I’LL BE SEARCHING ‘TIL I’M DEAD
So, Nuggie and I were driving the other day and it was one of those idiot-heavy days on the roads of Southern California; the kind that have become the norm rather than the exception, much to our frustration. As we drove, I showed Nuggie a short cut I often take, and suddenly we entered an alternate universe, where every single driver was ON IT. These drivers KNEW the deal and were driving, well, responsibly. They were driving the speed limit, using turn signals, and being courteous to the other drivers around them. It was so refreshing, I said “OH.MY.GOD this is a total IDIOT FREE ZONE!” We were both finally able to breathe, the laughter returning to the little road haven we know as Nuggie’s car.
We started to talk about it and realized that Idiot Free Zones (#IFZ’s in case you want to tweet that) are a rare and hot commodity everywhere these days. Think about it. Almost any place you go there are idiots ruining the experience. Your day, your drive, your flight, your dining experience… hell, even your online, Facebook or Twitter experiences are hacked daily by people who either truly don’t know how, are too lazy and selfish to do things the way they should, or they just don’t give a damn.
When I think for too long of all of the idiots out there ruining people’s lives, I have to hold my breath until I turn blue to keep from going on a rampage like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. I am at high risk for getting seriously agitated and it’s these kinds of thoughts that cause mental decline. No, really. That’s a thing. And I’m sort of attached to my mental wellbeing, so I tell my story and of my pain here, to let go and let blog.
After a quick collaboration, we were able to name a bundle of Multiple Idiot Zones (#MIZ’s if you’d like to tweet that) to avoid, and I’ll list them here for you. I know you’re no idiot and can appreciate it, so read on, and AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE, or gird yourself with some extra special mental armor before going there (stay tuned for my post listing some of the best idiot free zones in Los Angeles).
I tell my story and of my pain here, to let go and let blog
Here are a few “Multiple Idiot Zone’s” to Avoid for Your Mental Health and Wellbeing
The first two involve driving, because living here in Los Angeles, Nuggie and I are experts. And seriously? Were none of these people required to pass a driving test? Did someone send out a memo that the use of a blinker is no longer required? Didn’t their driving school teach them to practice defensive driving and to be kind on the road? All bets are off when things get congested. That’s when idiots go berserk.
- THE ROAD: Most any road with construction, a road leading to a popular event (just before the event and immediately following), any road that lies in the vortex of a tourist trap, or main thoroughfares during rush hour traffic. Note to idiots: Go back to driving school. I’m petitioning our government to require people be quizzed every year about common courtesy and regular driving practices. If they get one wrong, they will get their license revoked until they can drive in traffic with a driving school teacher and prove they know how to handle it like a pro. There are just too many freaked out people in this world. We don’t need any more reason to freak.
- INTERSTATE 405: During any type of construction, during rush hour (which is any time other than between 1 and 4 AM) and at any popular interchange (at the I-10 intersection for example). Note to idiots: AVOID the freeway at all costs. Just don’t go there. NO IDIOTS ALLOWED.
- ON THE INTERNET: This includes idiots who are trolling about looking for articles to comment or argue about, people who hijack your post on Facebook to start a conversation or promote their political and/or religious agendas, and those who simply don’t bother to take the time to understand or learn this new medium that now RUNS OUR PLANET, before jumping in and posting status updates for all to see, speaking solely to some unknown “Bob” person… like “Bob, I don’t see it” (that one is just for laughs, really. We all know someone like that, and they’re usually senior citizens (god help us all if they’re in their thirties and working a tech job), and have already lost some of their marbles if they do those kinds of posts. Frankly it’s kind of cute.) Note to idiots: Do us all a favor and wrap your brain around what is really going on online. Don’t think that you can make comments that are totally self-serving and not be blocked. You will get yours, trust me. But I have a solution about this for we NON IDIOTS: Do as I do. If idiots post anything like that here on the blog or to my social media accounts, I smile, nod and hit the block button. Do that for yourself. DO THAT FOR THE REST OF US.
- IN FLIGHT: Especially on the red-eye, which tend to be the more affordable flights. Listen: Air travel has become more common place than we ever imagined. When the first flights became available, it was a special occasion and people dressed up to get on board. They were on their best behavior. Hell, I was just a baby during that time, but we’ve gone the opposite extreme. Now, people get on board and it’s a captive audience. Those same idiots that hijack your Facebook posts will hijack your peace of mind, you’re personal space, your reading time, writing time, or more importantly YOUR SLEEPING TIME. And please people, learn how to parent before you bring a child on board who will kick the seat repeatedly, pull the person’s hair in front of them, and scream bloody murder when told no. Do us all a favor. Take the bus.
