So, Nuggie and I were driving the other day and it was one of those idiot-heavy days on the roads of Southern California; the kind that have become the norm rather than the exception, much to our frustration. As we drove, I showed Nuggie a short cut I often take, and suddenly we entered an alternate universe, where every single driver was ON IT. These drivers KNEW the deal and were driving, well, responsibly. They were driving the speed limit, using turn signals, and being courteous to the other drivers around them. It was so refreshing, I said “OH.MY.GOD this is a total IDIOT FREE ZONE!” We were both finally able to breathe, the laughter returning to the little road haven we know as Nuggie’s car.
We started to talk about it and realized that Idiot Free Zones (#IFZ’s in case you want to tweet that) are a rare and hot commodity everywhere these days. Think about it. Almost any place you go there are idiots ruining the experience. Your day, your drive, your flight, your dining experience… hell, even your online, Facebook or Twitter experiences are hacked daily by people who either truly don’t know how, are too lazy and selfish to do things the way they should, or they just don’t give a damn.
When I think for too long of all of the idiots out there ruining people’s lives, I have to hold my breath until I turn blue to keep from going on a rampage like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. I am at high risk for getting seriously agitated and it’s these kinds of thoughts that cause mental decline. No, really. That’s a thing. And I’m sort of attached to my mental wellbeing, so I tell my story and of my pain here, to let go and let blog.
After a quick collaboration, we were able to name a bundle of Multiple Idiot Zones (#MIZ’s if you’d like to tweet that) to avoid, and I’ll list them here for you. I know you’re no idiot and can appreciate it, so read on, and AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE, or gird yourself with some extra special mental armor before going there (stay tuned for my post listing some of the best idiot free zones in Los Angeles).
I tell my story and of my pain here, to let go and let blog
Here are a few “Multiple Idiot Zone’s” to Avoid for Your Mental Health and Wellbeing
The first two involve driving, because living here in Los Angeles, Nuggie and I are experts. And seriously? Were none of these people required to pass a driving test? Did someone send out a memo that the use of a blinker is no longer required? Didn’t their driving school teach them to practice defensive driving and to be kind on the road? All bets are off when things get congested. That’s when idiots go berserk.
- THE ROAD: Most any road with construction, a road leading to a popular event (just before the event and immediately following), any road that lies in the vortex of a tourist trap, or main thoroughfares during rush hour traffic. Note to idiots: Go back to driving school. I’m petitioning our government to require people be quizzed every year about common courtesy and regular driving practices. If they get one wrong, they will get their license revoked until they can drive in traffic with a driving school teacher and prove they know how to handle it like a pro. There are just too many freaked out people in this world. We don’t need any more reason to freak.
- INTERSTATE 405: During any type of construction, during rush hour (which is any time other than between 1 and 4 AM) and at any popular interchange (at the I-10 intersection for example). Note to idiots: AVOID the freeway at all costs. Just don’t go there. NO IDIOTS ALLOWED.
- ON THE INTERNET: This includes idiots who are trolling about looking for articles to comment or argue about, people who hijack your post on Facebook to start a conversation or promote their political and/or religious agendas, and those who simply don’t bother to take the time to understand or learn this new medium that now RUNS OUR PLANET, before jumping in and posting status updates for all to see, speaking solely to some unknown “Bob” person… like “Bob, I don’t see it” (that one is just for laughs, really. We all know someone like that, and they’re usually senior citizens (god help us all if they’re in their thirties and working a tech job), and have already lost some of their marbles if they do those kinds of posts. Frankly it’s kind of cute.) Note to idiots: Do us all a favor and wrap your brain around what is really going on online. Don’t think that you can make comments that are totally self-serving and not be blocked. You will get yours, trust me. But I have a solution about this for we NON IDIOTS: Do as I do. If idiots post anything like that here on the blog or to my social media accounts, I smile, nod and hit the block button. Do that for yourself. DO THAT FOR THE REST OF US.
- IN FLIGHT: Especially on the red-eye, which tend to be the more affordable flights. Listen: Air travel has become more common place than we ever imagined. When the first flights became available, it was a special occasion and people dressed up to get on board. They were on their best behavior. Hell, I was just a baby during that time, but we’ve gone the opposite extreme. Now, people get on board and it’s a captive audience. Those same idiots that hijack your Facebook posts will hijack your peace of mind, you’re personal space, your reading time, writing time, or more importantly YOUR SLEEPING TIME. And please people, learn how to parent before you bring a child on board who will kick the seat repeatedly, pull the person’s hair in front of them, and scream bloody murder when told no. Do us all a favor. Take the bus.
I could go on. There are idiots everywhere. In fact, we’re suffering an infestation of idiots, people. But alas, I fear this post is leaning a tad toward the negative. So, here is the main point for you people who’ve crossed the line, or who wonder if perhaps you qualify as an official IDIOT:
We live in a big world. It’s often crowded. We’re sharing resources. Whatever your reason for being an idiot, it can’t be that crucial. Be kind. Think about how your action will effect others (both in the short and long term), and act for the benefit of ALL mankind.
Be kind. Think about how your actions will effect others (both in the short term and long term), and act for the benefit of ALL mankind.
It will do us all a world of good. Think about those Idiot Free Zone’s. Meditate on what a wonderful world it would be if we all just thought about other people when we act (besides, meditation helps your brain and memory power too).
Ahhhhhh, the Idiot Free Zone. I can dream, can’t I? God knows I’ll be searching ’til I’m dead, but I’m up for it.
(I have one last doozy of a tweet – I saved the best for last – for you to share here if you’d like.)
Europe parking the wrong way: BristolRE2007 on Flickr
Taking two spaces! Crap parking on Flicker