Just a little encouragement here people – from me to you:
In follow up to my “Relationship Whispering,” article (because some misunderstood that article to be the “how to nab a guy in four easy steps” article)… I cannot stress more the REAL point: You are awesome, so fill your time and energy with more of the awesome things you do. Live your life to the fullest, baby.
If you aren’t as “awesome” as you think you can be, spend your time and energy getting there. And stop worrying about or spinning your wheels, expending countless amounts of hard-earned energy over “getting” something (or someone), and turn your focus onto YOU.
Basically, take a CHILL PILL folks.
Having exactly what you think you want will do you no good unless YOU are in the healthiest, happiest place possible on this planet (and no, that is not Disneyland). It isn’t always a “relationship” we long for, but for the sake of continuity from my last article, I’ll use it as my first example.
When women (especially on the younger side) start “seeing” someone and find they want more, they often spend their energy unwisely… especially in the early stages…
Is this a “thing?”
Should I call him?
Does he still like me romantically?
Why didn’t he call? Did I do something wrong? Am I not pretty enough?
Are there any other obsessive questions I can ask and spend my days/nights/weekends worrying about?
We all do this folks, even if it’s really about our next career goal, or even… maybe…. a book deal… or something. We all find ourselves spending too much time (and valuable energy) WISHING or thinking about it, when we simply should get on with LIVING.
I’m so bummed I can’t afford this condo that’s for sale. I’m such a loser without enough money.
I wonder what kind of job I would need to be able to afford it? I wonder if I’m even good enough to get such a job?
Maybe I’ll keep playing the lottery, and since I have the best intentions to save humanity, I will win, and can have that condo (and three more if I wish).
If only I knew the right people, maybe my whole world and job would be different and I would be able to afford that condo.
My “whispering” article which so aptly detailed scenarios I hear every day and have lived myself, was intended to make clear that you must LEARN and HOLD FAST to a completely DIFFERENT mindset.
In order to find and hold fast to a new mindset, you truly must TURN YOUR FOCUS from all of those types of thoughts listed above, to more appropriate things like…
“I’m excited about who I am and for the potential for greatness I possess!”
“What type of person do I want to be when I DO reach this goal?”
“How can I get there?”
“What list of things did I do this week that I can be proud of?”
“I think I must do more of THAT. Let me put more of THAT on my schedule.”
“I deserve some alone or ME time… I will pamper myself a little.”
“I’ll read more so I am the well-read, educated person I want to be.”
“I’ll get a weekly massage or stretch out for _____minutes a day to relax my muscles.”
“What, if anything, should I add to my world to become the person I want to be?”
“Should I learn more skills or find a place where I can practice my new mad-skills?”
“Are my friends healthy and supportive? Should I get out and make/cultivate new friendships?”
“Should I network more to meet colleagues in my field or interest areas?”
“Maybe I will take a cooking class… Learn to play polo… ride a horse.”
“Who are the wonderful people in my life, and how have I been treating them? Have I focused on them lately?”
Obviously these are just a few examples of other, healthier thoughts. A different – healthier mindset is the KEY to your GOLDEN city of dreams people. But turning our focus when we really want something (or someone) or “Intend” to achieve something, is no easy task. It’s not that the “Thing” we want shouldn’t or won’t happen or be “ours.” It’s not that we shouldn’t take necessary steps to make things happen, or that we aren’t going to “get” there. I am NOT saying to lose your goals. I am saying there are always elements in every situation that are beyond your control. You only have control over YOU and your responses.
So, THAT is where my list of tools from the Relationship Whispering article come in. How do we apply them to other situations? Well, here is one way:
Write down a “thing” you want – your GOAL (relationship/friendship, job, record label contract, book deal, three-picture deal, car, whatever). Then make a list of healthy approaches designed to fill your time…approaches that are related to you and that “thing” and are intended to make you even MORE awesome than you already are (in the case of Mr. Gorgeous: Make a list of things you can enjoy on your own – see movies, go to nice dinners, get friends together for fun interesting events). Plain English: SET YOUR GOAL and instead of a plan of attack, list things you plan to do for yourself to keep you healthy and make you more awesome while you try to achieve your goal. Do more for yourself than you do toward your goal.