I could go on. There are idiots everywhere. In fact, we’re suffering an infestation of idiots, people. But alas, I fear this post is leaning a tad toward the negative. So, here is the main point for you people who’ve crossed the line, or who wonder if perhaps you qualify as an official IDIOT:
We live in a big world. It’s often crowded. We’re sharing resources. Whatever your reason for being an idiot, it can’t be that crucial. Be kind. Think about how your action will effect others (both in the short and long term), and act for the benefit of ALL mankind.
Be kind. Think about how your actions will effect others (both in the short term and long term), and act for the benefit of ALL mankind.
It will do us all a world of good. Think about those Idiot Free Zone’s. Meditate on what a wonderful world it would be if we all just thought about other people when we act (besides, meditation helps your brain and memory power too).
Ahhhhhh, the Idiot Free Zone. I can dream, can’t I? God knows I’ll be searching ’til I’m dead, but I’m up for it.
(I have one last doozy of a tweet – I saved the best for last – for you to share here if you’d like.)
Europe parking the wrong way: BristolRE2007 on Flickr
Taking two spaces! Crap parking on Flicker
Onisha Ellis says
We call it “the world revolves around me ” syndrome.
Yep. Idiots who think the world revolves around them, Onisha! LOL!!!!
Elyse Salpeter says
Unfortunately the idiots by me most usually are on their cell phone talking or texting. ALL THE TIME. We are surrounded by idiots who are typing away as they drive – on a highway, going 65+ miles an hour. It is very, very scary.
AH YES!!! How could I have left TEXTING-DRIVERS off this list! Yes… that’s about 80% of the issue most days!
Bob Nailor says
Idiots, for some strange reason, are very ingenious. You can make an IPZ but it will expand to consume all the surrounding area. In-Flight? I had to laugh remembering the passenger who gave the stewardesses so much grief – nothing was right and it was always their fault something went wrong. He was an idiot-at-large and we couldn’t escape. Finally he slept during the trans-Atlantic flight but when the stewardesses turned on the lights for breakfast, he got irate and yelled: Who turned on the f**king lights? One stewardess, obviously tired of his outbursts said: “These are the breakfast lights. The f**king lights were earlier and you slept through them!” The plane burst into laughter and the idiot said not another word but did attempt to be the first person off the plane but again was put in his place by the same stewardess. Why do people put their overhead stuff in the front of the plane then take a seat at the rear? The guy in the front is going to have to put his stuff toward the back and that is part of the “idiot” congestion in airplane aisles. Just saying. Yes, our idiot was just a few seats from mid-plane but his baggage was all the way in the front. IDIOTS!!!
YEP – IDIOTS surround us Bob. As I said… I’m in search of the IDIOT-FREE-ZONES but unfortunately I think I’ll be searching til I’m dead.
SO FUNNY! I was just cracking up! You got THAT right!
Thanks Wakajak! Would love for you to share it with your friends. SPREAD THE IDIOT FREE CAMPAIGN!!
Rebekah Lyn says
Oh so true! It’s can be exhausting leaving the house.
Thanks Rebeka! It is exhausting!
Being polite and kind seems to be a lost art. I believe all children and teens benefit from giving back and volunteering- like working at a soup kitchen or food bank so they can appreciate what it means to care for others as well as all they have to be thankful for.
Those are all excellent ideas Tara. I did that with my boys. As often as we could we volunteered, or at least they did. We often bought food for homeless people who would ask for money… we would walk them to the nearby restaurant and pay for a meal if we could. All of it offers them a more real perspective.
M.C. Nugget says
TAZERS!!!!!! An unconscious idiot is safe and not TOO annoying..
BRILLIANT Nuggie! LOL!!!
An IFZ is populated by individuals who have not yet achieved idiocy. They have unfulfilled potential and possibly not enough experience to do it right. As a designer of software, composer of instruction manuals, producer of procedures to make something happen, I was up against the crafty idiots. We types had a realization: If you think you made something idiot proof, God will send you a better idiot. Please don’t block me, really.
BAHAHA Eaeme!!! I will not block you!
Meena Avery (@tweettoimpress) says
Oh my gosh you read my mind, especially today! I feel like I’m surrounded by this all the time. At the grocery store, in the car waiting for people to go on green because they’re playing with their phones, etc. Don’t even get me started on the world of online dating! Why can’t people be an example of what they expect from other people? If everyone stopped trying to do ten things at the same time, maybe we’d all be able to chill out a little more. Great post!
ha! Yes – I feel your pain Meena. Thank you for your thoughts… I love the commiseration!
Single Dating Diva says
WORDS TO LIVE BY: “Be kind. Think about how your actions will effect others (both in the short term and long term), and act for the benefit of ALL mankind.” Love it!! We ARE surrounded by inconsiderate people who don’t have a clue, wait, correct that, who CHOOSE not to have a clue. Thanks for raising awareness about this VERY important issue. I myself commit to not joining their ranks!! Great post!!
Thanks Diva-licious! Love ya! XO