flake. But I don’t because I know darn well that I’m happier when I go do something.
Having said that, I hit my limit with someone else flaking. I was seeing someone who flaked so much on everything – not just things with me. It was so annoying, I just could take it.
Good entry, Missy Pancakes.
Laura: You got that right – RUDE. Kind and responsible are rarities.
Random: I LOVE NICKNAMES! And Missy Pancakes? ooooh. Like that. xoxo
l.a. is the capitol of flake. I have had the hardest time making friends here. In addition people think of me as being rude since I am so blunt with people. People in L.A. to me are not real at all and I am from Detroit originally and grew up mainly between there New York and Maryland and I do not beat around the bush with people in L.A. at all. I will tell you to your face if I don’t like you and the phonier and the faker people become here the realer and more direct I become. I cant stand people in L.A. I am here strictly for the weather and the income and the nice mountain views. Other than that L.A. sucks. I prefer New York except for the weather.
I couldn’t read the entire entry! NO time at the moment. But I read enough to say – you are awesome and yes, the people in LA are flakes. Actually – as a Midwesterner – I would argue that everyone in CA has a few screws loose. And they’re oh so dramatic about everything.
Drives me nuts!
Sorry Cali folk.