Welcome to Ms. Cheevious-land, where some posts are more “Ms. Cheevious” than others… Some can even be downright offensive… This could be one of those.
Particularly if you are a member of my family. But know this: you have been warned. And I’m NOT kidding.
And to you females out there, just remember: don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.
So here goes!
List of electronic devices that give pleasure:
1) The Television
2) The iPod
3) The Computer (for some)
4) The Massage Chair, and
5) The Rabbit (if you do not know what a Rabbit is, now is the time to stop reading).
Four out of five of these devices utilize quality control personnel in the development process. That is, people who test the device before it goes to market, to be sure it is
a) truly meeting the customer’s need,
b) functioning properly,
c) achieving the customer’s desired goal(s), and
d) is durable and built to last for a reasonable amount of time.
I have to say I am reasonably satisfied with the first four electronic devices on the list. But what, might I ask, happened to number 5?
For GODSAKES PEOPLE, don’t the makers of these devices know that if they actually made Rabbits according to the criteria above, their sales would skyrocket, PMS would become the stuff of legends, and the term “bitch” would actually be used to refer only to female dogs. And besides, we all know that when women are happy, the whole world rejoices.
Just think about. A Rabbit should
a) help women see the face of god quicker, reach nirvana, or fill in the blank;
b) do what it is suppose to do based on the features on the box;
c) provide that “pleasure” (see “devices that give pleasure” list above) in the absence of a man, in the presence of a boring man, or during football season (hey I’m not only thinking of myself here); and
d) be durable… REALLY DURABLE… and last for a reasonable amount of time.
What is a “reasonable amount of time”, you might ask? Twenty minutes about four times a week for at least three years. I think that’s fair.
But no. Apparently there are no test marketers for vibrators, at least from what I can tell. And so, with great personal sacrifice, I am now dedicating my life to ensuring that quality, durability, and product satisfaction go hand-in-hand with the mighty Rabbit… and when they build the monument to me, let them say “She did it not for herself, nor for the battery companies, but for her sisters around the world and the men they stopped annoying.”
Yes, I will spend the rest of my days testing these devices, and ensuring world peace.
As you hum my theme song, please feel free to provide your list of demands, and I will take them into consideration while conducting my research.
Long Live the Rabbit!
Love you people! Mmmmmphhhuuuhhhhh!!!
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