Please accept my apology for this post in advance.
I just spent the last few minutes perusing the internet. In those few moments I bounced from badly written article to uninteresting (and badly written) blog post. Basically, I wasted the past few moments.
I suppose it’s not a total waste. Perhaps there is a slight glimmer of hope in the very fact that people are still writing. I should be thankful for that.
But I am not.
I’ve scanned the entire canvas of my soul to determine what has become of the person who looked at the bright side of every story, of every dilemma, but I’m just plain tired (Is this a recurring theme in my posts of late, and a sign it’s quite simply just time for a good, long nap?). I don’t want to have to work to see the good in articles and posts I read. And I certainly don’t want to have to use a protractor and my miniscule knowledge of calculus to connect the dots in the story. I want those damn dots to jump up and sing to me.
So – here is my earth-shattering Thanksgiving post:
I’m thankful I’m here to write for you. As egotistical and self-serving as it sounds, I’m sorry, but it’s true. I worked long and hard through my schooling (both private and public) to actually learn this beautiful, if not perplexing language of English. I learned to conjugate verbs, spell and utilize commas appropriately. I memorized the differences between homonyms like your and you’re, their, there and they’re, and I diagrammed sentences until I was literally dreaming about them. I paid my dues and it stuck. I couldn’t properly diagram a sentence today if you paid me… not without a refresher course… but I learned how to put sentences together and what made them good, strong sentences… which is all that matters now.
So when I read something, anything, and the message is lost amid butchered language (slang and obvious artistic license aside) it makes me sad. Scratch that. It pisses me off.
So, I’m glad I’m here to write for you people… even if only five people actually take the time to read the words here on this page. If it ignites a fiery passion and encourages only one of those five to choose this wondrous medium from which to communicate their story… their adventure… well then it’s well worth it. Perhaps that person will go on to write posts whose dots sing and dance on the page. Perhaps those waltzing dots will inspire more, and a cycle of great writing will begin anew for upcoming generations.
Listen. I am not here to say that great writers of today are extinct. I’m here to say I’m tired of coming upon horrible writing, and from trusted sources, websites and magazine. It’s just enough to make me take my ball and go home.
Someone help me! If this keeps up, my skepticism and disillusionment over bad writing is sure to progress into skepticism and disillusionment over all of human-kind… and do you know what that means? I may be in danger of becoming a ….
It’s about damn time too, after all my years of being Emily English Expert and Little Miss F*^#KIN’ Sunshine about it.
Dammit! You see? It’s already happening.
If I’m not careful I may RECEIVE some of my own HUMBUG SCHMUMBUG items from my store (it seems eons ago that I painted this… though it was just a few weeks ago):
I’ve only provided the link above, in the event you feel that purchasing something from the Humbug Schmumbug shop might improve my mood or turn things around for me. It might.
Feel free to also send me links to worthy articles, but please be sure they’re written exceedingly abundantly well. I’m like a freaking fairy. If you believe in me you will send me great articles, and I will live. Otherwise, I’ll die a slow painful death.
That’s it. I’m done.
You may go about your business.
Have a great week everyone!
Love you people! Mmmmphhhuuuhhh!!!!
Editor in [Mis}Chief
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