No. Not the kind of quarters you guzzle beer to. Though, I played my share of that with my good ole friends at Sigma Chi. I’m talking about the quarter that is measured in months. Three to be exact. Did you know three months makes up a quarter? Yep. So the next time you hear someone say, “Our first quarter earnings were up by 30%” you’ll know that means they made bu-cu bucks over the last three months, and it’s their turn to buy dinner.
I want to play that type of quarters – the kind measured in months. Because I’ve just celebrated my 3 month anniversary of moving back to Los Angeles! Yep. That’s right. I’ve been here for over a quarter now. I rolled into town on May 13, 2008. It’s been a whirlwind, to say the least, but I thought this momentous occasion deserved a bit of pomp and circumstance.
By the way, I’m sorry to interrupt my regularly scheduled programming (I think I promised last week to tell you about the Flakes of LA) to bring you this broadcast, but it had to be done. I have to say, that I’ve had some trying times, sad moments, and a little heart break, but I’ve had some really awesome, incredible times as well, and I am glad I moved back to LA. I love Los Angeles, and actually enjoy living here!
Sadly, one of those trying times came this week, when a very good friend – someone whose opinion I value greatly – told me he was worried about my blog and what it may do to my personal life. He swore it was only because he wants me to be happy, but that I may never attract the kind of man who was worth his salt into my life, because he would just want a piece of Ms. Cheevious (I suppose he meant that in the nicest possible way). He said any good man won’t want me to write the way that I do.
Teary eyed and worried I would truly grow into an old, frail and undesirable, albeit mischievous spinster, I immediately put it to the pundits. I consulted with four of the most qualified, strategic planners out there – Lucy (my producer, show business friend, who’s also a shrewd business woman), Sheila (a single mom friend who is exceptionally bright and – well, she’s a single mom and bought a condo in LA by herself without any alimony or help – need I say more?), Brittany (my brilliant, on-camera television personality, forward thinking, media savvy friend), and of course, RandomEsq, because the blog is wicked-smart, and I feel a kindred spirit with it (can you be kindred with blogs?), and because I needed the opinion of someone who doesn’t really know me that well, but reads my blog. Besides, Random is a lady killer (haven’t I said that before?), and would probably know if men might be turned off based on my blog – or if it even mattered. I just knew I’d get the truth there.
To my overwhelming relief, everyone I asked poo-pooed the idea of this blog ruining my real life. They said, admittedly that this blog reveals a very tiny slice of the real me – and hilariously. That there would be no way to reveal the depths of who I really and truly am here in this blog. They also said the friend in question ought to give you, my readers more credit. I agree.
So, with that said, as I thought about the three months I’ve been here, I became – well – EXHAUSTED. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING, AND HOW THE HELL DO I DO IT? That’s what I want to know! It’s been a wild, fun and interesting time, since I landed in LA LA LAND.
Let’s see what’s been going on over these past 12 weeks (that’s 3 months – or a QUARTER – people):
Week 1: I arrive into town, awaiting the movers to bring my stuff, when I receive a call from Sheila who’s just pitched the idea of peeling my face off – ON CAMERA – to Entertainment Tonight. They love the idea, and now she just has to sell it to me. I have movers arriving the day before they want to shoot, but what the heck? She sells me on it, and my faces sizzles for a day. Plus – I get some lovely footage of me in a JASON mask, saying something stupid like “The years are peeling away.” The things I do for my STINKIN’ friends, I tell ya’.
Week 2: I help throw an impromptu Memorial Day soiree at a friend’s house, and about a week afterward I am asked out on a date by a lovely guy (the host of the party). You remember. He’s the one with the incredible home I spoke of in “Shrimp on the Barbie” in Beverly Hills, overlooking Bel Air. I accept the date, and we watch the basketball playoffs (no really – and it was fun) – and root for the Celtics. I don’t feel even remotely like a traitor. What do I care? I don’t even keep up with basketball really. The only time I care is when I am at a particular friends’ home – the ones that own the Sacramento Kings. They are very sensitive. In that case, I button my lip, or I root for their team. But this guy has a FABULOUS gourmet kitchen. Hell, with a kitchen as cool as that, I’d root for just about anyone. We decide during the date that no matter what, we are going to be friends, because – hey – I’m a likable gal – and he’s kinda cool too. But also because of our mutual friend, Brittany. He goes off to Spain and falls for some hot Spanish chick. So, now I have this friend with a very cool pad in Beverly Hills. Hey! He might let us host a party at his place. Ha ha!
Week 3 & 4: Enter summer and my thirteen year old son. I don’t know if you recall that my son went off to live with daddy this past school year, and what do you know? He loved it. Who wouldn’t with his dad for a roommate? It’s non-stop fun! Anyhow, I had a business trip to Aspen scheduled, and took my son with me. He had a nice little vacay hangin’ in a hotel in Aspen with his friends, while I worked. Then we took off to Las Vegas and rode all the roller coasters we could get to. I showed you pictures to prove it in “What Happens in Vegas.” While in Aspen, I am re-introduced to Sir Tab, who I’d met when first moving to Aspen.
Week 5, 6 & 7: I officially introduce you to Sir Tab, talk about what it would be like to have a guy that I can say “Hit me Bitch” to, whenever I need a little spanky – (which of course, sparked quite the controversy). Then I went introspective on everyone for a moment, with my “Declaration of Independence.”
Week 8: After my week of introspection, and the fact that I was missing the beautiful outside climate of the Rocky Mountains, I start to investigate the great outdoors of Southern California in “Forget the Love Guru.” Here my BLONDIE friend Sheila and I go for a hike in Will Rogers State Park. I laugh at the way she leans over as if to sip from her high-tech, hiking-mama camel back – outdoor enthusiast that she is – but instead she asks me “How do you work this thing?”
Week 9: My blond memory starts to awaken in “Black Out This” – as I retell the stories of some unbelievable but hilarious memory lapses I’ve experienced over the years. After having a drink with my friend Spy Glass – he reveals to me a blackout I had – where I apparently freaked out on him and told him I never wanted to see him again – then stormed away – FOUR YEARS AGO. No wonder he never called! Thank goodness he was a good sport!
Week 10: My friend Lucy invites me and a client’s niece to meet them for a Fallout Boy concert on the Santa Monica Pier, and she gets us into the Victoria’s Secret VIP party nearby. I am introduced to a great group of people, among them, Fred the Wonder Chicken, while at the same time, scoring major points with my client, who’s neice LOVES Fallout Boy, (and apparently playing Wii until two in the morning, as well. Fred and I kicked their butts at bowling, though). 🙂
Week 11: I save the lives of hundreds of people in a little movie theatre in Westwood, at the opening night of “The Mummy” movie. It’s true. Sheila spotted a terrorist – she’s a real hawk eye – and I went to work, with secret agent finesse and the deadly prowess of a professional hit man (or woman).
Week 12: I share the crazy realities of dating in LA in “Five First Dates in Hollywood” – and talk about some of the funniest, yet zaniest experiences known to mankind! Well, maybe not ALL of mankind. I reveal that I had a first date with Fred the Wonder Chicken, but not much else about that – which brings on the whining and murmuring from The Peanut Gallery (that’s YOU).
So – there you have it! My first quarter in Los Angeles – in review. Wasn’t that fun??!
Have a FANTASTIC weekend everyone. I promise not to flake on the FLAKES of LA for next week!
Love you people! Mmmmmmphhhuuuhhhh!
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