My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight at Subway the other day. Just writing that sentence annoys me on so many different levels. 1) I don’t even like Subway and we just stopped in because he was getting hungry and 2) I don’t want to be a couple who fights (in public!) about a damn sandwich. Like literally-this isn’t a deep metaphor here people-we were sharing a footlong and he wanted cheese, I didn’t…quite the controversy that resulted in me crying in the car on the way home.
Not my brightest moment.
Because I over analyze everything like it’s my job, I kept thinking about World War Subway well after we had kissed, boned and made-up. While some fights are just silly and insignificant, and aren’t worth a second thought, I had a stinking suspicion that there was more to the story than a piece of cheese. I was right.
I am madly in love with my boyfriend. I won’t bore you, but he’s fucking fantastic. I knew he was the one the moment I laid eyes on him on our first online date, and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve traveled the world together and are in the process of buying our first home. We’re a team…a unit. If we were super lame, we’d have a “couple” name, ala “Bennifer.” You can’t have one without the other, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve always been fiercely independent though. Growing up as a twin, I had to fight everyday to set myself apart from my (fabulous) sister. I didn’t like being bound together, identity wise, with someone else. I wanted to stand on my own two feet and be my own person. That fighting spirit, and fear of losing my identity has stayed with me into adulthood.
Being in a long term, serious relationship has shifted my identity and admittedly, I was having a difficult time shifting my mindset along with it. In the days and weeks leading up to the fight, I knew I was feeling like I was losing myself, just a bit, and a part of me was hanging on tight, kicking and screaming to my independence. So as silly as it is, when my boyfriend ordered one sandwich for us to share, I freaked out.
“What about MY needs and wants?”
“What if I want my OWN?”
“What if for once, I just don’t want to share?”
Crickets…I told you it wasn’t my brightest moment. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend thought he was being Punk’d.
The thing is though, had the fight not happened, I’d be typing this blog post from an entirely different place. I’d probably still be clinging to my independence in the wrong ways, and building up resentment towards a guy who has made it his life’s mission to make me happy. Instead, because it was so unlike me to fly off the handle like that, I’ve been able to do a bit of self reflection and am now able to nurture those independent parts of me that make me, me. I’ve been able to put my big girl pants on and communicate to my boyfriend how I feel like my own personal spark is being a bit stifled, and together, we are working on finding ways to light it back up again.
Yes. Together. Because at the end of the day, subway freak-outs or not, I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t need anyone. I don’t want to be so married to my independence that I won’t let someone share my life. Or my sandwich.
That’s it my lovelies! Do us all a favor would you? Welcome Ms. Liz to the fold, and post lots and lots of comments telling her how wonderful she is! Stay tuned next week for a post about something very juicy (that burger image made me hungry – rawrrr).
Love you people!!!!! Mmmmmphhhhuuuhhhh!