Yesterday I went into the bathroom and almost peed through my cute little undies. This was not a move of desperation, like oh my god, I gotta go so bad, I’m gonna’ pee my pants. No, I simply forgot to drop my drawers.
Thank god I realized what was happening before I embarrassed myself, but this thing got me thinking.
First, I thought Damn hormones… so this is what it means when it says hormone replacement therapy can cause dementia? That’s it. I’m going off hormones, even if it means I’ll be a shriveled up old lady before I’m fifty.
But wait, there’s more. Though most times it’s the lack of hormones that causes weigh gain in women, hormones are also partly to blame for fighting my every effort to stay fit, lean and GOH-JUSS. Stupid, bi-polar hormones. And when I say fight, I mean they fight me like a bulldog that has a hold of a chunk of steak. You gotta surgically remove the steak from that dog’s mouth.
Like that.
And yes, pun intended. I have seriously considered lipo.
So, BONUS. Without hormones, I’d be a skinny, shriveled prune before I’m fifty.
As I pondered what was (or wasn’t) going on in my mind when I almost peed my panties, I had an epiphany.
There are a boatload of stories that have been played out in movies, on television and in books of elderly people who forget where they are or can’t find their way home. These are the stories of people with dementia, and I thought, IT’S JUST LIKE THAT.
Going to the bathroom is something so familiar we don’t have to “think” about it. It comes by ROTE, as does driving home, remembering our phone number or ATM pin.
I said to Nuggie “You know I’ve enjoyed our time together. So as long as you don’t mind when I become a skinny wrinkly mess, we’re good. Because when my ROTE goes, it’s all over.”
I was pretty damn proud of my discovery too. GOD I am good. I wonder if neuro or geriatric surgeons realize this? I know they talk about short term memory loss, but have they really analyzed this shit? Have they factored in the ROTE?
What about the ROTE FACTOR?
ROTE you guys! I can’t live without that at such a young age!
Then I realized how utterly Lucille Ball-esque this situation was. So what if I sat down on the toilet and almost peed through my lacey thong? It’s not the first time I’ve done something and reminded myself of the brilliant redheaded comedienne in the sky (minus the brilliant and of course, the sky part). She would totally be all over this piece of work if she were still living today. Maybe not the peeing part, but the FUNNY, people. The funny.
So I decided to give this hormone replacement therapy thing a while to find its sea legs. But I won’t let it go on forever, that’s for damn sure. Because you guys, if I go out of the house naked one day, you’ll be responsible for taking care of me.
You’re good with that, right?
Mwahahahah-love this post. Hilarious and poignant. As a child I was dreamy and forgot things all the time, so I am used to having minimal ROTE. Lol. Maybe there is a natural hormone replacement option (that may be an utterly stupid comment, I know nothing about the topic) that works bettah! xo
Ahhh yes H… I’ve researched and studied and searched high and low for naturals that works as effectively as bioidentical Rx’s… No dice. But way to try and help me out lovey!! Always good to see you! XO
Always good to find the funny Lisa!
Thanks Shammy! Thanks for reading & commenting. Always love it when my peeps talk to me here! xoxo
I still have my ROTE but thanks for giving my something else to worry about along with this mornings dead brain syndrome. Keep looking for that natural solution and clue me in when you find it.
haha Onisha! That’s just one of the little things I realized… We are ALL going to start to lose our memory as we age, but I just think it has more to do with ROTE than anything else. LOL And there are plenty of natural solutions… all coming in my book “Getting Over Your Ovaries”
Hilarious! We can always count on you to make us laugh on a Monday. Men really don’t know how good they have things do they?
No Rebekah they do not. They most certainly do not.
So funny! I think you definitely should give it a try, but I understand your pain. They put me on Prednisone once, high dose, to get rid of a terribly poison ivy rash. The first day on it I “lost” my car in the parking lot and put a load of clothes in the dryer for an hour, without the clothes! Hopefully your body will all kick in together soon, and if not? Not so bad, excuse to get new fancy shmancy undies!
ha! Well I can always get new fancy shmancy undies Elyse! But that’s a great idea for an excuse… “uhhhh… yeah… I think I forgot to drop my drawers again… yeah, that’s it… gotta buy these expensive undies now… ” LOL!!!