1. Fred the Wonder Chicken called me on a Tuesday and asked me out for the upcoming Friday night. I said yes. Later that same evening our mutual friends, Ricky & Lucy invited me spontaneously to meet them at the opening of the Hollywood restaurant, Hush. Fred was there as well. After the opening, Fred and I wanted to stay out to play, so off we went to Sky Bar.
Our hot little waitress observed Fred the Wonder Chicken and I interact (smooch) over a cocktail. She was very sweet and good at her job.
Hot Waitress: “You two are a stunning couple. How long have you been dating?”
FWC: “Well, actually, our first date isn’t until this Friday.”
Crack me up. He’s just too cute.
Oh and since I know you will ALL ask, the first date was fabulous, dahlings. Dinner with a beautiful harbor view in Marina Del Rey, followed by a visit to World Cafe in Santa Monica, sitting at the bar, heckling the uniforms chosen by each country in the Parade of Nations My kinda fun. (What WAS the USA thinking putting Kobe in a GOLF HAT?? How embarrassing. The Cheq Republic had the cool threads. We should cremate them and steal their outfits).
(And – yes – there may be a bit more to the date – but that’s for me to know and you to find out. hee hee. And besides, I am all about encouraging the fostering of creativity and imagination among my readers. Let your imaginations run wild people! This IS Ms. Cheevious, after all!)
2. Not really a “FIRST” date, per se. But a first for THIS: “Silver Keys” (named for a combination of his career – a successful Hollywood writer – and the fact he’s crafted his command of the English language into a stealth weapon. Also a derivative of “Silver Tongue” which denotes a smooth operator). Over various emails, well-written sonnets, conversations and such, he convinced my friend Sheila he was madly in love with her (this after two plus years of waffling, going back to his ex-wife and such). He insisted, and followed it up with various proofs, that he was finally ready to be in a committed relationship and build a life with her – only to break up with her less than a week into it.
3. “Dear John” (a hot yoga camp owner/instructor), hit on Sheila. Okay, it was my fault. We were dining at a very hip spot called Beachwood (of course! LA is full of these suave destinations). After dinner we moved to the bar at my prompting so we could interact with the beautiful people – or at least watch them (ha ha). I planted us right next to Dear John, and struck up a conversation. It was clear he and Sheila were attracted, so I just sat there with a proud grin on my face watching the pheromones fly. After obvious flirtations and texting back and forth, he apparently felt a tinge of yogi guilt and sent her a “Dear John” text before they ever went out. Apparently he’d been seeing someone for two weeks. TWO WEEKS and he was committed! He should have a talk with Silver Keys.
Sheila: “Shit. Last time I got a five day commitment. This time I got broken up with before the first date. Funny, yet sad. I need to move to Alaska.”
4. This one involves Spy Glass (not a first date either… but you get the point). I told you back in my Black Out post that it was a “for now” when Spy Glass and I decided to be friends. Not that we are more than that, or that I want more. We aren’t and I don’t. I just knew I’d not heard the last of him.
Let this be a lesson to you. I am very adept at analyzing human behavior. I swear. You read my blog don’t you? I rest my case.
Anyhoo – It started a few weeks ago, when I received a text asking what I was doing on that next Thursday. I replied, and never heard from him the rest of the week. I sent a text much later, checking in, which resulted in a text back that he was on location and all was good, just very busy.
Fair enough. After another couple of weeks, I received another random text asking what I was doing this past Saturday night, replied, and didn’t hear again. Saturday afternoon I got a text saying, “will call you in a few hours – at my daughters play.” I wrote back, “Okay.” I never heard from him.
Until Sunday. I was at the Holly Shorts Film Festival, supporting my friend Ricky (Lucy’s man), who’d starred in one of the fabulous shorts that day, when I got a message from the cad – ehem – Spy Glass. No explanation, just “Ms. Cheevious! It’s Spy Glass. Just giving you a call!”
What is THAT? Is he trying to pay me back for my whack-hammer behavior of FOUR YEARS AGO? Maybe. Well, BRING IT ON BABY – it’s only more fantastic fodder for me. And the blog. And the world wide web. Oh, and Youtube. HA!
Okay – You’re right. Right here is the only place this Spy Glass episode will probably ever appear. No YouTube interviews of Spy Glass’ ex-girlfriends, ex-friends or anything. But for only a moment it felt REALLY good to wax psychotic, I have to admit. Heh heh.
And, last but CERTAINLY not least (and again, not a first, but you get the point):
5. Sheila tells me, “Yeah, I had a date with Hot Boring Guy.”
“Really? Was it HOT?” I inquire, “Or Boring?” ha ha.
She replies, “Well, it was kind hot, actually.”
“Do tell,” I say eagerly.
“Well, I had him over for dinner and a movie, and one thing led to another, and we had sex. But then afterward, I was just kind of – DONE – you know? So, I said to him, “You can leave now.””
I stopped her, dead in her tracks. “Wait a minute. You said WHAT?” laughing hysterically.
“Well, it was really hot at my place, and you know how you just want to shower and get cleaned up and everything, and I just couldn’t be bothered.” She explained with a chuckle in her voice.
“You crack me up!” I said, “You were like a Queen holding court, and apparently, the queen was DONE!”
“Yeah,” she laughed. “At first he was a little shocked and said ‘What?’, and I said ‘I know you want to’ – you know because it was so hot there, and uncomfortable? I was just letting him off the hook, you know?”
Okay. That has its OWN set of psychological implications – the fact that Sheila assumed ahead of time the guy wanted to be let off the hook. That just never occurs to ME. ha ha
“Wow.” I said slowly. “That’s gotta go down in history for SOMETHING. I don’t know WHAT yet, but THAT is DEFINITELY SOMETHING!”
I had NO IDEA my girlfriend was such a VIXEN! I still don’t quite know if the EVENING was hot, or the sex!!! How frustrating for me!
I have to say, I’m all about enjoying my own personal SPACE. But still, it causes me to wonder how other people handle it when they just don’t want to be with a person – like, physically, in bed, or whatever – any more?
I know it sounds calloused, but this is DATING 101 for GROWNUPS people. Deal with it.
I can tell stories about how I’ve been treated or mistreated I suppose, but how do YOU treat people? How do YOU handle it when you realize for yourself that “THE QUEEN (or king) IS DONE?”
You know, here in Ms. Cheevious Land, I am all about these deep, introspective contemplations. In doing so here today, I hope I’ve provided you with some really great nuggets to ponder and disseminate for yourself. Perhaps you’ll share the wisdom you’ve gained with the class.
Until next time beautiful people, when I unveil a TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY entitled, “FLAKES in LA.”
Love you people! Mmmmmmphhhuuuhhhhh!
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