Welcome to Ms. Cheevious-land, where some posts are more “Ms. Cheevious” than others… Some can even be downright offensive… This could be one of those.
Particularly if you are a member of my family. But know this: you have been warned. And I’m NOT kidding.
And to you females out there, just remember: don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.
So here goes!
List of electronic devices that give pleasure:
1) The Television
2) The iPod
3) The Computer (for some)
4) The Massage Chair, and
5) The Rabbit (if you do not know what a Rabbit is, now is the time to stop reading).
Four out of five of these devices utilize quality control personnel in the development process. That is, people who test the device before it goes to market, to be sure it is
a) truly meeting the customer’s need,
b) functioning properly,
c) achieving the customer’s desired goal(s), and
d) is durable and built to last for a reasonable amount of time.
I have to say I am reasonably satisfied with the first four electronic devices on the list. But what, might I ask, happened to number 5?
For GODSAKES PEOPLE, don’t the makers of these devices know that if they actually made Rabbits according to the criteria above, their sales would skyrocket, PMS would become the stuff of legends, and the term “bitch” would actually be used to refer only to female dogs. And besides, we all know that when women are happy, the whole world rejoices.
Just think about. A Rabbit should
a) help women see the face of god quicker, reach nirvana, or fill in the blank;
b) do what it is suppose to do based on the features on the box;
c) provide that “pleasure” (see “devices that give pleasure” list above) in the absence of a man, in the presence of a boring man, or during football season (hey I’m not only thinking of myself here); and
d) be durable… REALLY DURABLE… and last for a reasonable amount of time.
What is a “reasonable amount of time”, you might ask? Twenty minutes about four times a week for at least three years. I think that’s fair.
But no. Apparently there are no test marketers for vibrators, at least from what I can tell. And so, with great personal sacrifice, I am now dedicating my life to ensuring that quality, durability, and product satisfaction go hand-in-hand with the mighty Rabbit… and when they build the monument to me, let them say “She did it not for herself, nor for the battery companies, but for her sisters around the world and the men they stopped annoying.”
Yes, I will spend the rest of my days testing these devices, and ensuring world peace.
As you hum my theme song, please feel free to provide your list of demands, and I will take them into consideration while conducting my research.
Long Live the Rabbit!
Love you people! Mmmmmphhhuuuhhhhh!!!
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Blog content copyright 2009, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious
I feel it is my duty to respond since you said you AREN’T JUST thinking about yourself (thank you for that by the way) however, that means that you ARE thinking about yourself. This leads me to a quandary.
Let’s review here:
(1) we know you HAVE a man (shout out to MC Nugget)and
(2) it IS football season (hide the remote or make MC turn off the TV — unless of course if it’s a Pats game…hehe)
(3) in the presence of a boring man (it seems mysterious to me that you emphasized this one in two places …hhhmm (really???? MC Nugget doesn’t sound boring at all) I think you need to address this reference since he might take offense — unless you want to HAVE TO USE THESE DEFECTIVE PRODUCTS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!! not!!
My suggestion – put the energizer bunny’s batteries on your Christmas list…
p.s. I’m sure there are women following your blog (like myself) who would be more than willing to help you test ALL such products like consumer reports does —
LADIES whose with me on this?
OMG! How true that is. Long live the Rabbit!
Kris – what I meant by not thinking only of me, is that SOME of my girls out there are football season widows and feel abandoned during football season — THEY need a little Rabbit action… while I am certainly not in that group, I had to address it. Same with the boring guy syndrome… had to be addressed, cuz – hey – we’ve ALL been there – well, mostly all… but that’s it! M.C. is quite the contrary.. thank you very much! HEH HEH.. and I will keep you all posted, I’m sure I could use some help! ha ha
Yes Rosie – long live the Rabbit, indeed!
Tiffany Bowlin says
AMEN! That is all! See family can still comment!
Ladies — there is a hilarious scene from Sex & the City featuring our fav Rabbit — including a Rabbit intervention LOL. It can be found on the
website in case any of you missed in on the actual episode (How could you? I mean really, it’s sex in the city!!!)
dear kris… i am in no need of an intervention. quite the opposite.. the rabbit companies need my help. OBVIOUSLY. ha ha
Tiffany – yes – some family are so cooooool xoxo
Well, it’s true, you DID warn us – hahahaha!!! I cannot keep myself from reading your blogs, regardless.
BTW – I LOVE the banner ad for Red Carpet PR Express!!! VERY nice!