Letting Go of Control, and other Pish Posh

I went to Denver, CO this weekend to retrieve my twelve year old son, who’d been at sleep-away camp for three weeks.   I was also responsible to pick up his friend who’d been at camp with him.  It was a little bittersweet, because my son, who has been working all year to prove he is mature enough to move to New Mexico and live with his dad for a one year trial, was so excited to get back and move on with his life.  So much so, that he didn’t even want to take one last “road trip” with me to Los Angeles, the land of fun and entertainment!  He just wanted to get to New Mexico. It was all he could talk about!

In hindsight, I should have known it would come some day. From birth, my little boy had an affinity for his dad.  His dad was one person who could stop the unexplained crying.  When we went through the divorce, my son was never the same.  The star soccer player became lethargic and didn’t seem to care any more.  Things were just plain sad for him.  This is the reason I agreed to let my little guy move away from me…  though rip my heart out it did.

Nevertheless, I picked up my son and his friend, and we stayed the night at a hotel in Denver, where we checked in and walked to a nearby theatre to catch a movie.  I’m glad we did.  If for nothing else, I received great peace of mind knowing I was doing something special with my son before he left, and since he didn’t want to take a road trip with me, this was “it” essentially.

Well, this morning, I was awakened by a phone call from my son’s dad.  Today is Wednesday, and my ex had predicted he would drive into town around 10 AM to load my son’s belongings up and head back to New Mexico.  It was 7 am, and my ex-husband was already in town. I was frantic.

I hadn’t even drawn up our little “Extended Visitation” agreement we were to sign and get notarized!  Not only that, I just wasn’t ready.  I’d planned on taking my son to breakfast and snuggling him (both physically and emotionally) before he left.  This put a kink – to say the least – into all those plans.

Let me just say that I am definitely a PLANNER.  I like to know what’s happening and when.  I’m not an obsessive compulsive planner.  I can change plans, as long as I’m informed of the changes.

The greatest lesson in all of this for me was that not only was I faced with relinquishing the day-to-day control I had over my son’s schedule, lifestyle, etc… but that TODAY was the day of my initiation!  My son was now going to live with a man whose unpredictable behaviour can be counted on!  Could I let this happen?  Well, I was letting it happen, wasn’t I?  Now that it’s over and in the past, there’s nothing to do about it, right?

All of this brings to mind that whole concept of “If you love someone, set them free…”  Isn’t that just stupid?  If a person wants freedom, they should expect it, and require it.  And if they don’t get it from a certain relationship, they’ll move on.  Then that whole thing about them coming back to you..  It’s just PISH POSH, as my mom would say… at least in many respects.  My son hasn’t left ME, per se, so there’s no setting free, or hoping he comes back to me.  He’s simply made the choice to try his hand at living with his dad.  He’s still my son. I still love him, and he still loves me.

All I know is that today I am, for the first time in my son’s life, NOT living with my son.  At least for now.  I have let go of the major part of control.  If that means I’ve set my son free, well, then I suppose that is what I have done.  He’s got another thing coming though if he think life with his dad is going to be “free”.  ha ha…

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Cheevious