This week’s post is going to be a little different. I am going to be extremely raw and open, refraining from berating, belittling or bedazzling anything or anyone I speak of. Sound impossible for a fun-loving Ms. Cheeviouslike me? Well, just you wait and see!
If you are new here, welcome! I am so glad you stopped by! Normally these posts are filled with funny musings on life, love and relationships. Not today. Read on.
I’ve been living in Los Angeles since May 13th of this year. I moved here, because I am a city girl, and it feels like home to me. When I was gone, I missed my home. It was a declaration of independence of sorts, as well. I guess I felt I was losing myself and my independence to a place that didn’t feel like home, and I had to put a stop to it – and fast.
Now that I have been here, love it as I may, I am conflicted and sad, and unsure. I feel as though in moving, I may have torn away some of the threads that make up pieces of who I am. As if, even though I’ve woven a beautiful quilt made up of several layers and shapes, somehow, some of the very fabric that was a part of me was destroyed in the process.
I am a rational girl. I know, in my mind, that this is simply not true. I’ve not torn or destroyed anything. I am happy, healthy – a world of opportunities open to me now that I am home. And, isn’t it true that everything happens for a reason? There are no regrets, only lessons, right? Didn’t a wise woman once say that? (Well, Jennifer Aniston did – oops – sorry that slipped – hee hee). Mark Twain did say this, “There is no failure, there are no accidents, and there are no mistakes. They are all learning experiences and stepping-stones.”
The thing that makes this whole amalgamation of feelings so difficult is that I cannot come up with an answer. I don’t have a simple excuse for why this is happening. You know how sometimes you can say, “Listen girl. You screwed up! Admit it!” and the friend in question can admit it and take the appropriate steps to rectify the situation. Not so, in the here and now. I can’t say that I screwed up – only that I have a deep sense of loss along with the good. I’ve not divined yet whether or not the gains outweigh the losses. And if they do not, I have no idea just what my plan or next step would be.
You know, since we are talking about these things – Independence and such – and it IS Independence Day weekend – let’s hear how our Forefathers imagined what independence was:
We hold these truths to be sacred & undeniable; that all men are created equal & independant, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent & inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, & liberty, & the pursuit of happiness.
The fact of the matter is that Independence, personal identity, life, liberty, etc. etc, though incredibly important- can trample so many other important things in life, if we are not careful. We must be extremely vigilant to guard those things (loyalty, friendship, respect, and many others) with the same diligence and dogma, if we are to be truly happy, at peace and free.
I am feeling very introspective today, can you tell? HA HA! Perhaps it is because my birthday is coming next week. Yep. I don’t mind. I love my life, at any age. I see it as being just one step closer to earning the respect of all those young whipper-snappers in the world today! I am a Cancer – a water sign. Good for living near the water, for sure. As a matter of fact, all three of my signs (sun, rising and moon) are water signs.
As I work through my own personal tidal wave of emotions, I will keep each of you in my thoughts. I’ll leave you with a song for the weekend. It’s a beautiful song, and some of you know it:
Have an incredibly peaceful and happy Independence Day.
Love you people! Mmmmmmphhhhuuhhhhh!
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