When something you want doesn’t happen (your dream home is for sale again and it’s still out of your reach, the guy didn’t call, the book isn’t published, the producer didn’t hire you for the gig, fill in the blank), write a new list of related healthy, proactive things you can do to build the best you EVER (learn that foreign language, practice making Origami creatures, start a daily gymnastics regimen, begin saving clippings of your favorite interior designs, whatever). Then when the time comes that you DO reach said goal (or move-on entirely – as may be the case with that dream gig/job/house/guy/girl) you’ll be anything BUT ill-prepared, and happier for it. Plain English: BE PREPARED with an arsenal of healthy responses and even more love for “you” if and when you encounter set backs.
You never have to lose or let go of your goals. But your desires may change, especially as you continue to grow and become the person of your dreams.
FOCUS on what REALLY matters:
YOU people. You.
Most of all CHILL OUT. RELAX.
You are becoming more incredible by the moment.
Love you people!!!! Mmmmmpppphhhuuuhhhh!!!!!
aka Lisa Jey Davis
Editor in [Mis]Chief
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Well said and you echo the words of the smartest person I ever knew – my sister! She used to tell me to “chill out and relax” all the time. And..”get over it” – miss those talks. Happy to hear it from you though. Thanks for this and I am taking your advice. On another note – having the house cleansed and a medium on Tuesday!! Hugs n KISSEZZ.
Ms. Cheevious says
YAY!! I am SO glad you can use this stuff @melanyb12:disqus! ROFL! Have a great week. XOXO
Elyse Salpeter says
I studied buddhism for a bit and self happiness was always a key thing they spoke about. We can always “wish for the guy, that new electronic, that beach house” but if we’re not happy first with ourselves, nothing will matter, because once you GET that new thing, you’re left still with “yourself” and your unattained desires. Great article.
Ms. Cheevious says
Mmmmphhhuuhhh Elyse! you get it. xo
Alan Tucker says
I’ve always thought that we can’t be truly happy with someone else until we’re happy with ourselves. Work on being a better “you” and you’ll be ready for the opportunities when they come along. 🙂 Great post!
Ms. Cheevious says
thanks Alan! XO
Thanks for the exegesis, really. By sheer coincidence last week a financial advisor I subscribe to (email) referenced and excerpted motivational text from another author who has written regarding “The Simple Daily Practice (or Why .Do So Many People Want to Die).” The thoughts are right up your alley! It’s too long for including here so I’ll forward the email to you. I’m glad you whisperers can actually speak a little louder for us hard of understanding. All the best.
Ms. Cheevious says
Eaeme – I must say after last week’s comment I thought I’d lost you. LOL!!! Thanks! How’s the knee by the way? Going to classes much?
Not Too Serious says
Knee is iffy. Had three cortisone shots which hides the discomfort but leaves me worried about hidden damage. Have held off going back but bought 10 classes anticipating a return in not too distant future. As they say, “Wish you were here,” could use a thoughtful trainer.
Luann Robinson Hull says
This was an outstanding article… funny how this works, but my article today was very synergistic at http://www.whatagem.wordpress.com. Check it out! Love this!
Ms. Cheevious says
loved your article… xoxo thank you for the comment!
Single Dating Diva says
Great advice! You’re right … sometimes we lose focus or, worse, we’re so focused on one thing that we don’t notice everything else going on around us. The world is such an amazing place, why not explore new things even if it deviates from our original plan/goal. I didn’t end up where I thought I would be right now in my life, but, I’m ok with that, I’ve realized I’ve become a much better person who is true to herself and THAT is the best gift of all. Great post!!
Ms. Cheevious says
thank you divalicious lady! so good to see you! xoxo