The Indelible Foibles of Drinking & Dialing (or Texting)

“This i-phone!” my girlfriend Danielle shrugged, exasperated. 

“What’s the deal?” our friend Debra and I asked over breakfast.

“Last night I was texting back and forth with different people, and for some reason, when you hit ‘reply’ on a text message, sometimes it brings up the last person on your phone list, rather than the person you actually meant to reply to. So last night I was texting back and forth with Craig [sometime boyfriend] – and of course I did have a few glasses of champagne throughout the evening – and he was sending me texts like ‘where are you?’ or ‘what are you doing?’, so at one point I thoughtI was texting him and I said, “I’m on the corner by The Lounge. I’ll be the girl with the hot tits.””

Debra and I chuckled at that statement alone!  Then we heard the real punch line.  “So this morning, I was going through my old texts, and what I thought was a text to Craig, went to the taxi driver from earlier in the evening!” 

We roared with laughter.  The thought of that guy racing to her corner (since we are talking about small-town Aspen here), looking for someone who was hot-to-trot for him was just priceless. 

If you are new to this blog, welcome!  Come on in.  It’s fun here.  Would you care for a drink?  ha ha

Seriously, we’ve all had our share of experiences I’m sure (unless of course you do not indulge or over-indulge in the occasional alcoholic beverage), where we’ve said or done something embarrassing as a result of having too much fun.

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And be warned:  These sorted scenarios don’t only play out on the evening in question, but can carry over to the morning after, while we recover from the night before.

I’m sure this is why my friend Danielle thought for certain that the i-phone was her problem.  She continued, “So, this morning I had a text from Ellie, who was asking where I went last night, and I thoughtI was texting her back, when I said, “I met up with Craig and we had wild monkey sex until three in the morning.”  Hey – what can I say? Some of my best friends are base individuals – given to animal instincts and behaviors at times!

As we absorbed her comments, she delivered this little doozy: “Well, I just looked, and that text went to Craig.”  she said, mortified.

“Oh no!” we said, laughingly.  Then I offered, “That’s so weird!  There must be some faulty programming on those things. You should check for updates or something online.  I bet it’s a known problem!” 

In reality, it’s more likely the alcohol in her system to blame, rather than a renegade text mechanism in her i-phone.  I’m sure Danielle, now that her system is clear, knows this to be true.

So, though I have dealt with the consequences of drinking and dialing, the whole texting thing is a new one to me.  I mean, I’ve sent some indecipherable texts after a few cocktails.  I’ve even texted the wrong person, but generally the messages were harmless, and left my unintended targets scratching their heads, and later writing it off to my – well, blondness.

It begs the question, however, how does one, if inebriated, make the  level-headed “call” to step away from the cell phone?  I am asking this question as a student – someone who does not have the answers, I swear.  If I did, my friend, I promise I’d rattle off some list of do’s and don’ts!

I suppose the very same mechanism that kicks in, making some insist, by god, that they can drive, even though they’ve only had three? four? five? drinks, may be to blame here. 

What is it about this legal drug and its affect on us?  And why do some people have more command over their faculties than others?  I have some friends that get just plain stupid when they drink. I don’t even want to be around them.  Then there are others that seem perfectly normal.  Or could it be that I’ve had as much to drink as they have on those occasions?

I can offer this sage advice, from years of doing the RIGHT thing:  If you don’t want to do anything stupid, determine that ahead of time, and be responsible.  If you find yourself guzzling the wine, perhaps you are actually thirsty.  Try a glass of water.  It’s actually refreshing.  And, as a wise man once said “Know thyself.”  Don’t be an idiot and think you can pound down the drinks without even developing a slight stagger or stutter.  Everyone does to a certain extent.  If you are going out to drink, learn from other people’s mistakes if you can and take precautions.  As a single mother, I learned long ago that you do NOT go out and drive if going out for a night of drinking. There are precious people I am responsible for, and it is just wrong. Don’t even BRING your car if you stand a chance of drinking over the course of an evening.  A hundred dollars in cab fare is far better price to pay than dealing with the myriad of other possible outcomes, which I won’t even go into here (the very least of these being a DUI).

So – enough about drinking, dialing and texting.  I know you are all sitting, waiting with bated breath to hear about my results for the week.  In case you’ve not been here, I’ve been on this challenge to get back to a healthy eating lifestyle.  I’ve been known for being an incredibly disciplined eater for most of my post-divorce, adult life.  That is, until a few years ago.  It got to the point this past January, where I put some of my favorite clothes on and they looked awful.  There were bulges where it use to be solid and lean, and I just didn’t feel as good as I’m accustomed to.  So, I got rigid.  Then I got lax (last week I actually gained half a pound).  Anyhow, I am back on track, and still determined.  You don’t get rid of bad habits overnight.  This I know. I’ve decided that until I reach my goal, I will not belabor the message in these posts.  I will simply state my goal, current weight and weight lost/gained. 

Sound good? Works for me!  Except, of course, for this week.  PSYCHE!  I am in Albuquerque, New Mexico to spend time with my mother who recently had a stroke.  I’ve been packing, condo hunting, moving, running a business and much much more ever since this whole thing started.  I’ve been traveling so much (just this month) that my whole system (physical and logistical) is off, and I decided not to go there.  I will weigh in on this (no pun intended) next week!  Know this:  Changing habits that you aren’t fond of (in yourself) takes determination, stamina and time.  You have to be IN it for real.  I am.  Bring it on, baby!  I’ve lost 8 of 11 lbs, and I am going to WIN. hee hee

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Blog content copyright 2008, LISA JEY DAVIS a.k.a. Ms. Cheevious

Ms. Cheevious is the alter-ego of Lisa Jey Davis (former publicist, and television talent manager, current award-winning writer & author, & health and fitness pro). Though Ms. Cheevious has become known for humor via the blog and social media, offering a lighter and brighter look at life… the blog was originally a precursor to Lisa Jey's long overdue book "Ms. Cheevious in Hollywood" which offers a fabulous, funny peek into what really goes on behind the scenes in Hollywood… a Hollywood with Lisa Jey and her funny “serendipities” in it. Think Lucille Ball meets Chelsea Handler meets the girl next door (with a little chocolate and vodka). It depicts with hilarity the innocent mistakes Lisa Jey made when launched back into the big, bad single jungle, as an unassuming single-mother in the City of Angels. It’s also about the beautiful, interesting life she led while her loving, incredible sons kept her grounded and sane amid fantastic events, new friends, parties and field trips. It also shows the turmoil and heartbreak that comes with dating and single mom life. All blog content © 2015 Ms. Cheevious aka Lisa Jey Davis

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